I posses you
Is that such a bad thing to do?
You wanna get your **** together
I understand that
But what the hell
I wanna be with you
In all the countries
We can travel
Together
Or visiting each other
Build connection
Step by step
But I’m already connected
You’re my lover
But what’s about me?
Will you wash that shirt
Which I was wearing
So you can wash
The memories away
Forget me faster
But I don’t want you
To forget me baby
Please don’t forget me
Tell me you’re care
Say it again

It’s so sad
That you said
You don’t see us
Together

I was fifteen
Sitting on a windowsill
Smoking a cigarette
Dreaming

Ten years later
I’m no longer sitting there
No longer smoking
And no longer dreaming

I have a crush on you
Why wouldn’t I?
You’re so my type
So my style
So careless
But so caring
Multicultural
Individual
So am I
My double trouble
What will I do
When you leave me
Will you miss me
At least a little bit?
Or quite a lot?
Did you mean it
When you said
That you cared
About me?

I had this thought which I have found a little scary
What if these things which you were saying
You said but didn’t mean at all
Who am I to you after all?
A friend? A person you hanged out with for a month?
Or just a gal you had acquaintance with?
Avoiding girly analyze
Of what you think and say to me
Of what you wanted me to hear
Or what you feeling
What are you feeling deeply?
Our relationship is going through time testing
And are we passing such exam?
Some time ago you even made a joke that we could marry
Each other
Oh my god  
I even didn’t know how to react on such request
But honestly I’d probably consider proposition
Not from romantic side and all
But just because it’d give the possibility to stay with you a little
And do the things together
The things we dreamed about
You know we short in options
In current situation
When boarders closed
And lockdowns everywhere
I wish to share with you my moods
Right at the moment
And now it’s hard to do
We’re having 14 hours difference
My sunrise - your sunset
It’s gonna be two years already
That’s why I’m asking you
If you’re ready
Not let your joke come true
I may not ask you for such thing
But do you wanna have with me
Some part of our future?

I was lost in the mountains
Around the spiritual seekers
I was hearing woods whispers
Jungle singing it’s songs
I was singing together
With chirping birds
Thunders when changing weather
Was going to burst
Sky shredding it’s tears
Never ending beauty of nature
They say I am natural
Count me as a local
Count me as a family member
And I’m feeling proud
I’m not lonely
When Himalaya around me
It went straight to my heart
And I keep it inside of my chamber

I was drowning
I was sinking inside my mind’s depth
I will not tell to anyone what I have found there
Because they’ll never understand
But they will see

Looking at your pictures
In my gallery
And not getting bored
To look at them
Seeing you
Isn’t that magical?
My love to you
Is unconditional
Just so you know
I’m going with the flow
Following my path
Looking forward to see you
Again
Don’t know where
But I will see you
For sure
Not only on photograph

You’re thinking I’m crazy
Yeah, I’m definitely mad
And definitely in love with you
My baby
I’m in love with life
In love with myself
And my body too
Like I fully accept it
Surprisingly
Thinking about nothing
But you
Having childish hopes
Spinning in my head
Don’t **** the romance
Let it grow
In something bigger
I wish we could
Be together
For real
Not only
In my head

I would live in a tent on the rooftop
Of this home of yours
Watching the starts every night
And dreaming about the universe
Of our life meaning
Of our purpose and goals
I could hear the wind singing
And telling me what’s true and what’s false

What makes you happy?
A cup of coffee in the morning
New printed book
A kiss of sunlight in the noon
A kiss of loved one on your cheek
His grin and look of his black eyes
What makes you happy?
Live in a moment
Forget your past
Don’t let the consequences last
No more
Go further
Go explore
Yourself
Himself
Go learn about the life
One day you’ll truly be
A happy human being

We have limited emotions
As limited options
Limited conditions
As limited opinions
**** them
From start to the final
Limited turns
Limited desires
Limited lies
Unlimited hopes
Or maybe limited too?
Idk how
But I feel limited also
Except my unlimited dreams
Limitations no option for a dreamer
Dream without limit
Dream without boundaries
Dream till the end
For God’s sake
Don’t limit yourself

