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Shanti Starks Nov 2020
I feel so many eyes
Pressing against my skin
Peering at my surface
But I've never felt anyone's eyes
Look within
Shanti Starks Nov 2020
Can I ask you a question?
If I answer yes to yours,
Will I have a family,
Be part of something more?
Will I finally be accepted?
Cared about?
I know the emptiness.
But, I lied to you love.
I always feel less empty
When I'm around you.
Even if you don't around me.
And that's okay.
You are the love of my life
Even if I'm not yours.
But, let me ask you a question.
Is there a chance?
Will there ever be?
Will you understand the reason I'm like this?
Accept me as me?
Will things change?
And will we know each other, in twenty years?
Not worth dwelling on what came before,
But now I wonder
If you want me there as a friend
Or as something else.
Either way, I'll say yes.
But you need to return my calls...
Not much of a poem, but I needed the catharsis.. I'll probably really polish it up after I process my gross emotions.
Shanti Starks Oct 2020
My heartbeat
Does it matter more
Than my experience?
My mind?
My soul?
When you say
I shouldn't have a choice
Because of one beat
Of a heart
You are saying
I do not matter
That my body is just here
For a heartbeat
And that the rest of me
Should be

You say,
I should get my tubes tied
Or make them wear protection
Or be on birth control
That if I can't take responsibility,
I should be forced to be sterilized
Like a rat in an experiment gone wrong

******* ****.
Shanti Starks Oct 2020
He, who thought-
...and thought wrong...
-that he owned my body
Once looked at me with fear in his eyes,
because he finally saw me...
He said, "I never realized that you were
CRAZIER than me,"
I only laughed,
Smiled a shy smile,
13 is a lucky number-
I was still just a child,
I didn't flinch
As the knife went
Shanti Starks Oct 2020
You were supposed to be nothing to me.
Why did you become my everything?
You don't owe me anything.
Why do I feel like you hurt me?
Shanti Starks Oct 2020
You said god is weakness
Don't gather your strength
From poison waters
Do not drink
I still carry your weight
Across the rising tide
I will wade
Until one of us dies
Don't confide in me, no
I won't do the same
The power of paranoia
Don't underestimate

You asked me on the riverbank
If through the cold, I could feel something
No, I am numb
You said you liked me better this way
You needed to know I felt all of your pressure
No, I am numb
I am become
The destroyer of worlds
Shanti Starks Oct 2020
Full of the world, say more than her
Speak quiet conviction, whisper powerful truths
Soft shoulders
Have no chips, but keep anvils from falling on her feet
Strong arms
Carry her burdens farther than most would dare
Courageous soul
Burns faster than wildfire, but never burns out

And I wish
So deeply
That I meant more to her

That the night we spent together was because she wanted me,
And not him..
And I wonder
What would it have been,
If I hadn't fallen for both of them?
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