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Remember this...

You are the reason for countless,
sleepless nights where I lay awake
wondering what light you would bring.

You are the reason I had no imagination,
believing that no one could fill the gaps
and why each day came with a sting.

Unknown to me, who you were going to be.
You sang to me, so sweet! You make my dreams
weep with joy and sadness.

Unknown to me, you were everything
or nothing. Someone to depend on or destroy.
I've torn you down but you stand with me in the mess.

You helped me through everything,
good and bad,  through my darkest moments when
self-harm and suicide didn't seem so bad.

You expected it back in return but when I couldn't
live up, you didn't leave you stayed
because you knew you were the only thing that made me glad.

This is for you, whoever you are,
thanks for being there. I know I don't say it much
but I don't know what I'd do without you.

This is for you,  because I know you are truly
willing to forgive me and I cannot repay that
or even begin to.

Just remember I wrote this for you.
This is my 200th poem on here.
I was talking to the dead, just the other day, on my way home from town
Probably the best conversation in years,
There they were, in my memories.
Standing proud, smiling strong
I told them how they were missed, how they still manage to inspire from so far away into the dark
Some though, still my contempt runs deep for the sword like scar they have left as part of remembrance
These apparitions, they never spoke, they embellished reality,
For 10 whole minutes, that had the faint taint of an eternal whisper, it was for me a reality of subconscious yearning
The surreal was today
With the reason of today , I got to play
And as I knew that it was only going to end with an effervescent evolution into the here and now
I said goodnight, and I love you still,
Stay close to my heart, and always our time shall be forever real
My notebook is filled with squiggles and lines,
A franctic search for words to define,
The chaos in my head, I scream, I pine,
For a soul to unlock this mental prison of mine.
I packed some books,
a change of clothes
got 10 bucks to my name
it's not much,
but it's all I have
and half of it's in change

without a destination, though
I'm sure I won't get far
but all I'll have to carry
is a bag and a guitar

my phone bill comes out in a week
I don't think I can pay
I guess I'll figure something out
I always find a way
All I really know right now is that I can't stay here
April has been full of warmth.
April has been a lovely dream.

Golden sunshine in between book pages,
butterflies fluttering in their cages.
Still summer afternoons, a loving sigh,
walking under the moonlit sky.
Spontaneous evening rendezvous,
midnight musings ensue.

Walking behind to steal glances,
the heart silently prances.
Memorizing the curves of each hair,
tracing the freckles on skin so fair.
Talking about love and nonchalance,
coy smiles as a response.
A cigarette between her fingertips,
I gaze longingly at her glossed lips.

After endless dialogue,
it is time for the epilogue.
Professional Bully
Whispering gossip
Slandering others
Behind their backs
You undermine confidence
Turning weak followers
Against the kindest of souls

Professional bully
You cringe and fawn
With the high ranking order
You flutter your eyelids
At the biggest boss

Professional bully
You are sweetness personified
At the top table
Yet you spit scorn
At subordinates
Despising their weaknesses
Exposing their faults

Professional bully
You play out your childhood
Disguising your agonies
With cold clinical acumen
Titles are everything
And positioning critical
You defend your arrogance
With vicious fury

Professional bully
You have ‘friends’ in high places
Networks of networks
And hidden connections
You are part of club ugly
You tremble in isolation
Workplace your temple
Real life your void
21st May 2016
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