I suppose I have an apology
To the loved one whom I didn’t know,
The soft anchor that I couldn’t let go.

I will hold your hand, even as I drown
In an ocean, all alone.

so tired,
so torn;

lost, malformed;

one day more,
too many gone;

stolen, silent.

Writhing in this reality, we cry, retching
From fumes that pervade society;
The clear skies that had been, mutating
Into an inferno that bleeds tragedy
As we lay in a sinking world of deceit.

In a dream, I awoke to a scene so serene;
All the people I knew, they were by me,
Gathered by a collective unity, no anger to be seen.
I had not noticed those faces so damaged, fractured by apathy.

I was struck by a morbid realisation as I saw the bridge below,
And the downcast eyes that were looking at a place I could see too.
As though paralyzed, I saw all the ones I knew get washed to and fro
Before I too could say the final words: “I do”.

The wind embraced me, I felt as though it was eight years ago -
As though everything I came to be was released suddenly.
But in that time when uncertainty was to die, the dream let go
And in its wake, I am claimed by feelings of a certain serenity.

All I wanted was to be released, to be myself once more,
So in that vein, I shall smile in those final moments before.

i'm just so tired;
tired of being,
so tired of seeing colour
i cannot reach.

leave this being be;
full of dead things,
it ceases to be me
so let it expire slowly.

i'm glad of all i could see,
of all the colour that flew by me
but it has all but gone to grey.
now, let this child inside sleep.

I want to rend this mind from within, cut it free
And leave it to expire with an ounce of clarity.

I want no skin left pure, I want it ripped until raw
If it would only cancel this human mistake that I abhor.

I want resentment to reside, to agitate these thoughts
As they race towards a destination that, for so long, I had fought.

Sinking in a stifling room, sunken eyes
Staring at sights that were never seen,
I torture this being that was once me.

With tarnished skin taunting, innocence
Inflamed, I lose myself to that madness
And in this demise, I dwell, desperately.

No more energy can I embrace, no more
Can people force forgiveness on my failings -
In this worthless state, so weak, I plead that the breath begone.