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When I was a child,
I was taught poetry wasn't mild,
It was deep as the sea,
And it seemed truly unachievable for me.
I was taught poetry had to rhyme,
Every single line, every single time.
So poetry seemed out of my reach,
Like chasing a seagull down a beach,
Jumping ever so slightly away,
Or soaring into the sunny day.

So I never thrived for what I thought would,
No, Could
Never be.

I guess now I'm fixing the mistakes of past me.
I'm not stable enough for love
I'm not kind enough for love
I'm not worthy enough for love
I'm not ready for love
Lord please save me
I don't feel human
I don't have strength
I don't belong
I don't want to live
I'm nothing but depressed
A lost case
A piece of work
A damaged ex
Will I ever turn my life around?
And see the world differently?
Like it's meant to be
Like I have a destiny
Like anyone wants me
To be here
sometimes i remember
that i’m in my twenties
and it feels like i’m almost
running out of time
even when people
tell me there’s plenty
and it’s tiring
being in a world
that only goes in fast forward

so most of the time
i’m lying down here
wishing I was a weeping willow
hanging over a swan pond
and be at peace
Indentured as servants,
and not as our masters

Words are conscripted
—their meanings enslaved

(Dreamsleep: October, 2020)
Hello morning sun
Lighting up my room
Thought I left
The light on
Don't need a light
Switch
You know just
When.to
Turn.off and on
Sun burst through my room this morning and woke me up thats a glorious feeling
I grieve
Lighters
More than I grieve
People
And there have been many
For whom
I could have...
Whenever I ask someone,
Tienes fuego?
The smallest of connections
Shared for a brief second
I'm grateful
But that's not to say
It's transactional
Just that
I have never felt
This way
Before I met you...
Years since acquaintances,
Months since 'You and I',
Fortnights since 'We',
Weeks since  "I love you's"
Days since separation,
Hours since your 'Goodbye',
Minutes since tears,

Not even a second since you.
The day betrays again,
Pallor crawls over my entirety
Mirrors are no longer the truth
Ashen grey swallows the only moon

My blood rejoices
My tainted, traitorous blood!
Your blood.
Cascading through my veins

Fated to this murk,
Shackled to your presence
Fading into a daze, slowly,
As frost singes this dread

No!
This will not be my ruin,
I will decide my own doom
This curse shall be undone!

O Count De Ville
My dagger shall impale your heart!


-Mina Harker
For the BLT and Thomas W Case challenge
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3925302/not-a-poem-a-new-challenge/

Mina Harker, female protagonist of the novel- Dracula, along with her friends plots against Dracula. Knowing their plans, Dracula bites Mina three times and also makes her drink his blood as a revenge giving him access to her thoughts and ensuring her fate as a vampire should she die,  due to which she switches back and forth between consciousness and a trance-like state. Van Helsing, Dracula's arch-nemesis, uses this link to his advantage by hypnotizing Mina to find and destroy Dracula.
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