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GENIE May 2020
I long for my pencil, I long to draw again
I long to draw my pain
I long to exercise my brain
I long for my pencil
My friend in strange times
When shades replace rhymes,
And line, words.
When I seek to shade my pain
Something's cannot be described by words
Some battles are not won by swords
When these things seek to burst my brain,
I seek my pencil
GENIE May 2020
Why wail for the unfortunate one
Why wail the unlucky one
Has it not been revealed to you that,
The one who loves you will never go,
Such is the lucky one
Such is the fortunate one
Why wail then,the unfortunate one
Why wail what you don't have,
Not supposed to have
Never had
Why not seek what I need to have
Your better half
What you're supposed to have
They are your ex
And x means end,terminate
The chosen one never goes
So why wail them if they choose to go,
WAKE UP.
GENIE May 2020
The ways you see life determines what you value,
what you value determines what you learn,
What you value determines what you live for
What you live for determines how you live
So if you see life as:
A poem, you learn words
A problem you solutions
A relation,you learn communication
A game, you learn tricks
A battle, you learn to  fight
A job, you learn duty
A race,you learn speed
A marathon, you learn endurance
A study, you learn logic
An act, you learn emotions
A music, you learn notes
A dance you learn steps
A beat, you learn to dance
A community you learn people
A weather, you learn shelter
A storm you learn strength
A turn, you learn patience
A trade you learn money
A jungle you learn survival
An ocean, you learn to swim
A mountain you learn scaling
A valley, you learn graceful descent
A commitment you learn honesty
A death zone, you learn killing
A mystery, you learn adventure
An adventure, you learn living
A fashion you learn dressing
A competition you learn scarcity
A cooperation you learn abundance
A team work you learn networking
A lie, you learn to the truth
A truth, you learn freedom
The goal to being free is to learn your lies, challenge and face them
A job you learn duty,
When you see life as comparison, you learn envy
Destructive envy leads to priority misplacement,
This leads to value misplacementzthe root cause of shortsightedness and selfishness
So, see right to learn right to live right
See right to live right
GENIE May 2020
This isnt a poem of my thought,
Its a deep lesson life taught
In the darkest wees of the morning,
I woke feeling like ****
The previous day drowned me in defeat,
Weakness overtook me without  warning ⚠
The dawning morning was no better
Rats had eaten my drugs
I've never felt such bitter
I cursed them little thugs
The shouting and horning came within warning
In the background, groans of pain
I happen to be a staff of accident and emergency
Where we treat injuries of utmost urgency
Someone was dying at my gate,
I let them before its too late
All who brought him were more tensioned than power lines
I only had to look to understand their deep worry lines
A man's gut was outside, dripping red
This ain't just red, it's blood
Being military born and bred,
Emotions never Flood at sight of the red
Kidney, intestines, liver and all
Whose for rhymes sake i call paul
We're torn, even his bladder and gall
My legs shivered, I almost took a fall
My body shivered despite engine heat
I searched for the nearest seat
At the sight of man's raw meats
My heart skipped 10 consecutive beats
What made it even more touching,
Was what he kept moaning,
What he kept asking
He'd been climbed by a tow vehicle engine,
While sleeping,
His tow vehicle engine
A trailer that tows trailers
He'd been virtually killed by it
Partially killed by it
Yet he kept asking of it
Praying nothing happens to it
My eyes almost broke in tears
Something that hadn't happened in memory long years
Despite everyone's fears
This man had different fears
This was something he didn't value before
But as he laid on death's dark shore
He valued it like never before
This made me feel bad, then sad, then mad
Realizing I don't value enough, all I had
Always complaining things are bad, times are hard
But not anymore,
I won't get to death's dark shore
Till I appreciate, give thanks even more,
What I have now even before,
Every single scrap in my life store
Life is a gift I realize,
A gift, a trophy, a prize
Not by chance or a game of dice.
To live is divine consent,
Every second, years, every moment
It's a gift called the present
Life's too short to resent
Be thankful sister, be grateful brother,
And please share this with another
This isnt a Made up story,
It's a true life story.
Moral lesson:value what you have now,
                         Look at your life and say wow
  May 2020 GENIE
BeAutiFul ConFuSion
This is where I go to think,
The isle of banished dreams,
A place long forgotten,
But bursting at the seams,
I come here to think,
I come here to wade,
In the waters of regret,
In here I feel at peace
But no not just yet...
I come here to banish all those pointless goals,
To let go of al those broken dreams,
This place is always locked from me,
But sadness is the key
This place,
This place, is always open unto me...

This place, I come to lose myself in fears,
In anxieties, in dilemmas, all those wasted years,
I come to think, and let my tears build the sea,
This place,
This place, is the true definition of me...

I come here to wonder,
To sit in the sand,
To wonder if I'll ever leave again,
I stare up at the clear night sky,
I wonder and ask "Father can I leave?"
Can I leave this place of sorrow,
where my tears build the sea?
Can I leave this place of tragedy,
where my doubts grew the trees?
Can I leave this place where my questions
and dreams are the sand
and litter this beach?  
Father can I come home?...

I sit here in the dawn of night,
Sitting, questioning, is it ever worth the fight?
I sit here and ponder,
and let the ghosts of my broken dreams
come to my aid,
I feel fractured, hollow, unmade,
I let the voices swirl around me and scream
in my face,
"YOU COULD HAVE DONE BETTER!!"
They bellow and shriek,
I hear all of them,
I take in their council,
I understand their speak,
They speak of my wrongs,
They speak of my failures
I've given them reason,
I'm the reason they're here...

I come here to wallow in my pain,
To wash off all hope,
To be clean once again,
I come here to question to ponder to search,
To want to be better so I walk and I think,
Think along the waters edge,
Along this beach of broken dreams and
fears,
I hope I don't sink,
I want to be better,
I want to be great,
These dreams, these morals, they have yet
to break
I cling to them dearly,
As I tear out my heart, and feed it to the sea,
I want it to drown there,
But it always returns,
It always comes back,
My heart is half the reason I'm here,
It takes you by the hand,
and whispers in your ear,
And you follow it without fail,
Through storm, through fire, with no hope of
prevail,  
I follow it too,
I follow it in and out of this place every time,
She controls it, "Your heart is mine",
She knows it very well,
It's the reason I'm here, this place
This hell...

I walk deeper, and deeper into this place,
To  find where I've hid it,
I must find that place,
It's new every time, but yet, somehow the same,
This thing holds my future, it is my fate,
When I find it I can leave this place,
I can't find it here, not here, nor there,
It's inside me and I must find it but where,
where WHERE?!
It's not a key, but it is of sorts,
It's more of a conclusion, an answer, to why
I'm here,
I feel it close,
Im almost here...

I'm almost here, it's very close, it's very near,
I've thought, and thought, for what feels like years,
I want to come back stronger than before,
I've done it before, and I'll do it once more
These voices I've unleashed that storm inside my head
and help me think,
They help me, they've shown me the way ,
The way back up,
From down here below,
Im leaving now to return soon,
But for now I'm gone,
Until the next blue moon...

Comment some tags as I cant really think of any.
Also title suggestions as this one is dear to me and mine doesn't seem to sit right.
  May 2020 GENIE
Marisa
This is the table where we break our bread
and all of you are invited
to share the cup of bitterness.

Oh, taste and see how eternity embraces you,
how the broken shards merge together,
we become family again.

You do not ask for glory and give nothing
in return.
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