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these bars of bone
this fence of flesh
this cage that holds me in
i sweat and shake
and cry and moan
it crawls across my skin.

caricature fades
the roles he plays
the act that he puts on
what's underneath,
it's small.  it's weak.
it's dopesick, and alone.

forget the fright
the fear of night,
and all the mares they bring
to gallop through
your frozen frame
and teach you how to scream.

don't try and dream
don't try and think
don't even try to sleep.
just let the horsemen
do their thing.
just lie alone and weep.

and as the war
plays out inside
your body, and your mind
you take the past
you burn it up
you take what you can find.

i welcome you
to hell, my friend.
just dive right in the flames.
learn your demons well,
my friend,
and call them by their names.
I am feeling less than human
No longer worthy of love
Each day i live out
What nightmares are made of

I am contemplating silence
The kind that doesn't end
That way I will never have to
Find out what lies around the bend

I am afraid of what I've become
I should leave while I still can
To split before I hurt someone
I think is the smartest plan

I should have known from the beginning
I would end up spiraling down
I thought i could avoid my fate
Now in addiction I drown

I'm only happy when I'm high
It is a temporary reprieve
from the pain so I cover up
marks on my arm with my sleeve

I have never felt like such a failure
Nor felt so frail and so weak
I've lost all my appetite
I can't find the will to speak

I wish I could beat the ache
Rise up and take my life back
If I were stronger then
I could get my life on track

Instead I hide my suffering
Hold the hurt I feel inside
Now everything that once was good
In me withered away and died

A flower in December
Once beautiful and innocent
My soul is no longer blooming
My petals are all bent

Is it too late to save myself
from the path I have chosen to walk on?
Can I rekindle the fire
Within or am I too far gone?

I want to believe there is still a chance
To change the person I am
I wish I was not this girl
Who would do anything for a gram

My life has been like this too long
To be exact: almost a year
I cannot remember when things went wrong
I do not know how I ended up here

I should have thought things through then
Before I took my first hit
Honestly I had no idea
How hard it would be to quit

First stage of change: acceptance
What is the second? I don't know
That is the problem, I'm ready
But have no clue where to go

I need to move an inch forward
Because my life is at stake
I want to feel how I used to
Before I made that fatal mistake
I have come so far since then and I am so proud of myself! Today is the two month mark for me being clean from ****** and I have been off suboxone for a week now I feel ****** but I know it can only get better from here on out. Some days are hard but ultimately nothing is worth the pain that comes with drug abuse. To everyone out there in recovery: STAY STRONG!
 Jul 2021 Chaos Kidd
TussyLambz
Let me go
I know this road's not easy
It's not made to please me
I leave the rest behind
  
Watch the smile fade from her eyes  
I'm alone  
Many tries now my life is on the line  
And i got no phone
  
Questioning who am I- lost to time I'm off the throne
Just another rolling stone
Flowing far from home
This i know- Till i go
  
I want to be free
Locked in with disease
Put me on my knees
Looking for the key
  
Feel so empty on the inside
Take me then divide  
Struggle then I die
Pretend I'm alive; that's a lie
  
Let me vibe, let me look to find
All in books but not defined
Lost my lines looking for a sign
Looking for anything to change my mind
  
Chained to rhymes i try to grow
In a shrine or studio
Not new to flow
Few do know what i really mean
  
Stuck between
A rock and a hard place
Blocked in all space
Take a walk and fall on my face
listen here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im2fv9nMqL8
it's kinda funny that every time someone asks me how he died
i know i have to tell them he was a ****** addict with a bad batch of ******
then autocorrect takes over -
and it's "he was a heroine addict with a bad ***** of a heroine"

one rehab after another - he tried to get sober -
but always ran back to drugs
one relationship after another - he looked for someone to save him -
but always ran back to me

maybe i'll stop trying to fix my auto-correct
******, heroine - what's the difference?
we both killed him in the end
 Jul 2021 Chaos Kidd
SG Rose
With curled lips and a growling hiss, he walks among us;
Yet you say you only see beautiful things now.
With a needle tip you shoot the Devil in
and say he takes you closer to feeling God.
One “e” short of the story you were born to finish.
A young heroine turned ******.
 Jul 2021 Chaos Kidd
mandy rigby
I knew straight away it was wrong for me,
but ****** ... was all that i could see.
I knew pretty soon, it would make me sick,
but me thinkin was slow and addiction was quick.

I didnt think then it would ruin my life,
didn't want to be its slave, nor be its wife.
Didn't know then the years would fly by,
for every low there is a high.

Didn't think then my addiction would spread
smoke crack all night, spend the day in bed.

(c) ms rigs 04/10/2014
 May 2021 Chaos Kidd
Dark Dream
I tried
I tried with you
I was a mess but I tried
I gave you a piece of me and
I tried to give you more
I tried to make it work
I tried for you
I tried for us
I tried
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