In desperate times
When the radio doesn't sing like it promises
And the jokes aren't funny
I climb into a box and wait
And after that wait I climb out
And I hear the radio sing the way it should
And the jokes are funny

Split from the root of an ivy
Your past flows through me too
Deep black ink sinking into me
from my brain
to my shoes

When words taste sick
And I can't seem to
Say the things
I want to
When air is thick
And I can't breathe
The way I'm
Supposed to
When yesterday was better
Tomorrow can't be worse
When I do what I'm told to
And things still twist and turn

Nature is incomprehensible to your sidewalk mind
Structures with no name are merely that to you
Wet ground is a fairytale to you
Not the sensation you feel taste and smell on a Sunday

Ginger ginger ginger tree
Upon the window seal you hang
Taunting me taunting me taunting me slow
Thank you for never letting go
I miss seeing you

She doesn’t know that she is the best parts
She doesn’t know what perfect means
A heart of gold and a red temper

What does it mean if he stares at me
My friends all say he must like what he sees
And father says he must find me intimidating
And I find the stares nauseating
Because
The
Last thing
That I want
is another man
I have to see
Become infantile and the
epitome of mediocrity
No Thank you
I have enough puddles of wax
On my hands

I
Can't
Find
My
Keys
She said so slowly
As she crumbled
Down the
Staircase
While
We stared
At her

In the night the tears wash ashore the salty skin
Lashes casting shadow on a lonely beach
I see you
High above I am
Held up by ***** like you
Does it still feel good to lie to me
A friendship based on my control
And the moonlight shines bright on this beach and the starlight is forevermore
But this delusion you carry isn't fair for me to keep
So I'm here lonely, combing the beach

Up and down
The streets of gold
Oh how you must feel
To know that you have gotten old
And made it to the honey fields
I see you've finally found your place
Which of course you've always known
And oh what a relief it was
to get away from home
You wave to us down here
Up in your silver throne
You invite me up
And I have to decline
I'm afraid the ladder just won't hold

Darlin’s arms are so hairy
Like the Sistine chapel in the 16th century
Darlin turned 16 on the 16th
But you wouldn’t know it by the way she’s been kissing anything over 18
And anything is a brick wall jumping
Doing nothing
Feeling something
While Darlin begins to learn numb
Dumb
And too young

On top of Panda Mountain
I saw the ocean grow
It rose above the trees
It melted all the snow
And oh to my surprise
A watermelon tree
With two pandas embracing it
Shaking like 2 leaves
And I don't know just what I saw
To be honest perfectly
And I don't know just was I saw to be perfect honestly

Is it better to be lonely or loyal
My heart put on trial
An audience watching
Knowing the ending
Crystallized moaning
So many offers
And I stuck with you
A burdensome bandaid on a 30 year wound
A cold empty empty in a cold empty room
And I stay here waiting as I apologize to you

I just want to tell you that I miss you and I think you're great and there's no one else I'd rather spend the entire night crying my eyes out over than you. But  I don't walk backwards as easily as you so I'll just stay where I am.

Love sometimes,
Me

Looked down on
You had to climb a ladder
A superficial evaluation
Nevertheless made me cry
My soul that’s yet had a chance to rest
But still it made me cry
I do not want to be good
My heart and mind always fight
I make myself be good
At least I try to try
It’s ******* days like this
When you tear down something I worked so hard to build
But at least the bricks made from clock ticks
Will go to good use

I know the greats don't use click bait or even know what that is. I drank my best friend. It left us both dry. Now I've been branded. It's my choice. You have a hold on my soul. I'll never tell you so. He thinks I'm a **** and you think I'm gold. I think I'm neither but what do I know

I spin
Into
Oblivion
Into
Situations
That I think I should
A blueprint
I created myself
From tvs and movies
All is lost if nothing else
I do everything

Getting older I find myself cursing less
Drinking less
Crying more
Sighing more
Groaning more
Watch how you speak to me mentality is what I carry with me my in pocket
Feels warm

Bobbing
In the dark
Ocean at night
Heavy weight
Eye shine
Bouncy wave
Nighttime

You pulled your boat to my Thunder
I took my storm to the sea
I have an ocean left to plunder
If you’ll lay down in front of me

It took me seven months without you
To see what we could’ve been
And if I’m around you much longer
I feel temptation giving in

It’s not the smile
Or brightened eyes
It’s not the hand
Between my thighs
With you I dream about a calm
With you I dream and dream is all

I held you close until you let go
And now I'm here, alone
Will you think about me down here?
No, no you won't
Away on your mountain top
Where nothing is ever as it seems
While I sit and rot
and you climb to the top
will you ever think of me?

I'm here now
And even my best is rotting
I buried myself to my neck
I buried myself vehemently
I watch you crawl
Away and away
Til only the sand you eat
shows on the edge of the world

flakes clanking into a window pane
Snow piling onto the window sill
Tears streaming down the sides of my face
Wondering if you want me still

Ring ring beep
Ring ring beep
No more ring

I'm the one you didn't care to name
You formed an attachment
You rigged a game
And watered a plant
Just enough to grow
It shrivels and reaches
Withing the sun's glow
So it should thank the window
Yes, the one you placed the plant in
Yes, thank you.
Narcissistic *****

Knife in my heart
Breathing hard
Easy to feel
Cold veins
You’ve changed
My fault
Slow play
They win
I’ve gained
Truth hurts
Toothache

Bricks on top of me
One by one
Click clack ting
My heart
Beat
Beat
…

Touch
The top
Of my hand
As I sliiide into you
And you collapse onto me
As I bounce into your chest
Your lips starting to embark on my neck
And When I feel the wetness of the wave
I know it’s time to embank
Receding again
The reflection on the sea
Reminding me
we can only be friends

