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I wish that I could fly
I wish that I could lie
I wish that I could cry
I wish that you would tell me why

I wish that we could dance
I wish we'd followed through the glance
I wish we would take the chance
I wish that we had romance

I wish that I could sing these words
From across the room
And as soon as you hear my voice
Your camera would focus and zoom

I also wish that you were the one
I really wish we could have fun
I really need to know if you're done
Do you know where I'm coming from?

Because this heartache is killing
And I'm not willing
To stay through a sitting
Of a show that I'll end up quitting

And one last thing

I wish I was alive
I wish we could survive
I wish you could revive
I wish I wasn't a ghost
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and whispering in my ears
that i was not good enough
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and calling me sweetheart
and putting his hands all over me
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and watching me while i cry
about how i miss you
please tell your ghost to stop following me
and laying in bed with me
keeping me from closing my eyes
please tell your ghost to stop following me
if i can't have you
then i don't want your
ghost
She comes to me
bleeding inside
from a thousand
individual scars
with pleading eyes
self contained
She speaks in gentle
refrains

"I don't know where
I'm going
I don't know who
I've become
I go through the motions
deaf, blind and dumb
I dance on cue
I stand in line
I've tried to be so
good.
I've left behind the darkness
I've forgiven the past
I'm far too aware of time
It doesn't matter really I don't mind
I wish I could tell
you what I find

The struggle between
my internal world
condemnation
irritability
judgement
fears
heartaches there, vile rages, petty hatreds
*** dancing on the head of a
pin
exquisite laughter
it's all there.

While my behavior is quite the
opposite
accommodating, loving, compassionate
flirtatious, curious
connection is my goal

When I'm alone I'm lonely
when together suffocated
the best distance is
from here to there

I wish I could tell
you that I mind

The storms still
come and go
luck rides the
tides
each day the
sunrise

This human stuff
is all too real
it creeps up on you
so you don't know
how you feel

Which is why I've
come to you to
speak my mind
they say you are the
complaint department
the garbage collector

I'm bleeding inside
from a thousand scars
that's not to say I really mind."

They say the healer
must heal themselves
so of course I ask
"How can I help you?"
The sea calls out her name,
soft whispers hidden in the sound of the waves that gently break against the shore,
holding out my hand I touch the empty air,
it reaches back yet I feel nothing but the cold,
salt filled mist that swirls through my soul.


© H V Swan
sometimes I still feel her with me
 Sep 2014 Chloe's Not An Angel
cr
the curves on my
frame are the lines of
a sketch bent slightly
too far; i'm an awkward
angle in geometry
class no one dares to
find and this tiny black

dress is revealing too
much in too little
time. the whispers of
crisscrossed marked
thighs and starry knees
swirl before me and i'm

gone, disconnected. they say
black is slimming but
i've never felt more
potent and i hope
to god no one can see
right through me.

formal dances aren't
ideal for the invisible.
why in hell did i choose a black dress again?
War
A soft thud stirs in your head, but turns to screams and wails instead.
Every day and every night each side puts up a fight.
One says yes, the other says no.
Which side is right to follow?
"Cut, bruise and eventually die."
"But you have so much to live for; why?"
Part of me knows which path is right.
The other stays wondering through the night.
As i think about my life, i can't help but catch a glimpse of the knife.
Then i think, what if i did?
I'm not important, i'm just a kid.
Each day, every minute, i wonder which side will eventually win it.
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