Yesterday was a bad day
And today might be even worse
But you got out of bed this morning
That itself is a feat not achieved by many
Today you are alive
That itself is a gift
Though you may not want to be
You are meant to be
The battle is not lost
As long as you are still fighting
~Carpe Diem~

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

I’m drowning
All this time
I’ve been treading water
Barely staying afloat
I’ve been waiting for a lifeline
Now I realize it’s never coming
The more time goes by
The further I slip under
The further I slip
The less I fight
Fighting it is pointless
Pain demands to be felt
The more I fight
The faster I sink
No one can see through the murky waters
No one can see me
No one actually wants to
Brief, unconvincing smiles
One broken “I’m fine”
That’s all it takes
For them to ignore the pain in your eyes
To ignore the catch in your voice
For them to write you off
No one “cares” until you’re gone
Even then their tears are forced
And condolences empty
No one will admit it
But everyone is thinking it
They’ll “mourn” you for a day
Then continue on like you never existed
Irrelevant while living
Forgotten after death
No footprint to be left in the sand
The fight is over

Panic
Mind scattering panic
The confusion
The fear
Throat clenching fear
The glazed eyes
The tears
The drenched sheets
The constant shivers
The dark
The shadows come to life
The hand clenching your chest
The heart trying to escape its cage
The clawing at invisible bindings
The suffocating
The weight on your chest
The gasping for air
The amnesia
What has you so scared

i tell ya brother
it's a blessing and a curse
sorting one and another
deciding who comes first

"he who is without sin"
let him cast the first stone
will the faith or doubt win?
of a soul that's left alone

i tell ya brother
it's a heaven and a hell
the fate that belongs to others
it belongs to you as well

it's nights like this, when we tangle
together like weeds in a seabed of lust
i beg for once, your eyes instead
of your mouth, would confess
how you felt for me.
your lips grow like ivy along the grey
mortar of my spine, your fingers write how
much they don't love me all over my body
and tiny birds take flight from my breath
to be together, is to be apart
when i am with you every word is a mistake,
we press our lips together
harder than we want to press
them against each others mouths
i keep tripping over apologies
and you just want someone who
is steady on their feet
i once knew a boy who told me
he wasn't an artist, but painted
the shores on my cheeks
when he spoke, even the trees leaned
in to hear his beautiful lies