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There are some nights when
sleep plays coy,
aloof and disdainful.
And all the wiles
that I employ to win
its service to my side
are useless as wounded pride,
and much more painful.
I'm unapproachable;
Antisocial - like the last polar bear
pondering where all the ice went.
This apocalyptic wasteland's death grip
strikes like Spock's back hand,
but lacks the tenacity to finish them.
Unkempt revenge - pit me against the spent.
I'm locked in combat with these autopilot pussycats
as they feverishly flutter by life on burnt batteries.
I'll stay strangling the head of a lantern
while banging on the door of the Banished
'till those mother ******* get fed up and answer.
I'll subdue every corner of evolution 'til
I grow fangs and communicate via echolocation.
Then I'll circumnavigate the coliseum
like Casper tweaked out on freedom.
Throw away your crucifixes, Lucifer.
That's not what you're supposed to use them for.
This is just linguistics infused with an acid drip;
Fourth dimensional Hieroglyphics ripped
from the pages of forbidden scripture
then translated through star patterns.
You see a pentagram, I see an anagram
dispelling your dimwitted notions.
A page from the past - A name tag crippled
by your misplaced primitive gasp.
when we go back in time,
will we find something that is familiar?
will we find a sign?
will we find moments that we can remember?

when our hope is lost,
will we find a way to make it work?
will we care how much it costs?
if we try maybe we'll find our luck.

we will see what others can't see,
just remember,
we can also be what others can't be,
and still be who we are.
I left it here,
came back
a different person
searching for
the same object.

Three years
of moving back and forth
searching for it,
frantically blind
in every nook and cranny,
in eyes filled with words only
I couldn't read,
in corners, seams,
**** even
web-like cracks on the walls.

I kept searching
til it drove me
mad.

They say lost objects show themselves
by the time you've stopped searching,
so I did.

I stopped searching,
see it's already lost.

We are both lost.

I don't know where to find it,
and I don't think it still remembers
its way
back to me.
The first time we said hello, it was 3am on a Saturday and we were both at home working on our respective arts. Some malign god of internet romance decided to connect our two phones together from across the ether.

          Three weeks later, you gripped me tight as I stepped off a bus and in that moment I felt like thin ice. Not standing on thin ice, Like I was made of it. Like if every shard of my being was leaning inwards, cracked yet holding itself together. I was afraid, yet the most alive I've ever been.

People say I'm not the best hugger. Those people would be right. But when our two solar systems pulled themselves apart you whispered to yourself. "I want to do that again."
People talk about the one that got away. Those people don't know the first thing about love; Love, love is a train that twists and turns and honestly by the time you get where you're going you don't know who is going to be standing on that station when you get off. Love is hoping that even though she leaves there is some forgotten deity that will pull her back into your arms when the time is right. Love is accepting that she, won't be pulled back. That maybe when the day is right; you'll see her painting in a gallery. Love is hoping that on that day, She'll still have your poems on her shelf.
Does growing up mean that you are not allowed to feel?
Is it about covering up your scars so well that we all forget the burdens that these shoulders have carried?
Am I entering a competition to see who can tape together their broken pieces the best?
Does growing up mean putting a piece of duck tape over your stories to silence the sum of who you are?

Because if that's what this is...
I beg of you,
Please do not make me do that.
I have stacks and heaps of poems I have misread.

Where I filled the blanks

which were not meant to be filled.

Where I was supposed to stand stupefied by absurdity of life

I tried to find some order , some reason.

Where I was supposed to sit and listen to worries

I gave advice.Or worse, interfered in lives not mine.

It was always about what I could give to life,

than what life has given to me.

So I have suffered long

trying to fill silences in heart

and words in blank pages.

And never to have made a difference.

Never to have known the beauty

of being incomplete and unfinished.
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