Im waiting for damnation
Im waiting to be killed.
Im waiting to be rejected.
No matter how hard i try
im never enough
Why?
See you think you are a **** god
And i am like some slave to you.
You said things would get bettet
You said i could be happy
But youre the same still
No difference.
You lied...again
What the ****?

I don't know if you experienced abuse before in any form.
You are scared to the point of checking your phone because if you miss a message they will punish you with twenty more saying you should answer right away.
You’re afraid to eat because of something that they will say.
Your scared when you wake up and when your breathing.
You cry yourself to sleep.
When the abuser acts normal and loving you stay because you love them and their old self is showing.
You enjoy those moments where it seems peaceful because it helps you get through the bad parts of when the abuse happens.
If the abuser acts nice your scared because you want it to last so you don't say anything and they think your behavior is weird.
I feel so lost and dizzy, I don’t know what is true anymore.

To love her big fat piggy heart
It's almost impossible not to actually
She's so filled with life
And no regret
I sure love her
With my little igloo penguin heart

I want ur imprint
On me
Where ever
U like
Please tell me
U loved biting
Me

Your eyes
As the ocean
Piercing through darkness.
My countess
Take me far away.
Take me to a place
That only contains us.
Your lips
Roses defined.
Kiss me untill
Everything falls away
And we are left
To cuddle in the clouds.
My countess
Breathe life into my soul
You are my everything
I will not fall.
You are the moon
Sitting so high,
You pierce the night sky
And fight all my demons away.
Yes its easy to say.
I love you
Now and forever
My queen,
My bae
:

The first time i saw you
I witnessed the clouds part.
You were simply walking
I thought to myself, holy ****
Because
I'd never seen
Someone as cute as you in my life
cliche right
No.
Because see you looked at me too.
And i must ask
what were you thinking?
If...
Anything at all.
I found myself thinking of you all day
Nothing lustful,
No
Just innocent thoughts.
I thought about how clear your eyes are
And how much i would like to talk to you.
Im a loverboy.
God i know.
And i fall easy.
But trust me,
I want you
You are different.
Just like me.
And i value that.
I value you
I know these words are words.
But i am trying to be brave.
See
i dont like to be brave
But you are worth humility
Worth slander
Worth anything.
You took my heart that day.
And if its okay with you,
Id like to implement a no returns policy
Im a simple guy
But my feelings for you are joyfully complicated.
I looked in the mirror that day.
i took a **** good look at myself
And i came to the conclusion that i couldnt win a girls heart like yours.
But i know.
i know
That you dont love for the appearence.
Every time we meet
You greet me with a warm smile,
tight hug
And i hope
You see something in me that you like
Right?
God i hope so.
I can never find the words to tell you
But
Here it is.
I like you.
(As i fall over in ******* relief)

Prepare yourself,
this gets interesting












Have you ever imagined how a hanging body sways.
Back and forth
A human pendulum
The physics between each swing.
The noose,
The body
potential to kinetic energy
Over
And over
And over.
welcome
To the dark side of my brain,
The dark side of my art we call poetry.
This is the side not many see.
Because this side of me craves a bullet between my eyes,
My delicate blood to be splattered as artwork.
This is the raw side of me.
That i dont show people
This is terrible you could be thinking
Or...
You could be thinking
ive heard worse
And maybe so
But nothing is worse to me than wishing for ******* death,
Rather than looking at a ******* abuser one last ****** time!
ive had enough
And
I know im crazy.
But every human snaps...
Kind of like the time he snapped my arm
a slight pop
And
Ouch
A world of pain.
But stop,
And you could be thinking...
now what the actual **** am i reading
Allow me.
You are reading a lonely 15 year old boy's crazy side.
A side he can easily hide,
But has decided not too.
This is the thought of letting my inner self free just once
Letting my suicide revolver speak only in poetry just once
No,
If you actually care
Dont worry about me.
Im fine.
Im not gonna guzzle bleach
Pop a bullet
Or go for a physics lesson.
Nope im gonna keep living
And writing crazy **** like this.
Let my imagination, though dark it may be, run for a bit.
Heres the truth.
We all have a bit of this side in us.
We all have those thoughts.
Those whispers.
And i resist them, yes.
Because truth is,
its my inner brilliance
The fact that i let myself ease in to the darkness,
But refuse to let it controll me...
Its a true gift.
And i hide it
Behind a thin veil of happieness.
Because in the end,
Only a true lover can make these thoughts mend.
(Wait what the ****!?! Is this a **** love poem)
Ha!
Nope.
Well maybe a bit
Its just me
An average guy
Telling you,
Im lonely
Depressed
Insecure.
And i hope there is someone
To come with me
To be with me
To love me
To hold me
To make me feel whole again.
*do you believe someone could love such a wreched person like me?