I just need a friend to cry
On his shoulder
Oh I wish I never grew older
If I could I’d erase last two years
Of my life
But it’s useless
To regret of the past
I know it is useless
But I still do
Sometimes I just wish
That I never knew you
(Cause now you’re gone anyway)
I almost don’t think about you
But in my dreams you’re chasing me
Your voice, your face
Are chasing me
And I’m not changing
Not at all
I’m just the saddest of them all
And there’s no use for me
I’m just existing
Like a wild flower
I’m weak
I’ve got no power
Anyone can pluck me out
This soil doesn’t fit me anyway
Doesn’t nurture me
And you ****** the life out of me
I was so alive!
I was alive!
I was alive!
Alive!
Alive!
I was
But I’m not anymore
Not anymore
We are not anymore
We aren’t
****…
But I was alive before you
Where has she gone?
I don’t recognize myself
Everyone’s doing something important
Achieving their important goals
Living up to their dreams
And it all makes sense
But I do not make any sense
Not at all
and I don’t know how to make any sense
All the ways lead to the dead end

I’m so afraid to forget you
Like I’ll loose everything
Like I’ll loose your love
Like I’ll loose any hope
Like I’ll loose the sense of home
Like I’ll give up on something sacred
Like I’ll become completely cynical
Like there’s gonna be no way back

Please don’t get attached
It won’t end well
That’s what you told me
Before we started our travel
It was my rule as well
You know
To never get attached
To anybody
But for some reason
You’re the guy
For whom I broke
That rule
You haven’t asked me for it  
You even asked the opposite
I didn’t want to hear it
Cause all I wanted -
Be with you
And not to let you go
My dear
Askim

Getting drunk alone on the beach
Thinking about you insanely
Thinking about you all the time
Thinking about you to come
And visit me
Maybe
One day
Somewhere
Don’t know when
But that’s gonna happen
Definitely
Im sure
I’m just so crazy
About you
Baby

I will wait for you
Doesn’t matter how long
Should I wait
I will wait for you
Even if you don’t bring me
Any flowers
I will wait for you
Even if it’s very cold outside
I will wait for you
Even if everyone will say
Not to wait for you
I will still wait for you
Because you are worth waiting

I’m like an opened book
You can look through
All the pages
I’m allowing you
To do that
To see
How reckless I am
How spontaneous
Staring at my insanity
Reading between the lines
Contemplating
Priceless experience
Precious features
Appreciating
Crossing paths
Minutes of temptation  
Exploring
Under the skin
Timeless hopes
Infinity in the eyes
The sacred touch
Of your fingertips
The culmination
Of our journey
Adventures creature
Breathtaking moments
Hotel room intimacy
Backseat moans
Abandoned souls
Crashing on
Each other

Let’s see each other
Some other time
Some other place
But see each other
Anyways

I feel really bad
And I don’t know
What to do
And I mean it
Nothing is meaningful
I feel like
Every minute
I can disappear
Just dissolve in the air
I’m telling you
Watch me fading
My mind is blurry
I wish I could have
Some control
I wish I could handle
This overwhelming ****
I’m melting in space
I’m merging with objects
God I hate this anxiety
Which attacks me at night
When you’re away
And it seems like
I’m in that movie
About the sin city
And everything’s wicked
I panick
Cold sweat
All over my body

I’m at the beach
Where you were holding
My hand
While you were sleeping
Hand in hand
Swimming together
You said you can’t
Lay back on the water
Only with my help
You could
For a while
Until the tide
Has covered your body
What a moment
How precious was it

Enjoying my life
Being spontaneous
Taking my time
Trust only those
Who worth it
Clean up the room
Get rid of the mess
In my head
Being ridiculous
And don’t care about it
Laughing out loud
Singing on the streets
Holding your hand
In mine
Drinking beer
On the beach
Wine at the bar
And jin at home
Sharing my feelings
Watching the tides
Facing the future
Putting on make up
Looking pretty
Waiting for your validation
Coping nobody
Being myself
Saving electricity
Eating plant based
Not checking on news
Not scrolling Instagram
Being present
Feeling good

Split on tho halfs
On behalf
Of the ******* Lord
******* it
I fall in love
With the fallen angel
Of my sacred dreams
I praise you
I adore you
I’m away from you
Probably forever
Who cares?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
No one
You’re not here
And I’ve become
Nobody

I’m disabled
You knocked me out
When you left
I gave you so much
But I’m ready to give you
Even more
If you want me to
I wish that
You want me to
I don’t care
About the food
I’m eating
I don’t care
About the news
I don’t care
About the beauty
Of the sunset
If I’m not meeting it
With you
Without you
Colors lost their brightness
And all what mattered
Lost it sense
But did I loose
The hope
To see you soon?

