You don't have the right to build your own self-esteem. All you can really do is rely on those around you. That's why their opinions matter so much, and that's why you're so desperate to appease them. Then, you'll realize that they'd simply disregard your work--all because it came from you. Have someone else present it to them with the illusion of another author's name, and they might even praise it. Act as if only your self-perception matters, but really--the most important is the view of others. If that wasn't true, then people wouldn't be killing themselves. That's how the world works, and that's the mechanism you have to work with.
It's nothing difficult. It's just personal.
You, specifically, are a horrible human being. Live with that knowledge, and soon you'll stop being human.
You'd be a tiny speck of dust in an ever changing planet of specials. Yet no matter how hard you hope, you will never be as special as the others. You'd just be someone so extraordinarily ordinary--because that's who you are and who you ever will be.
It annoys you. It makes you mad. It makes you feel negative, yet all that really is is internalized jealousy. Act as if you're a good person, and soon you'll lose your freedom of speech. Build a persona, and soon that'll be your downfall. Cliche. Obvious. It's predictable and overdone, yet no one ever really stops doing it. You need to keep smiling in order to seem more approachable. You need to be friendly to make friends. That's not true. **** will be attracted to ****. The pathetic will cling to coat tails and so-called friends that are easy to manipulate. It's disgusting, but it's a decent way of living.
13