I wonder if anybody cares
When they see me with nonstop tears
While telling them about my fears
That i've been holding for years
Will they bring me any joy?
That i can truly enjoy?
Cause i can't stop the stares
Can't control the nightmares
When happiness becomes scarce
Where can i go?
what should i do?
I can be suicidal
But instead of being vital
I'll try to find a way
But here are the fears coming again
Scares me, eating my brain
I feel like I’m disdain

And I can’t take more of this pain

I wish i came to your life later
So everything would've been greater
But this time i would've hugged you tighter
Would've made sure if you're alright
I would've never let you go
Like i did before, you know...

'Cause it's getting hard to sleep lately
The pain is achieving its goal greatly

I never knew it will hurt like this
When our past is all that i miss

The ache in my heart doesn't seem to stop
When i remember you, many tears will drop

Will that waiting ever end?
Is it possible to see you again?

Even if the answer is no
I'll be waiting, there is nowhere to go!

My dark room will be my friend
Till i see something that you'll send

I'll wake up with the same excitement
To see if u called,
telling me 'bout the life you spent

I will sleep with the memories of you
And the night sky will be my view
Till i see you
Then my life will renew

But please be quick
Before that makes me sick
Cause i'm so done, with looking at anyone
And remembering about our fun, being gone..

he loved her when it was convenient
when substance soaked his system
emotions boiled over and he had no where to pour them
so he used her
like a therapist
and when the session was over
she never crossed his mind

s.s

i.
love bites as dark as the circles under my eyes like tags on my body mimicking name brands to fake worth that's not there

ii.
hello love to pretty strangers to have soft words fill the loud silence between empty bodies

iii.
flinching from bumping into someone in the store and shrinking away from a strangers smile because the feeling of being used echos beneath your skin

iv.
finding yourself comparing new people to the old and letting your heart break when they don't compare

v.
finding yourself glowing when the sun is high then finding yourself high and lonely with the stars

s.s

be with the one who sees constellations on your skin and treats you as the brightest star in the sky
be with the one whose arms feel like home and you’d run to drunk in a room of everyone you’ve ever loved
be with the one who is satisfied with just your company and needs nothing more from you but your presence
be with the one who does everything in their ability just to make you happy and doesn’t let you go to sleep sad
be with the one who distractedly traces your skin just to remind them that such a wonderful person is not a figment of their imagination
be with the person that restores your faith in true love and good people
be with that person because they are not common and never let them go

s.s

remember the boy at the window in the white button down?
and the girl grinning from inside?
remember the two of them sitting under the moon covered in bug spray and each others arms?
remember them talking about a future they claimed they wanted?
remember the look in their eyes when they saw each others faces?
remember how happy they seemed?

turns out, they're liars

that boy called her outside to taste her skin and kept her in his back pocket so on his bad nights he could take her out and pour himself into her to forget his problems. he did not love the girl, she was simply an addition to his body count.

that girl wrote ****** poetry and told everyone she was great to hide the fact that she wanted to scream and burn every reminder of that boy from her memory because she knew she was just an object. she told the stars she did not love him and her subconscious filled her dreams with his face.

they were filthy liars,
hooked on the idea of love


s.s

to the boy
who is learning
my favorite song
on piano
just to make
me smile
thank you
for reminding me
that some boys are sweet
like the melodies you play
and not all
are nails on chalkboard

s.s

let's have a meeting
on the bathroom floor
doesn't matter where
my place or yours
you can poor a drink
and i'll poor my eyes out
i'll tell you what i hate about you
until you just blackout
because you just drown problems
and i am one of them too
because you never cared about me
i was nothing to you
then when you're passed out
and my lungs ache from crying
i'll tell your unconscious self
you made me feel like dying
but then i'd brush your hair back
and drag you to bed
tuck you in to sleep
and kiss your forehead
i would tell you sweet dreams
and feel my chest burn
i hate you for lying
but it seems i never learn
i would care for you
on your death bed
because unlike you
i meant the love that i said

s.s