There are words written
On small sticky squares
Hung on my wall
None finished
just begging for me
To pick up my pen
And get back to work

There are no what ifs,
In the sea of the could haves.

For what should,
Certainly would.

Leaving only,
What is, to be.

Reality
       Becomes it
Sooner
In a rush of sudden in a    heart-skip-inhalation
It lacks the grace you've graced me so gracefully with.
I'll say graciously.
It comes thundering in
Slamming doors
                                       Shut
Slamming hearts
Thundering in, and then it forgets why it came in the first place
              Why the **** did it come in the first place
Just to rush on home
            Where time lies naked   enfolded
In my aching

I can't bear it
       The thought of it
I can't bear it
The suddeness, the sadness
Your strength refuses to man the lighthouse
I can't bear it
Your face.
It's everything.
You.
You're everything.            Everything.
Everything.

And I'll whisper this
Quieter than all the silences between us
            That I regret
I'd cry to you a million cloudbreaks
If it flooded out those
            Don't let me be
Pleading, not now, when I lie
         Claim I want it most
I want nothing more than
Everything
To hear these sad songs form the
Background
Of something else
Something small like
       My heart
My heart in your hands
Hold on for dear life
Forever
No, now. Now more than ever.

Happiness is a strange tale
It paints itself in blue
Bluer than your eyes in the half-light and my heart when you whisper,
Wait I'm lying,
Bluer than my heart in your tears
    or my mind when you say
Nothing
Something

And it heaps up inside me
Piles of piles in piles on piles
Pilling up
The dread I so
Time again
Feverishly denied

I'm ******* afraid
            Of this
And 54 days from now
Then two days from one year
I can't see myself able to
             Cope
I'm madly in love
I'm ******* afraid

I need you more than this
I love you more than
This

My head isn't in it
Of course I love you
Heart is in it
My head isn't  

I've been destroyed
All that's left is not me
I've been turned into worry
I was that strong tree

Now I am a flower
That bends to the will of the wind

Cachephony of Beautiful Mumurimg Voice
My One.  My You.
Sacred Water  Squeezed from Walls
Of Tombs
Life's Sweet Giving  Life
Your ****** To My Tongue
Blessing
Miracle of Unweilding Light