the dark chimney howls
with lonely winds invading
robbing innocence

i hear sadness now
listening to flames crackle
incinerating

this winter evening
it is so **** depressing
i'm disappearing

with bright amber sparks
incapsulating black death
in recurring tears

this depression
grips me like the rope thats soon to **** me
it's visible in my blank ****** expression
nothing is going to cure me
no one with a title, forget your medical profession
I believe its passed down genetically, chronological succession
but I don’t have my elders' strength, I’m choosing secession
leaving this place
but don’t call it regression,
because I own sole possession
of the knowledge that this life never gets better,
now do you understand? reading comprehension?
I became a master at hiding these feelings, skillful repression
and no I was never happy, there's my confession
how's that for a first impression?
in a world filled with prejudicial oppression and money hungry obsession
we’re G-d's material possession
unfortunately all the others will look on, intentional indiscretion
so yes, blame yourself, and discuss all the things you could've changed at my funeral *procession

leaping cliff to earth
the woeful job of pavement
catching troubled souls

Resting in an icicle hammock
Between the only two trees on a tundra of thick tears
The world remain an uncolored book
Neutral sheets of parchment paper, it usually looks
Yet, visible remains the vermillion that dribbles from my dry nose
The only shade around, which resembles petals of rose
Tissues soak up ruby rain that drips and drips
Streams of scarlet sorrows and crestfallen crimson collect as they cascade in the crevice of lust lips
The warmth of it all still cannot melt the frozen bars of this cell
But I must enjoy the only tint that reveals itself
Even if it's lava tone resembles the terrain of desolate Mars or the sinful flames of hell
Soon these cherry rivers will make way for a new pigment
A hue I will soon be wrapped in
When too much of this spills, and strings of a flowing red licorice yield to simple black
~~~~~~~~~~~
*And in a faint yelp, he knew there was no turning back

one day
the sun will burst into a spectacular supernova
or armies of asteroids will rain down in hellfire on the earth
maybe humans will end their own existence in catastrophic war
regardless, no matter the outcome
for a brief moment there will be someone on Earth
who is the last one left breathing
literally the loneliest person on the planet
and as I write this I look out at green grass coupled with a blue sky
there are no signs of any type of apocalypse on this spring evening
but I feel like I'm that man
each and every day
along with so many others

all was silent as they sat,
taking in the ocean as it flowed like quill with ink.
each stroke so masterful, yet so dark,
so deep.
the open water stretched for miles to come,
"but, what do we do now?" she says
"we enjoy it.
until it's done."
and the bomb fire rained over head,
war taking souls with each stroke of death, all so dark,
so deep.

unforgiving gusts of wind work to weather canyon walls
fractured crusts off orange earth plummeting towards an unknown surface
an area so hollowed out and void
empty, where echoes ricochet off rock and reach clouds above
noises that capture the melancholy tones of lost wanderers
who cannot seem to climb towards their cries
torrential rain weighing down baggy clothes
causing already slumped shoulders to appear level with the dirt
soaked denim that makes every step more difficult than the last

exhausted, he feels like collapsing
so he brushes the dusted ground beneath his trembling knees
and sits down to cry
where unforgiving gusts of wind scoop his tears
carrying them towards clouds above
which fill until they can no longer hold
and the torrential rain continues to fall

the numb can't fall in love with another
only with the thought of being in it
they'll convince themselves they're thawed
until depression outruns denial
when they grow angry at themselves for being unable to feel
then they'll return with slumped shoulders to their cavern of ice
where their tears freeze along with their hope
to wait until they can lie to themselves again
taking one foot out into the sun
and leaving the other in the snow

feeling claustrophobic in isolation,
and like the lone survivor in crowds,
you can't sleep naturally at night,
you need medication to drown out your thoughts that bring sorrowful sounds.

in your ears ring those melodies of realism,
that sing solely of failure and defeat,
these songs written with melancholy chords,
that only seem to loop and repeat.

the process so dehumanizing,
you can't progress through the morbid cycle anymore,
so you press a barrel to the roof of your mouth, as stress neatly lines up and files out the door.

cold metal had never tasted so sweet,
and in these final moments, part of your cement core splits,
rainwater finally leaks in and your thirst is quenched as it fills your lonely heart, the desolate desert ditch.
feeling something real for the first time since who knows when,
only at this time, the moment of your end.

however, in your death your depression becomes recycled,
and now the numbing blanket will be passed to another,
until the day someone strong enough possesses it,
so it can be burned above amber flames, resting in ash along with its true color,
*black.

I live in a place where the sky never gets very dark at night.
The city lights illuminate,
And they contrast with the deep black,
Creating the faint purple hue I always see before I sleep.
And I think to myself,
You and me, we made the color purple.
I, the mysterious, but misunderstood night.
And you, lighting me up with your joy, passion, and wit.
A bulb so full it could protect the dark from itself for eternity.
You embraced the dark,
And turned it into something far more than the shades of charcoal, ash, and ink.
But now the city light is gone,
And the sky is dim enough to see the stars that are my memories of you.
Constellations bursting from the frame of night,
Aligning to form the *** we made our favorite mac n cheese in,
