In the silence, I sit and ponder,
It fills up most of the day,
It does me no good to wonder,
Why my mind leads me astray.

The tablets in the morning,
Are doing me no good,
These feelings strike without warning,
And stay longer than they should.

Harsh words echo inside my brain,
From a conscience full of hate,
Regret flows through my veins,
I lay awake at night and shake.

My life plays out before my eyes,
Every moment drenched with shame,
I cry and cry and try to dry,
Theses tears packed full of pain.

I think of the people who I’ve let down,
The times I chose myself instead,
Why do they still keep me around?
I wish that I was dead.

I beat myself up daily,
I never suffer enough,
How long can you hide? I pray thee,
Behind a masquerade of trust.

My knife starts to vocalize,
It’s stunning sirens song,
It wants to sink so deep inside,
I know it won't be long.

My emotions switch from bad to worse,
I can’t control the way they play,
They pull no punches and aim to hurt,
Soon I can’t see through the rage.


My blood, it boils at the sight,
It hurts my eyes to see,
My imagined, alternate perfect life,
Could it have been this way for me?

No matter what I do or say,
Nothing ever seems to change,
The emotions will eventually fade,
Will I still be the same?

Will I fail, will I fall?
Can I deal with it if I do?
What’s the point of it all?
These questions help to tie the noose.

There’s nothing left to do for me,
So here I sit and here I stay,
I’m too scared to take the knife and see,
What lies beyond the grave.

I guess I’ll wait and carry on,
Waiting for the sacred day,
I’ll keep singing this pathetic song,
Until the time life takes me away.

This life that I've been given,
Is full of dread and sin,
T'was made by God in Heaven,
There was no opting in.

My birth, the product of a couple,
As love engulfed their hearts,
But now the hate is not subtle,
Now they quickly grow apart.

My blood aches to escape me,
From the skin it's trapped beneath,
The knife shall be its saviour,
my wrist becomes a sheath.

The blade, it smiles at me,
With all those jagged teeth,
It wants to rip right through me,
To bury itself deep.

The long sleep is calling,
The final shut of eye,
Who will be there mourning?
When I finally take my life.

My funeral won't be lengthy,
There will be no words to say,
No talks of happy memories,
Nor showcasing accolades.

I know my days are numbered,
The light now is so clear,
Each day I grow more hungered,
Each second my death draws near.

There were people here for me,
But I caused them too much pain,
To them, I say "I'm Sorry",
It wasn't meant to be this way.