my lonely pigeon,

forgive me, I didn't

let you in the warm,

I left you all alone

in the frozen cold.

I was afraid from your

soul-whispering wings.

you wanted to come

near to me -

so desperately,

But i was afraid

from the touch

of the Death

in your tired wings

On the balcony

you stayed -

motionless and sad.

My heart was like

well of hope -

How to make you live?

God's hands hugged

you peacefully after

some days,

you remained lost -

little cold feather and

bones on your place.




.......No♥r .......

          november -12-

he is beautiful
oh, like the sun
dripping golden light,
& God what I would give
to have him make
the flowers in my mind
grow again

When I first saw you,
I don't know what to do.
It feels like it was a scene from a movie-
with a perfect song playing in my earphones.

You approached me and said my name.
Once again I was speechless.
But before I could even reply,
you smiled and turned back to your friends.

I know my feelings were true
but I need to know yours too.
So i went alone to you;
I expressed all my hidden feelings-
and found out the truth.

The truth.
The truth that made me feel like an idiot.
The truth that I can't believe.
The truth that made me woke up from my fantasies.

Your heart told me.
My eyes saw it.
You were together.
My face might expressed my laughter-
but you cant see any deeper.

Now liking you doesn't exist in me.
I wasted so much time daydreaming.
Realized that I'm not really meant for you.
Started to pick myself up in this reality.

I never got an answer.
It means I was neither accepted- nor rejected.
Friends was in between though.
But it's okay to leave it like that.
Since your heart told me, my eyes saw it.

As I try to make a home for you,
Inside my barren heart,
I find that I knew that this
Would fail from the start.
But what's life without taking chances?
I have lost so many things
My love, my trust, and my sanity
Brick by brick
I can feel myself building
Yet another wall.
But I'm not sure if it's meant to
Let you in
Or watch you fall.
You can't deny the nature of me.
We are animals after all.
And if instincts never fail,
If it's my purpose to run free,
Then my purpose will prevail.
I let you in.
I undressed my soul,
I trusted again.
I held on to these last two years like it was all I had ever known.
I took off my skin.
I held onto your hand and we conquered my demons.
I let you in.
You learned my mentality.
You saw my need to separate myself from reality.
You got under my ribs and you haunted me.
You learned my weaknesses, and then you used me.
I let you in.
Knowing that in the end,
That Destiny would call
And I'd be gone again.