I’m happy.
No one in my life
To destroy what I have built

I’m happy.
Living in the midst
Of a deadly pandemic

I’m happy,
knowing I’m no longer
with you

The first person to find out
The first person I was scared of
The first person I had ever loved

The first person to have ever
break my heart



Dear friend, my first true love,  
You will always be in my heart.
I could never forget you. No matter how hard I tried.

The next few hours  can determine
ones chance of survival.
Of stability in their lives as an adult.


Good luck in your GCSEs my dear friends! It’s not your fault exams got cancelled.

I never had an  option  
I let people do as they pleased,
acted as if nothing affects me
And it didn’t.
Nothing they could say could make me
Any sadder or depressed as I have been in the past.
This wasn’t the case for you.

After all this time of trying
so ******* hard to protect you
from the lies and abuse,
you do the same to me
when you know exactly how that felt.
It was draining you for months and months and months.

And then you go back to her
Saying that your friends again
“it wasn’t her fault, it was mine”
When will you understand that
repeating the phrase doesn’t make it  true?
You’re tangling yourself in a web

It should never have been my job
To make sure you survive
But without me you were suffocating
And I had no choice
Now that I’m gone, who will save you
We all know it won’t be yourself

A mess of colors spill

On this blank canvas

A multitude of pages unfilled

A horde of ideas dead

I put the mess into a frame

Hoping to gain a new perspective

All I really found was pain

And incomprehensible emotions

Slowly suffocating in ink
Thinking this will somehow make
living life any easier

Thinking and thinking
And eating and eating
Cake at 2 o’clock in the morning
Trying to forget

Cloud over my head
Pouring out blood,
sweat and tears
from the days of
Helping you survive

Head held up high
in desperation
Praying and praying
that I don’t drown

Slowly suffocating
And restricting any other love
for my mind, body and soul
Putting you first was the
Utmost worse decision I have
ever made in my life.

Because years later
I’m still drowning in my own sorrows
from back in those days
When I loved you.