The pigeons ******* on the tree
I’m watching them from balcony
There’s no room for intimacy
In a wild nature
So many witnesses of love making
It is no subject for the shame
And what the humans calling lust
For them is only their wild nature

I’m a girl with no legacy
With zero on my bank account
I reset my karma
Minimize my desires
Making my ego smaller
Letting the world swallow me
Not resisting my destiny
Living freely
Swinging high
I’m a dreamer
Who let all the dreams go
I’m accepting
Not looking for anything
Not looking for anyone
Not comparing with someone
Better, richer or prettier
I’m not rolling no dice
I don’t believe any news
I’m revealing my weaknesses
So they know where to aim
Go and shoot me
Come and get me
But like the air I’ll disappear
In between your fingers

I’m too far away from myself
Too far away from what nurtures me
Few days back I found out
That my name means “sea” in Persian
It took me almost twenty eight years
To learn that
But it made sense completely
As water my home
And when I’m far away from it
I’m feeling homesick
I’m feeling blue
As deep blue waters
The tender touch of the waves
With my feet on the soft sand
I really miss that
I feel like I’m in another galaxy
Or maybe another dimension
Where everything is so strange
And doesn’t make sense
Even the air and the atmosphere
Doesn’t suit me
The local air causes cough
I don’t understand people’s jokes
Their motivation and motive
Their purpose of life
Well… don’t get that either
As they don’t get me
Se la vi

I want to learn how to fight
So then no one can hurt me
Those who are strong are always right
And ain’t the opposite
Karma will be bought with money
While spots in heaven are sold out
It’s truly a hard place honey
If you’re not strong enough- you’re out
That’s why I wanna learn how to fight
So my fists will know how to answer
Or start the conversation
But for now I am too weak
Too weak to speak in a fist language
I also wanna know
How to get my feelings under control
Because what I feel, I feel too much
And this world is ruled by heartless people

We ran over a dog
And you said
**** the dog
How could you only
Say that?

Please bring me peaches
The sweetest and the juiciest you find
But no, don’t bring me anything
I don’t need any thing, but you
I’m waiting
Was playing your little housewife
Cleaning the mirror in the washroom
Doing the dishes
I even bought a little black dress and red roses
Was waiting for you
Laying on the bed in this little black dress
Playing music of my favorite artist on YouTube
Put flowers in the water
You came home
You undressed me
That little black dress played it’s role -
I got your attention
I was kissing you and eating makeup from your face
That what is like dating a model
The word destiny is following us everywhere
Is it a destiny?
When you were reading my hand
You said our lines look the same
Are they?
So funny that you also read horoscopes
We both eating plant based
Let’s order Thai curry as always
Put on some jazz music
And share a joint
While that little black dress is laying crumpled beneath the black blanket

Too addicted to social media
Lost the present
I don’t feel the God’s presence
Within or around me
The universe ain’t talking to me no more
I’m not stalking you no more
But your stupid posts are reaching me
In the social media
Easy dopamine addicts
Shortened attention spin
Ain’t meditative
Mad to the very depth of our minds
Looking here, looking there
Looking everywhere for something
Something important or pleasures
We’ve lost ourselves in constant scrolling
Of other people thoughts
Applying them on us
Who needs life when we got movies?
Who needs adventure when we got the comfort zone?
Don’t wanna leave it, do you?
I’m so ******* dreamy, lost in my head
Seems like I’ve lost my heart somewhere there too

Too excited to sleep
Scribbling words instead
Putting them together
In the finest order
Shoulder to shoulder
Staying them all
So unique and so equal
My words
Existing independently without me
Before and after
I’m borrowing them while I can
Breathe
But words continue to live

Too many implications which we are not
Mind hectic, dosha imbalance
Make sense out of this madness
Bet on your sanity, trying to crack the riddle
Not this, nor that, what is it?
A stranger in your own body
Disconnected from the authentic
Not this, nor that
The roots forgotten
Still seeking the truth
In the blinding darkness
Stumbled upon the eye opener
Your salvation is surrender
And recognition
Not this, nor that
Delirium
Who’s playing human
Forgets he’s not the character
Not this, nor that
Acknowledged being lost
At least knows that he is not that
Philosophy for hopeless nutcase
Drop, drop the hopes
Not this, nor that
Be here and now
Don’t listen to your head
The mind is sick
And spreading poison
Not this, nor that
Not that, nor this
Forget forget
Drop drop
Illusion drop
Not this, nor that
It’s only in your head
A thinker stop to think
Not this, nor that
Not this, nor that
It’s only in your head

