You ignore me
I still try to talk to you
You never answer
I continue to call
You treat me as if I do not exist
I want to be invisible
The film starts at my fingertips, and slowly slides up to my elbows, past my shoulders, and finally covering my entire face.
The liquid begins to glide down the front of my chest, then speeding down past my waist.
By the time it reaches my knees, I have lost all memory and all feelings
I have nothing.
And when it completely covers me from head to toe, I stay frozen, stationary
Distant from being alive
No one can see me
I am invisible

Love
World peace
No hate
Friendship
Greatness
A better life
New days
No stress
Blissful mornings
Cures for diseases
Increased vocabulary
New creations
Imagination
No more sadness
Thoughts
Dancing
Laughter
Light through darkness
Maturity
Equality
Paradise without Hell
Forgiveness instead of grudges
A world where 'beautiful' is
A brighter tomorrow
Hope

You have no idea what you mean to me
Clueless, unaware, completely oblivious.
Dare I open my mouth? Dare do I tell the secret of what I hid beneath my skin for so long?
Secrets and trust can NEVER go hand in hand.
So I spill each letter of secrecy, liquid pouring out of my heart and soul, praying that you will still accept me and (maybe) even love me for who I am.
My secret is out. No more hiding.
I Love You

Make sure breathing is the first thing you do when someone you love enters the room.
Blue looks good on you, but not on your cheeks as a blush.
Inhale.


Exhale.

I feel like I have lost my words.
Once they flowed so easily
Time has ripped my mind from the flow of my mouth.
I fell in love with a someone else's soulmate.
I became selfish and jealous and pushed myself to a point that my words became useless.
When you choose emotions over words instead of bringing the two together
you create a self destructing version of yourself that lives on the outside while the true version of yourself watches on the inside.
Hiding writing is the hardest thing I chose to do with my life
I would look around at creation and say to myself, 'that's nice.'
Only my insides are screaming, 'describe it! write it down!'
Or something dark would encompass my being and instead of fighting with a pen, I cowered, crumbling.
I allowed myself to be swallowed, digested, and even parts left behind, scattered around a crime scene where my words made a difference
Instead I chose a cowards way, pretending I was incompetent
And my words slowly dwindled down as short as I could possibly make them.
One day, I saw a baby chicken have a seizure, and I started to cry. And as my tears flowed, I thought to myself how would that chicken describe me ?
It seems extremely odd I know, but in that moment I couldn't think of a single word. My lungs tightened as I continued to hold this now lifeless creature.

Lifeless
Breathless
Speechless

No one knows the darkness I feel under my skin
How twisted I felt, trapped beneath a weighted cloth
Yet your hands, rough, removed the cloth and inspired my soul to be genuine
To no longer hide beneath a veil of innocence, but to embrace the dark and love deeply within its covers

You walked in as a gentleman
You would leave as a wolf
Making me yearn for memories we had made together to happen again
giving anything to relive the movie of us, the moment I kept staring at your lips wondering what they would taste like

Now I am unable to breathe, feeling a constant choking in my throat, a squeezing in my stomach.
Your cologne rips through my body, makes my mind flash to the night we rubbed against each other, how much passion how felt after I realized I did not kiss you correctly

I am sure I did it all wrong
I am sure you do not feel the same
And since I am treading with my lips barely above the surface of the water
I know you will not extend your hand
Or even offer an assuage for my broken body

And yet you smile, you laugh, knowing how I must feel, being unable to breath around you
You intentionally speak my name with a ragged breath, which again sparks another cluster of memories
Im dying inside, collapsing within leaving nothing more than an empty seashell that rattles because of the broken pieces

Part of my mind wants amnesia, to forget about the way you make me feel
however the other part begs me to keep memories fresh, feeling your flesh against mine
Never stop
Don't let the wounds heal

I know you bite,
I again feel the pressure of your mouth against my throat, my heart racing as I beg for you to rip my innocence open
And allow the weight to flow freely from my veins

Eventually I need to move on
I have to stop looking your way, or driving the same route home that you do
I have to tell myself that you never truly wanted me, that you just used me, and now your memory is simply a poison in my veins that burns and adds more weight to my cloth

if only your venom would stop tasting so sweet

10th July 2017

To My Husband

As I watch your life, slipping away
We share all the things we want to say

We have time to reflect, encourage and love
To be grateful with warmth, to look beyond and above

We remember the good and laugh at the bad
And take time to listen and embrace the sad

It is a rich time, this time that we have
What has been, what is now, is what will be had

As your strength fades, and your eyes slowly dim
We look beyond the body you are in

When death approaches and your final breath taken
We know your spirit, will soar with elation

You will look at this world and say your goodbyes
And peace will take you as you pass through the sky’s

All the best for your journey
Your loving wife