I knew this kid that once lived down the block
All gangsta and **** with nothing but shots
Of ******, crack *******.
**** that gets you high when all you’re wanting is fame.
He grew up without his mama and his dad was basically dead.
He knew about god but knew nothing of what he said.
This kid he grew up at the age of thirteen.
And never knew the black and white blood that we all bleed.
He saw the coyotes of the mexican border
Shooting ******* crawling from the broken brick and mortar
All around he knew violence till he one day came clean,
Looked up at the sky and begged for something mean.
He cried out to the sky because he was lonely and scared
But only the devil responded because god was not there.
He soaked up all this pain and regret in a needle
Shot himself up and grabbed his desert eagle,
Shot up a few churches while the masses got done praying,
Put the gun to his head to blow out what was done decaying.

Eyes are bloodshot staring at the alcoholic LEDs,
It would be impossible to rip them off of
The angelic glaze slathered on the screen.
Tears streaming on a face fixed for a permanent smile.
Can’t scream, not s’pposed to.
The eyes are taking in sips of wood alcohol
Littered with food coloring to make it seem like bourbon.
They know it’s not,
The burns all the same.
Eyes sleepless and fried while the screen fries itself.
Maybe it's time to shut them

I am trying so hard
to not let you
let this
be a toxic relationship.

And that

Should not be my responsibility


I don't want to tug-of-war
over weather I should just
be your girlfriend
or if I should be your mother

You don't need another mother
You have the right to do what you want
when you want
Because you're an adult

But I can not let you
use me
As an excuse
to let yourself go

I can not let you
Let this relationship become toxic

I wish that I could
And I've honestly tried
But for me to just watch you ignore your priorities
in order to spend time with me
or goof off next to me
If I could do that
if I could just let you do that
That would mean I did not love you

Because for me
Love is complete care for the other person
love means I care about your mental health and your sleep schedule and your grades and your work
because love to me means
that every aspect of your health and well-being is my top priority

So as much as I want
to let you worry about yourself in your own time
I can't!

I can't talk to you at 11:30 p.m. when you have an essay due at midnight

I can't sit next to you while we study
if I know
you'll spend that whole time trying to get my attention

I can't let you sleep over
when I watch you play on your phone for the two hours we set aside for studying
and you have a test tomorrow

Because I can't love you
And not care for you...

If what you want
Is a relationship
that will distract you from all of your other priorities
You should be with someone else

You should not date me
I can not give that to you
I can not
And I will not
Be a part of a toxic relationship
Whether it is toxic to me or to you.

The kind of relationship I can have
is one where we help each other get through our day
and get through our tasks
and when the day is over
we can escape with each other
-to each other-
to our own little world

Our backs hold stories
Not even the spine
On a book can handle

to me,
you are
an art

                              to you,
                              I was
                              a tragedy

He sat next to her on the train
And everyday they would sit there.
He had earbuds in,
And she had a book in her lap.
Sometimes his music would go to loud,
And she would poke him to turn it down.
He would pull out his phone
And she would peek over the book
To stare at his nose.
She was falling in love.
Everyday at 6 am they would dance
With a poke or a glance,
Waltzing around to make the first step.
Her heart would drop when he stepped off the train.
And his would stop when she would never show up again.
She was ***** and murdered
The night before.
4 boys nothing more.
He didn't find out till he noticed the ad
Across from their seat.
On televised slicked glass.
"Local is murdered"
"***** and killed, friged and cast"
He blinked and it was gone,
Replaced with coke propaganda,
The same way her seat was replaced with silence.
He got off the train and went home that night.
Wondering what to do,
Maybe who to fight.
He got a few ropes and stool to sit down.
Pondered what he was doing.
Shook his head and frowned.
He pulled out his phone to check the next train.
And Booked his final ride,
to heaven or hell.