Being sober became lonely he realized drinking was the way he bonded with his friends. Without it they had no way to relate or connect. He realized they'd bad mouth others he'd wonder if he did the same when they were with other people.
He use to like listening to others problems maybe he can learn and grow. But he got tired of providing advice or saying what he would do just to be ignored. He helped them by being a friend while they talked bad but he never shared or told their secrets.
He didn't like when they'd cheat or expect him to cover by saying they were with him. He didn't like to cover or lie when it was none of his business in the first place.

He laid down staring at the wall praying for answers hoping to provide solutions tired of all the problems. He thinks what's next how can he use his writing to be able to move onto the next level.
He always wanted to do his best give his all when hes not sure. How it would all go down.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

Clouded vision by these things that haunt me,
Still waking up from yesterday’s fog
While stressing over tomorrows possibilities.

Things will be different,

  Once I change.

"The worst battle is between what you know, and what you feel"

Once, I broke through,
into a world view
of stranger colors
and proportions;

A place
where a cold
winterhold
held up
with bright
white
blinding lights
searing
and impeding
occasionally blocked
what I was seeing.

Where yellow banners,
and other
strange standards
stand *****
then collapse
losing their
regal effect.

Where parades of green
shades shimmering,
sway to
their own
rhythm,
the art of
growing
and living.

Where purple flecks,
blue floating
bits of paper
dance and waver
in the wind.

I embrace
this strange place,
but in the end
will go out the same
way I came in.

If you say
you are suffering
I would not
say you are lying,
so why do you
decry the truth
when other
mothers are crying.

How does authority
automatically
equal honesty
when we see
historically,
they are the
perpetrators
of brutality?

The finality
of financial
inequality
is the devastation
of our entire nation,
so why do you
look at the others who
are struggling
like you do
and think
that they
are the enemy,
when it is
the big businesses
that corrupts
our democracy?

They’ve got the bombs,
tanks, and police.
They run the streets
from walls to all the cities.
They cut the checks,
and makes the rules,
so you let them
play you for fools,
as they demonize
other colored guys
with all their
greedy lies.

But a rainbow
of variation
is beautiful thing
to strive for.
It would help us
adapt, survive
and thrive more.

Isn’t that something
worth living
or dying for?