And the obnoxious belt you bought me for my birthday that I still wear.
They stretch across the canvas of sheet-black,
And I think to myself,
Can the others see them too?
The stars for what they really are?
Because when the sky becomes black again,
All the stars are visible,
And I recall why I first cherished them.

I can write well again,
Because I can feel it again.
It's been an awkward few months away from you,
I wasn't sure how to act when you were gone,
I interrupted our relationship with a psychologist and something called a positive outlook.
But now that I'm back looking up at the light rather down at the darkness,
I can tell you its a much quicker fall down than it is the long climb back up.
Welcome back depression.

I awake,
I ponder,
Sunny days,
No longer

No escape,
From fires,
Only ways,
To temporarily feel higher

I recall,
These moments,
Where I fall,
Back down to Earth

I exclaim,
My depression,
No will,
To live, but die

I fall asleep,
I listen,
Starry skies,
They sing to me

They say,
To stay asleep,
Don’t awake,
Just begin to dream

No stress,
Just colors,
Happy sounds,
Clear waters

I’m alive,
My eyes closed.

She was born 7 pounds 7 ounces
So clean and beautiful
Untouched from the dirt of the earth and the corruption of society
The stars shined so brightly for this one
Riveting mountain hills and green valleys beamed when they heard the news
The ocean's tides grew momentous and spilled over the beaches in joy
Nature had gained another unstained soul
The sun selfishly, but necessarily, tried to shield this one from the elements of others
The pain and the suffering
The sadness and the melancholy
The sun couldn’t see another one of earth’s babies grow up to become lifeless
For the sun would not allow the moon to take another
Another baby that belonged to the moon’s dangerous night sky
The moon reeled in these children with the promise of a sky painted with glimmering stars that could spell out your name
And brighter lights that shined adjacent to tall buildings in a buzzing city
But this was merely the moon’s treacherous trick
And the rain was in on it as well
For once the moon gained a follower
The rain would join in
Buckets of liquid depression would pour and pour from gray skies as they broke through the clouds that couldn't hold the weight of sadness anymore
Then these children would sleep while the sun bared its face and heat
And become insomniacs when the moon would reveal itself
This way, they’d be forced to look into its lonely face all night
And realize themselves how forlorn they were as well
So now they crave the color of night forever
They wish to see the color black eternally
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was born 7 pounds 7 ounces
And was retuned back to the Earth within 17 years
The knotted roots that brought her down thanked the moon

*It was so cloudy that day
The sun was nowhere to be found

You bow at the feet of an invisible crown
That you place atop the head of an underserving king

Who sit in a makeshift throne constructed by your misled lips
Inside concrete castle walls sculpted by your misguided praise

Shielding his spoiled name with emeralds and rubies
False gems and jewels

He treat you like jester
Your only purpose to play his tune

Where you see god
We see less than man

For he who cannot recognize a queen
Shall not reap the benefits of your royalty
And for he who cannot build you of a castle of your own
Shall not deserve your majesty

my brush touches on canvas
with each whipping flick, a new stroke around the curvature of your smile
i paint in shades of black, white, and gray
yet nothing gives off more color than the radiance of your joy

and nothing makes me prouder to be alive
than the moment I've made you split the creases of your cherry blossom lips
and reveal teeth as white as the clouds where you must originally be from

high up above this area of space plagued by the formulaic symmetry between conformists
those who greet the sun in the morning with the intention just to get by
no my love, you wake each sunrise with a far greater purpose
and i wake to share a piece of it with you
so we can smile together
and feel high enough to be perched on a crescent moon
as I hold you close, and point out the brilliant star you descended from

I've grown blind to sensation
and deaf to the hums of my walk
its all the same yet again
one great big pile of gray sloshy snow
suspended under an equally flavorless sky
whose clouds pour drips of cool touch onto me
and as they land and stream along the contours and creases of my face
they soak up with my hurt
and that feeling is the only thing that keeps me thinking im still here,
still alive
so please sky, let it rain
let it shower away all of my pain
let it pump my blood to sizzle against the icicles that hang beneath the gutters of my veins
to melt away the current solid stream of red
so i can defrost back into my old self
as steam rises from my now beating heart
revealing gears that rotate freely again once their bolts are no longer consumed in deep frost
the color rushes back into my skin
and the flushed pale face suddenly evolves into crimson cheeks which hold an obnoxiously wide smile
with a voice that speaks loud like a lion with purpose
and sings harmonious with the songs of my youth
...
the day i am resurrected
is the day i will love you like i intend
so tell me, please reveal your secret
where can I melt?

your soul rested on mine like first frost
join me in this blissful sin
it must be crime for me to hold an actual grin
lay in this icicle hammock above frigid clouds
your soul phosphorescent
shining through my hollow cove like the brightness of first snowfall
who knew winter could be so lonely
the sun is right there but it does not warm me
it echoes my call for you but refuses to respond
the stars only hum your name
reminding me that with the spring our love has melted like the snow
but new flowers will not bud, although everyone has promised that with time they will grow
you are my only flower
even when you are shrouded in ice
i love your cold touch
it ripples through my body
illuminating cozy christmas light