I have no home
Or nowhere I belong
What I owe is nothing
Big men in the big chairs try to cheat me
But they won’t break me
Yes, I might cry
But won’t break apart
I won’t give up
I fed up with your lies
I fed up with your ***** games
I fed up with your cold eyes
Yes you might see me through
But you won’t break through
I have no weak spots
Bc I’m here all naked
I’m in front of you
I’ll show you all me weaknesses myself
No need to ask for it
I’m not asking for help
I’m not helpless
I’m like a stray dog
Nobody owes me
And I don’t owe anyone
I’m the biggest enemy of myself
You won’t take the first place
Don’t try to become my best mate either
That place is taken by me

Smoking cigarettes
And not to care
About it
Not for a minute
Not at all
Are you coming
To my home country?
I’d love to show you
Everything around there
My favorite spots
My favorite places
Where I spent my childhood
I want you to meet
My mom
To have conversation
Just three of us
Go out of the city
Together
Maybe go to a club
Listen to music
Dance till the dawn
Kiss insanely
Singing love songs
Waking up together
Maybe watch Netflix
In bed
Talk about life
Talk about anything
Sharing everything
Forget about problems
Being pure
Loving each other

Keeping your name
On the tip of the tongue
Like a mantra
Trying to tame my anxious mind
Help me to sleep
Was it my karma
To meet you?
Or just a simple mistake
Would I dare to jump into
If I knew what’s on stake
I’m loosing my mind
Perhaps my first shrink was right
With that diagnosis
I’m so certainly uncertain
About no **** at all
I wouldn’t bet on me
That’s not someone
You’d like to rely on
Stay away
For gods sake
That girl got issues
Push me away
Push me harder
Make it more painful
Seems like I made some mistakes
Just to make myself suffer
So I’ll have something
To punish myself for
How adorable
You really are a ******
It’s kinda cute
When you’re in early twenties
But you’ve outgrown the cute age, right?
No one likes you
No one cares
And every single one thinks you’re stupid
You look ridiculous
Am I not nice to myself after all ?

I have this love and hate relationship with my homeland
Always felt ashamed of the passport I’m holding
Hiding at right away
After airport check in
So no one can see
Bc that’s not the person I wanted to be
Never felt free in here
Never felt this place suits me
Every time coming back
I have this fear
That I will stuck
And won’t get out
From here
Perhaps I would love this place a little more
If we had borders opened with Europe
Or even better no boarders at all
If not the Russian influence
If we had national identity a little more
Oh god I’m so tired of repeating it
That no, my country is not a part of Russia
No we have our own history separate from them
And our own language
But I don’t even know it properly
Bc these jerks from the East of us did everything to eliminate it
(If I only could I would cut out Russian language out of my memory forever
And replace it with something else)
But at least I’m half Ukrainian
Which makes me a little bit more proud of my blood
Bc unlike these country residents they’ve got *****
And they do not have this national identity crisis
I’ve been raised up without family values
Even more I’ve been raised up without no values at all
I mean there were people who tried to put some values in me
But they couldn’t make it
Sometimes I envy those who’ve got some values
At least it makes some sense for their living
While I’m just keeping my existence senseless
And I turned out to be the saddest adult after all
Well if you can call an adult this infantile creature
It seems like I went too far
So what I wanted to say is
It seems like I pity my country out of love
But I don’t want to identify with it
Or be somehow connected
Oh god let’s us be the creators of our own destiny

Everything can happen
Any time
I wanna learn you language
I want to speak to you in your mother tongue
I wanna bite your lips
They’re so sweet
You’re my baby
I wanna ******* everywhere
I wanna ******* in your parents bedroom
How have I become so possessed?
I’m just obsessed with you
Talking with my therapist about you
Talking with my friends about you
Talking in my head about you
All the time
I’m so drunk
And you’re the strongest *****
I’ve tried so far
You’re my muse
And my seducer
To think about you every minute
To write thousands words
To describe my feelings
To write you out of my head
But yet
You still there
You have taken all the space
You’re everywhere