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I'm sorry I couldn't get to you
I'm sorry you had to take your own life
I'm sorry I didn't love you more
I'm sorry you felt you couldn't carry on
I'm sorry I didn't notice
I'm sorry you fell for me
Yeah just found out today a friend of mine killed herself.
Someday in the future, I want to see my best friend and I working side by side
I hope to have adventures, fall in love, make people happy

So why am I here again?
Instead of chasing those dreams
Trapped by thoughts I would disagree with
But am too apathetic to dispel

Imagine me trying to reassure someone
Well yes, I've been thinking of falling out windows, and am so emotionally cold that it would be possible, but don't worry. I don't actually want to. I've only been thinking about it.
Yes comforting, isn't it?

At least with other people, from what I've read, it makes sense
They say they feel soulless
Better off away from here than making the effort it will take to stay
But I'm not like that
I'm 100% positive I want to live
Certain in my love of the sun
Yet, here I am again

*If you just leaned back a little more, it wouldn't take very long to fall...
 Apr 2016 Gregory K Nelson
I told her marriage was an institution.
She went mental.
I consoled myself with shooting the tortoise.
It was for the best.
There was no way it would win the greyhound derby.
She was beyond reason.
I was bringing it out of its shell.
I sort of laughed uncontrollably.
She didn’t.
She actually was trying to bring it out of its shell.
I suggested mad passionate love.
She wanted chocolates.
How about a toffee crisp and a fumble.
How about you dropping dead.
Who would pick up your pills if I dropped dead.
I would pick up my own pills.
What, you don’t know what day of the week it was last Thursday.
I was in love last Thursday.
Not with me.
No, with the pet shop owner
You do know he’s married.
He was leaving her for me.
He’s married to a bloke.
They’re both leaving their wives for me.
Is this about the tortoise.
What tortoise.
Never mind, let's get married.
Just now.
Yes, we can get married in the chemist shop
Somehow that makes sense.
What about children.
You could get them at the supermarket.
Three for two.
They hide them behind the screens now.
No silly, the alcohol I think.
They don’t hide the chocolates.
Did you really shoot the tortoise.
Yes, but the bullet bounced off its shell.
That’s good.
Not really, the pet shop owner was holding it.
Our lips were close, yet never touching
the residue alone became quite addicting....
Let the rain wash away my insanity.
It won't be over until 2015 ends.
Because the future is now.
And I always keep calm, be forever and stay young and the restless.

Dedicated to myself.
 Nov 2015 Gregory K Nelson
Four hundred of us pour out
from the lights turned on,
girls in bare feet in the rain and the wind
to see Christmas lights on Grafton street.

Trinity’s beautiful, but not where the heart is,
the grass is muddy on college green
a cold breeze is whipping off the Liffey,
and everyone’s singing, low lie the fields.

The guards are milling, we’re trudging,
some holding hands or kissing –
bring me back to Stillorgan for ten euro?
*******! No come on sir, I’m freezing.

It’s grey, it’s wet and it’s cloudy.
I want Burdock’s or some dodgy chippy,
I want to hear the song of a boy from Ballymun
and live forever young in Dublin’s fair city.
 Nov 2015 Gregory K Nelson
Joy in the future

The struggles
Are yet to come

The hardest parts
Are yet to hit

There's joy in the future

In your arms
Or in my own

I   Am excited
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