~for lovejunkie, who loved this poem best~

so many reasons,
so many stones
yet unturned,
for each poem
a season,
for every season,
a given reason

eyes, dimmer,
hearing, harder,
memories, ha,
disappear as fast as
footsteps upon
my island beach

this then
my log,
of places momentarily visited,
capturing the of,
of me,
the exactitude of
where, when and what
I felt

what felled me,
the long and lat,
of the attitudes
of breeze and currents,
the happenstance that carries
a desperate soul
eager and afraid
to remember

"how fragile we are"

so memorized records here,
for his storage and his places,
both filled and unfulfilled,

poems, nothing more,
flawed each,
product of a flawed man,
here, for all to see,
most of all,
for the man,
to see himself
when the eyes of his mind
at last be shuttered

dear god,
you were introduced to me as kind, forgiving, generous. whenever i made a mistake, i didn't feel the need to come apologize to you because i thought you'd know it was a mistake and forgive me. not once in my life have i gone out of my way to hurt anyone. any pain i may have caused anyone was unintentional. like the way i broke my sister's arm- i didn't mean it. we were playing. my parents may not have understood that, but i knew you would understand because you were always- you have always been- my best friend.
i am eighteen now and i've made more mistakes than i can count. these mistakes didn't hurt anyone but myself. i made bad decisions out of vulnerability, desire, fear. and i thought you'd understand. i stayed up a few nights explaining to you exactly what happened (you were there though, so i probably didn't even need to do that). i ******* up, i didn't mean to hurt anyone. i swear to god. i mean, i swear to you.
but recently i'm being told by everyone around me that i need to repent and beg for forgiveness. god, i don't understand. why would i say sorry to you for my mistake? you created me. you knew i was made to make mistakes. if you wanted me to be perfect, you would have made me so. but you didn't. i've always come to you in times of need, in times of confusion and pain. you have guided me, i have trusted you, you told my secrets to no one.
why now, must i beg for forgiveness? you know me better than i know myself. you know i have always sacrificed myself for those i love, i never wanted anyone to hurt.
i am lying here with a broken heart and a the words are twisting in throat. my stomach is on fire and every breath is a struggle. i am thankful that i do not need to speak for you to hear me. god, tell me this, why must i beg for forgiveness when i know that you have forgiven me? i know you have forgiven me for being human. you made me human in the first place.
other humans will not forgive me.
you will. you always have.

please help me understand.
regards,
your human.