I lay here
I'm sad
I hate you
You know I do
You know why
I'm lonely again
Just like you said I would be
You were right
What can I do
I suppose I'm just a ****
All those words dipped in honey meant nothing
I knew they didn't
I know they don't
But they tasted sweet on my dry lips
Sometimes I wish I could taste again
Just a little
But what good is that
I hate you
You know I do
I'm alone in a field of sound
It doesn't matter
There is no one I value
There is no one who values me
You were right
I'm bored and lonely again

I'm leaving Friday
Because
I can't sleep at night
I can't think straight
And I can't stop thinking
I'm leaving Friday
because
I can't keep fake laughing
I can't keep watching the same dance
And I don't owe you anything
I'm leaving Friday
Because
I'd rather serve in heaven than watch you reign in hell
My heart wants to leave
My mind says to stay and go and stay and go
Maybe I'll leave Monday instead

To the girl who stays up weeping,

   I hope you find some rest. I hope you wake up to the sun's warm rays and feel it's slight caress. I hope you don't remember a thing that made you cry the night before. Of course you will though. You always do. I know you'll stay up weeping, tomorrow night too. It would be strange if you didn't. No, you don't need pills. Well you do. But you don't. Don't. And when you wake up the next day- I hope you forget the night before-again. Even for a minute or two.

Does your spirit swim like mine?
In a sea of ecstasy
In a land of cliche
Does it dig it's way out of the sand
And reach back in when it sees you
Does your spirit ache with fright
And joy
And anger
Like mine.

Crinchy cratch crows
Crinchy cratch graw graw grows
Crinchy crinchy
Cratchy cratch
Cratch croo
Cratchy you

If I could see across the sunny ridge
I'd make sure you saw it too and I'd fall back down again
If the Earth could grab you with it's arms
I'd make it let you go even though you'd never know what had happened
I don't need you to pay me in your false gratuity
I know your smile is nothing and aching
You never disappoint me
You're the easiest one to read
And I hope that you can see it someday
Because your mirror shines to bright for you
And the winner isn't always you
And if I threw it all away
Maybe you would see but then you'd watch yourself cry
You're such a waste of time

I’m trying to not
Break the rules
But you call me
And act brand new
And I’m spinning
From left to right
And I’m trying to stop
But it just don’t feel right
There’s a deep dark hole
Where a special flower grows
Where women go by **
And men go by yo
And if you know you know
If you know you know

no you see it was totally not like that
you see you see you see
white girl answers clean and clear and crisp and full of syllables
Who is it you like?
i cant say
but you can tell me
ok but if i tell you you cant say
I won't say
ok
you see you see you see
its this one girl
it's not me?
well like you see you see you see

On a street
somewhere in nowhere
is where you were killed
when a no one kills someone in nowhere
it burns
when no ones are people with badges and guns
oh how I wish they would have used the guns
but no one is humane in nowhere
only tazers and kicks will do
then the heart stops and the blood pours
and then they decide they're  through
but someone is already brain dead and swollen and blue
and I can't stop crying at even the thought of you
and now you're underground and I can't see through
and now you're underground and there's nothing anyone can do

Looking at you
A puddle of bored
A restless of sad
A happyless shade of i wish I could
Still and calm
Pebbles inside
Piercing my heels

I feel you on high
I see you in tides
I want you forever
You kindly decline
I need you right here
You don't seem to care
I helped you to climb
The cliff helped me slide
I still think of you
Each day that we're through
You don't seem to know
Where all that I go
I need you so
You're
All I want
You're all my thoughts
You're all I am

You
Broke
The heart I gave to you
Shamelessly

I used to crave a cold hotel room
Martinis for just the olive
$200 shoes
I used to crave nighttime talks
Headache relief
And approval
Now I just crave you

This is
The beat
And you are the fire
They dance around you
And when they're gone
You engulf me
And you say
So confused
Why don't you dance around me

I remember when
You picked at your face
And I didn't realize
You were doing what I was feeling
And if I had known that it might help
I would have done it too
You and I are rare in this world created by you
We feel and think
But now you're gone
And I'm still here
Picking at my face
Like you used to do

I ate a box of cherries
Swallowed them
One by one
Dizzy with envy
I’m finished, we’re done

A loud quiet in the country
The same birds making the same sounds
The same wind chimes banging around
The wind almost always never calms down
Waiting to hear your car on the gravel
The least lonely of the sounds
A quiet loud in the city
The jets whistle
While the cars hum
And a dog barks in the distance but not too much
Never alone in a place full of so many strangers

I don’t know what to do
More than anything, I’d like to do you

Beat me
Like it's Christmas Eve
And my bra is showing
Beat me
Because I don't listen
Give me a black eye
for my charm bracelet
Beat me
Twist my hair
Twist my neck
Tell me I'm nothing
Until my bones break

The soul feels like an ocean
The heart a water drop
A mix of new emotions
Crash then break then stop
Only so much destruction
Before that becomes boring too
Rust turns into corrosion
Then back to nothing new

I don't get to **** up
And when I do
You don't see it
I fall in line
And you think what a weak coward
Lost in the cacophony of the insecure
Jaded and torn
And did you know I'm better than her
And you carry a badge with you that says
I'm one of you
******* and your coconut milk lattes
Pretentious over weight girl with abusive boyfriend

On the Southside
It's humid
Even in winter
It has its own air
It's own feel
On the Southside
everything is español
And when trash blows down the street it's illuminated and mystical
They shake your hand and look down your shirt
In the Southside the music is better and the food is cheaper but the nights are colder and feelings feel deeper
I feel like a ***** when I walk through
But I've never felt more at home