has gone from this demon
of hatred and depression
and has slowly become
an angel made up of
love and happiness.
Looking in a mirror is
no longer a fight to not notice
the flaws and imperfections
but more of a booming concert
celebrating them and noticing
the perfections.

makes me think of your lips
sweet like candy but
something hard behind it.
Watching the liquid pass my lips
make me think
of that morning
you kissed me good morning
and smiled.
The taste mulling in the back of my throat
is tangy like when you and I were at
Jack in the Box and
I knew I had to go home in an hour.
My buzz feels just like
your hands running up my body
and my lips on yours
and our bodies pressed together
as if we were one and your lips
is what kept me alive.

I'm on my third glass
and now it's like your lips
the first night.
Everything was new
and I was a Spaniard
and your body was a new continent.
As if making a map you were something I needed to explore
and I wouldn't stop till I did just that.
My buzz is stronger now
and I can't get comfortable
like the night after I came over at 10pm
and I couldn't sleep
you held me and kissed my head
you were the teddy bear that I
never had.
All I picture with my eyes closed
is your smile and those eyes
and your bone rattling laugh.

Half the bottle is gone
everything is a blur
like when you told me
"You're all I've ever wanted"
and I couldn't say it back.
Even when it was true.
I can't let go of your bracelet you gave me.
It makes me feel clingy
like you point out when I'm not so.
The wine is on my lips now
just like your taste
after you kiss me goodnight
and I spend ten minutes in a trance.

This wine is
candy and it's getting sour now
and it makes me wonder
if it was ever sweet at all.
My wine reminds me of you.

You
your emotions for me
what are they?
First you are mean
rude
angry
yelling
and by the time I ask
"Why?"
You are happy and tell me
I'm yours.

Kids
are mashing their heads
into walls
having a mid-life crisis
at 18.

Lately
the thought of you
makes me drink liquor
like a dehydrated man
to water.
You don't realize it
and I think you wouldn't care
because we don't talk
anymore.

I'm drunk and I just
want to let you know
my head hurts when I see you
because I like you
and I am scared
because I get intense
and clingy
and you don't like that.
So sitting next to you
makes my bones ache
and my muscles scream
like I just ran a marathon. 

When you're sad
which seems all the time now
it gets worse
because now
I want to hold you
rub your back
kiss your head
and tell you it'll be okay, 
but you won't believe me
and I don't wanna be clingy.
I know you like it when I'm not
but I like you
so I have to scream
in my head that I can't
that sitting next to you is fine
but not TOO close
can't text him all day
can't show him this poem
can't constantly kiss him
on the shoulder or cheek
can't make him think
I'm clingy.

My body aches 
head hurts
eyes sink in
pale red lips
cuts in my thighs like
Swiss cheese
and all I want
is to feel those lips
and hear your voice
and see that smile.
I want to text all day
and know you're okay.
Call you when I get 
off work
and hear about your day
and how you feel.
Hear that laugh
that makes my old bones
vibrate as if I'm at a concert.

I am a crazy
clingy boy
and you want someone
that can sit alone
in a house
in quiet
and not feel
a thousand hands
clawing at his skin
and voices screeching and
calling him names.
You want someone that
can fend for himself
but I can't do either
and
I don't wanna lose you.

I'm drunk on liquor
and the thought of you being
happy with me near you.