I am trying so hard
to not let you
let this
be a toxic relationship.

And that

Should not be my responsibility


I don't want to tug-of-war
over weather I should just
be your girlfriend
or if I should be your mother

You don't need another mother
You have the right to do what you want
when you want
Because you're an adult

But I can not let you
use me
As an excuse
to let yourself go

I can not let you
Let this relationship become toxic

I wish that I could
And I've honestly tried
But for me to just watch you ignore your priorities
in order to spend time with me
or goof off next to me
If I could do that
if I could just let you do that
That would mean I did not love you

Because for me
Love is complete care for the other person
love means I care about your mental health and your sleep schedule and your grades and your work
because love to me means
that every aspect of your health and well-being is my top priority

So as much as I want
to let you worry about yourself in your own time
I can't!

I can't talk to you at 11:30 p.m. when you have an essay due at midnight

I can't sit next to you while we study
if I know
you'll spend that whole time trying to get my attention

I can't let you sleep over
when I watch you play on your phone for the two hours we set aside for studying
and you have a test tomorrow

Because I can't love you
And not care for you...

If what you want
Is a relationship
that will distract you from all of your other priorities
You should be with someone else

You should not date me
I can not give that to you
I can not
And I will not
Be a part of a toxic relationship
Whether it is toxic to me or to you.

The kind of relationship I can have
is one where we help each other get through our day
and get through our tasks
and when the day is over
we can escape with each other
-to each other-
to our own little world