I couldn't quite put my finger on it
Suspicion tarnished the tongue
Turning what was sweet into something bitter
Unease washes out at the edges, threatening to burst
Waves disturb the calm oceans that once settled
Your lies poison the water
Blue pools in your eyes turn black
False lyrics now fall on deaf ears
The door you opened has closed
Your words that once brought purpose to life
Are dead to me

Like the needle that drives through my heart, you glisten in the sun.
You sparkle and shine like a jewel in the light.
I see myself in the mirrored image.
A reflection so small and insignificant I am lost under your thumb.
This needle becomes encased deeper into my heart.
I cannot retract it because the thread has been lost.
Spindled into a web of unfortunate lies.
Powerful sentences that hold no authority.
If you hug me this needle causes me pain.
So why do I still yearn for your touch.
Like drugs.
I am dying from the addiction.
Being crippled by the want.

So crush me like a flower under foot.

Close me like a finished book.

End me like a summer spent.

Lose me like time that came and went.

I want someone to pull me in and figure me out.

I curse the fear that pulls me back in when something of a dream blurs into real life. Scared of daring to believe this could be my reality. Outlook blurred by comfortable distrust. Disbelieve, you can't want me? Too good to be true. My heart mirrored in your heart this reflection must be false. A drawn out ache pulls down on my heart. Heavy premature disappointment. Inevitable rejection. I can't compare and I won't, can't be saved by you. No more than the awakening you offered me. Resting back into restless routine. Eyes wide shut during the day time. Only living at night in my dreams.

If ever you find yourself doubting your existence,
remember that there's a reason you are alive.

Lavenders are not always in bloom,
but when they are
they become beautifully alive.
And everyone is in awe of its splendor.
Not even a king's robe can compare.

Sometimes pruning is necessary for growth.
Sometimes healing comes through rain.
Sometimes a year of drought makes you realize
how much you wanted to be alive,
and you start praying for rain.

You're almost there.
Like a lavender,
exude a strong scent
reminding everyone your time to bloom has come.

I grip so tight
My knuckles are white
Holding on for my relentless life
Clutching at patience that leaves me so fast
Stomach turning windmills
Starved of you
Hungry for your lyrics
My lungs strain
Pulling in breath but not enough to fill me
Drowning in the
Slow,
Ebbing  
Waves of time
I can't stop thinking about you
Scrolling through songs
Trying to drown out your silence, that fills every space
I cannot sleep
So restless I need your words
Medicine
To send me off
If I dream,
Will you meet me there?