I am indecisive
Also insecure
Tentative
Too tender
Why?
Not sure
Alive in birthing of a new dawn
Voice of comfort I can no longer depend upon
I tremble in your presence like a motor purring
The night's stillness within evokes stirring
Ripple leaves with a single breath
I contemplate my inevitable death
Am awash in flood of bitter loneliness
Crave a connection but receive no caress
Like wilderness mind is hard to navigate
Like music memory where I go to escape
Like pulsing rivers thoughts rapidly flow
My veins flooded as they roam to and fro
Like wind's whistle heartbeat won't stop
Edges of words poke lungs till they pop
Sing sorrows in a pleasant melody
Grim lyrics harmonize in major key
Your fingertips left invisible prints on skin
Constant reminder that you always win
And though agony is difficult to take
Will bend but refuse to fully break

You're everything that is bad for me
Would resist if I could
Toxicity is easy to see
You make me feel so good

Not immune to exceptional charm
Infected
Love's disease
Knees wobble
Stomach churns
Like it's a stormy sea

Supposed to be secure
Why am I anything but?
Long to sever ties
Too strong to be cut

To and fro memories scamper
Throwing past in my face
Ten thousand pieces of happiness
I am unable to replace

I've seen the darker side of you
Yet also witnessed your best
There's no one else I'd rather cuddle
Or make me feel distressed

Want the heavenly highs
Without proportionate pain
That's just not how it works
Can't have rainbows without rain

Woke up with headache
How day usually starts
The pain within my cranium
Does not compare to my heart

As tide creeps slowly in
Hope slyly sneaks out
The list of things I'm not
All I seem to think about

My voice dropped an octave
Sound I've grown to hate
It's just another line
In list of unattractive traits

I might be an artist
Good with words I am told
The descriptions I paint aren't pretty
Because world has made me cold

Life getting exhausting
Fed up with each breath
Have no choice but to carry on
Only cowards escape through death

Faces wearing smiles pass
Deepening my frown
Others make it look easy
Depression keeps me down

Darkness spreading as disease
Throughout expanse of my soul
My body feels like it's swallowed
By bottomless black hole

Turning corner after corner
Never reaching the maze's end
I get more and more lost
In labyrinth with every bend

Not sure if poor judgement to blame
Or the culprit is destiny
Either way stuck as a prisoner
Of everything I will never be