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I never professed to be pretty
certainly not beautiful
and okay so...
babies don't actually cry when they look at me
But..
I know what I am
what I look like
you don't have to remind me
Yes.. I'm awkward
I mess up my words
I'm shy until I know you a little better
But..
Do you notice I find it hard to look you in the eye?
I thought not
Do I wish the ground would swallow me whole
more than once a day?
You bet
So.. I'm not really comfortable in my own skin
I know that..
But I refuse to have a thick skin
to man up and to take it on the chin
with or with out a pinch of salt
I refuse to be like you
I don't want to be hard hearted and cynical
and I also don't want to brush off your comments
like they are nothing to me
Because every word you said
every thing you implied
I have thought of myself too
all the time
everyday
And if what you said hurts me
then so be it
But that also means I am not like you
I would rather be me
awkward
self conscious
scared
a great big bag of what if's
But ultimately happy
I care
I want to do better
I love
I am soft
I have passion and dreams
(okay, so weird ones sometimes)
but I won't make fun of you
and if I like you I will tell you
and I will remind you that I love you
You don't know what I have seen
and have been through
You don't know what happened to me
because you don't know me at all
So don't judge me on what you see
judge me on what you know
And by what I know of you
I'm just glad I am me
I wrote this a few years ago.
I was on  a bus and there were
some very unkind things being said
by some other people on the bus.
Not just to me but to other passengers.
I came home and wrote this.
I just needed to write it out.
The sad thing is..
this is still relevant.
 Apr 2016 Axle Avatari
Isabelle
Monday, oh Monday
How I hate Mondays
Lazy to leave my bed
That's why I came late
Could not keep up with my boss
Could not gather my thoughts
Start the week right,
never a motto of mine
So I guess my whole week be like
A 5 Mondays, and yeah, that doesn't sound fine.
Paradoxically. Happy Monday!
today on my drive home from work
i made
eye contact
with the girl who stopped next to me at a
traffic light
nothing was precisely
romantic
about the situation
but it was nice to share some sort of
space
with someone
for a split second before we both looked away
i kept glancing back at her
to see if she was looking in my general direction again
but i guess that split second was the only
space
she was willing to share
because she never looked back
and that's okay.
 Apr 2016 Axle Avatari
Isabelle
Ms. Yin, meets Mr. Yang
Heaven and hell, it's a bang
I can hear the angels' sweet voices
But tempting is the devil's whispers
To whom shall I pray,
to blow the tedious night away?
To whom shall I listen,
to see the far glisten?

The angel promised a paradise,
told me to be kind and take each sacrifice
The sinister said, like the sun I will arise,
power and might, but you know the price

I admit, sometimes I'm losing hope
wanted to confess and talk to the pope
But then, an ill voice spoke
told me to get a rope or a dope
When I want an easy way out,
I listen to the ill voice, even in doubt
When my angel seems to abandon me,
In the darkness I flee

Is it immoral to stick to the dark side,
when fading is your guiding light?
Is it wrong to cling to the dark side,
when you find comfort in it and just want to hide?
Yep, sometimes i find comfort in darkness..
hiding in the corners so no one can see me don't look i'm shaking and my mind is a mess it's one big huge scribble and I can't function I can't think straight my hearts racing and my bones shaking this is so ******* hard i'm so tight i'm wringing my hands with my head down I don't want to talk what if I have cancer I might die on the bus someone will see me breathe why am I here my arms hurt from holding myself still so I don't shake it's so ******* hard my head is a mess what if I die I want to hide and be invisible don't look at me breathe my heart is pounding and I can't think straight I feel sick what if I die what if I have a disease and no one knows what it is and I die before they figure it out and my head is a mess and i hide in the corners so no one can see me so no one can see so no one can see so no one can see
I just hide in the corners so no one can see.
bad day...
 Apr 2016 Axle Avatari
Isabelle
When the music stops,
I'll still dance with you
When the world is insincere,
I'll still believe in you
When you feel tired,
I'll carry you around
When you cry in pain,
I'll save you from your tears
When no one hears you scream,
I'll scream with you

Just put your heart in my hands,
You'll be safe here
Inspired by the song You'll Be Safe Here.
 Apr 2016 Axle Avatari
Isabelle
Don't ask me why I stop giving you attention,
When in fact you never gave an appreciation.

Don't ask me why I didn't fight
I know you will only say it wasn't right

So please don't ask me why I left
When in the first place, you never asked me to stay.
Random. Unfinished.
I will always be the slippery *****
               they warn you not to go down
         I am the clutter in your closet
                           they ask you to clean out
                Forever the reason you look
                              both ways before crossing

They say I am not right for you
         But I want to be your happiness
              The world sees me rotten
                         I wish for you to help me
                  Paint the world with color
                        So we may prove them wrong
Shared on Hello Poetry on March 7, 2016
Copywrite under Bianca Reyes
All rights reserved

Yada yada yada
If you dig in the cave
Filled with your mistakes
You will find wisdom
Shimmering like gold
Shared on Hello Poetry on March 8th, 2016
Copywrite under Bianca Reyes
All rights reserved

Blah blah blah
Enjoy!
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