I've searched for the meaning of life,
oh darling, have I searched.
Years have passed as I've tried
every method I could find,
little
things and large gestures of
madness meant to bring about
some iota of worth. Ah, darling, I
did
everything I thought could sponsor
happiness. I searched for significance
in the bottoms of bottles, though all
I
ever found there was yet more
emptiness. That didn't keep me from
trying over and again. I wanted to
know
that my life was important, but
felt ever more worthless the more
I searched. Every approach
I'd
attempted brought me ever closer
to nothingness. In searching for
the true essence of life instead I'd
find
inconsequence, meaninglessness.
Oh, but I tried, darling. I sought
out every drug I could, trying
to free my mind from itself. But
it
never succeeded. No matter how
many formulated chemicals
slid down my throat or up my nose,
I only became momentarily numb.
None brought any true peace to
my life, took me even a bit closer
in
my quest for value. Determined,
I decided I would cut the meaning
out, bleed it from myself. Digging
deep within my veins brought me
a
convenient comfort, but even that
was short-lived. Oh darling, did
I tire of searching. You see, I
had given up my crusade until
that moment, darling, I saw you
smile.
5.7.14