dear you,

i’m in love.
yes. you were
waiting, i
bet, for this.
this time, though,
it is not
what you would
think. it’s me
this time, not
you, although
it’s still you,
but not in
the way it
used to be
you. it’s my
fault this time,
my doing,
my painful,
pitiful,
suffering.
it’s you in
the sense that
i cannot
control you.

this time,

it’s your mind and your thoughts
the things that slip off of your tongue
the words you put, pencil to paper
the ideas that come out in your songs

it’s your eyes and your sight
the careful observation of beauty
the need to bask in warm, pure light
the stare you give me, rarely now

it’s your movements and your touch
the hugs where you grip my shoulders
the times where i’m drunk and playing with your fingers
the warmth you give off and your gorgeous smile

none of them
are mine to
have, to take
to keep, to
love, to break

i miss you
and to go
and detach
to break what
we have, that’s
the hard way
out. but i
am trying
to help me.

i feel the
same way i
did when you
said i was
wrong about
this. about
how i feel.

i’m hoping
disposing
myself of
you, means that
the dreams will
go away
too. but if
they stay,
i’ll give you
a quick call.
probably
a text, to
be honest.

i love you,
unhealthily,
with every
part of me.

keep in touch,
please.

love,

me.

Stricken with black and white
For these brittle bones
Refuse to bend with all the ways
I live my life
With Death’s advance gambling away with my addictive tendencies
And these golden eyes shine bright
With silver hopes
Laced with tidbits of salt
Grounded in constellation smiles
Treading ever so playfully on my heart
Liplocked straight razors
Slicing through my every dream
Locked away in some far off
Hillsong forest
Benevolent to yours truly
With a guitar, bottle of whiskey
And a bullet.

You were there for my birth,
You tried to raise me.
The drugs rotted your brain,
Nothing was ever the same, nothing turned out how I wanted it to be.

Violent from the withdrawals,
Swinging your left and right fists at my brothers and moms jaws.
We couldn’t do it, we had to get away.
We boarded a plane, a small place in Colorado is where we decided to stay.

I grew up away from you, without a father figure it made life tough,
Learned how to drive, work and survive without you dad was hard enough.

Mom got remarried, her husband I grew to hate,
The way he loved his kids, broke me down, I cried alone in my room with an extensive amount of heartbreak to contemplate.

Years pass. I live on my own, regardless of all the *******, I still talk to you and make sure you’re okay,

Dodging cops and violating probation is a game you still continue to play. You weren’t there for much of my life, but regardless, I still love you dad and nothing will ever change that.

Maybe one day you become a better person and we can do all the things a father and son should.
But in the meanwhile I’m living with this pain, wishing you the very best.

my loneliness is killing me

She can walk
          between
             night and day
               never letting either
                  get in her way.
She learned this trick
                     many moons ago
                                by
                     going deep within
           and never letting it show.
Her soul is innocent
her heart is pure
she’s gone through more
than most could endure.
            She’s an angel of light
                 an angel of dark
                 you never know
              what you will spark.
                      You want to hurt her?
                         Please, go ahead and try
                           she’ll be the one to show you
                                  just how well she can
                                                              f
­                                                                l­
                                                                ­  y.
                                  Her soul innocent
                    her heart pure
      but never think for one minute
that she’s not secure.
                                Say what you will
                          please, do what you must
                       but your jealousy and hatred
                             won’t waver her trust!
~

i’m not all of me
there’s a piece of me
in everyone i’ve met
in every room i’ve lived in
in every city i’ve been
in every mistake i’ve made
in every breath i’ve taken

there is a piece of you
that’s always in me too