They call it BPD
A illness that shapes me,
Its the “I don’t fit in” disorder,
The “Your the one who’s out of order.”
Come to terms I now admit,
How hard I felt each near hit.
Always one with the conflict,
feelings of A counterfeit.
There turns A time of no cease,
absence of light is unleashed,
out of the blue from the inside,
this empty form and crowded mind.
A Diagnosis is in ..
The cerebrums burnt,
like third degree skin,
Its now over sensitive to everything.

The cause of the burns,
Is internal fires,
that incinerated mental wires.
Did I change who I am,
for A world i saw to be A sham,
attempting to form A personality,
Ill try them on to see what fits me.

Not afraid to be on my own
yet again, not all alone.
To see the great in everyone
until reminded that Im wrong.
If everything is all black and white,
Right or wrong,
where do I look too belong,
My solitary single handed fight,
To search for release of this plight.

Parents Evening;
At the tender age of two,
What will they tell me,
about you?
From the beginning,
You sat there - legs swinging.
Posture slouched,
Lips placed in pout.
You looked at me,
With A smile so sweet.
Then glanced across,
Towards the empty seat.
You fidgeted you fiddled,
You picked and you nibbled.
Your teacher entered,
And she read,
Your report that clearly said -
Ava is A lovely girl,
Who speaks so well!
When in defence,
She can raise hell.
So kind to her friends, and shares a treat!
She rather has a stubborn streak.
To summarise, without much time,
Your daughter is doing perfectly fine!
I looked towards my little girl,
Our thoughts linked, our eyes synced,
So we could swap our secret smile,
For she truly is - Me as A child.

To truly listen, you must care.
Be present, and self aware.
Do your contract at the start,
Too ensure, you’ve done your part.
Empathises through their eyes,
Connect the dots and be wise.
Person centred is the key,
To showing true empathy.  
Communicate your limitations,
Boundaries and qualifications.
Ethics are what you need,
To value A human being.
Remain honest, and act true,
Be accountable, for all you do.
Act with nonmaleficence,
to show beneficence.
Ask open question, to aid progression.
I must critique we are all unique.
Let’s not forget about respect,
To have candour and protect,
Confidentiality - must be kept.
Be clear and transparent,
Paraphrase the apparent.
Focus on emotion, self governing and devotion.
Have congruence within your self,
Too ensure good mental health.

Have you ever fallen from no height,
Heard the angels lie,
Broke at babies eyes.

Risen like the sun,
Settled like A storm,
Had skin burnt by the moon,
Stayed awake dusk till dawn.

Then you must find the middle path,
The enlighted way that will last.
Find the balance of your mind,
Worry not of your time.
We must share what we know,
Then A peaceful future we could grow.

Listen learn then go onto teach,
Your mind has no limit of its reach.
Leave behind any extremes,
Moderate all of your needs.
Act upon love,
Speak for tranquility,
To fulfill your true capabilities.
Think of yourself and think of others,
To finally unfold all of life’s covers.

Until then we must witness our own down fall,
Pledge and join him when the changes call.

I am a beast,
I am a begger,
Asif heaven and hell came together.
I am smooth,
I am sharp,
Pieced together, from different parts.
I am sincere,
I am a lier,
Ask a question, do not enquire.
I am weak,
I am strong,
When all is right, i am wrong.
I am justice,
I am corrupt
May this jinx, bring me luck.
I am absent,
I am immersed,
May this blessing be my curse.
I’m over here,
and now I’m there.
I love you dearly,
I do not care.

As we toss and we turn,
Our conscious adjourns.
Thoughts start to disfigure,
When closed eyelids flicker.
Memories of time gone distort,
Visions of future form and contort.
Within the mind we easily create,
Wondrous love and passionate hate.
We’re free to judge all we have been,
Even the parts that we hide, the deleted scenes.
Too enlighten our deep seeded sorrow,
Or darken our ever awaiting tomorrow.
Spoken in tenses past and present,
It may be nonsense or possibly relevant.
When we spin ourselves tall tales to fantasise,
Time as we know it so easily passes by.
When torturing ourselves with merciless power,  
Every minute feels like an hour.

My father use too say to me,
“Engage your brain before you speak.”
I guess to give myself more time,
Too convey, what’s on my mind.
So now I think before I talk,
“You should not run before you walk.”

I rest upon A grassy mound,
My mind spectates whats around.
Its A beautiful day,
I hope it won’t rain.
The skies are clear,
No birds too near.
I appoint my detector,
To search for the nectar.
I fly too A flower,
Hear it cry,
“Why choose me, oh butterfly.”

This race war has me confused,
Their opinions are outdated views.
If you posses A endoskeleton,
I can assure you, this is relevant -
Racism formed by past hierarchy ?
Forgive those who caused this anarchy.
Racism based on prejudice, fear, presumption?
Forgive the ignorant for their assumption.
We are no more than particles and atoms,
shaped by our historical pattern.
In two thousand and nineteen,
people still can’t see,
that I’m like you and your like me.

I am transparent,
Can you see,
Whats black and white,
Is grey to me.
If ups were downs,
Then I’d be crowned.
Back to front,
and inside out,
Im going over,
A roundabout.
When right turns wrong,
And left goes right,
Hide at the back,
in plain sight.
Two steps forward,
three steps back,
F*ck I’ve gone and lost track.

Your hurt hurts me
to stay
Yet I can't move
from you
We must lean
this way
Or together fall
on through
Memories are
but pain,
Its where I visit
you,
I was the cause of
blame,
I was the one
To loose.

Wait for me in twenty thirty three,
Where we first arranged to meet.
When the children are grown,
Our seeds set and sown.
Again we could be,
You and me,
Together,
Free.

Sing to me what you wish and curse,
in a choir or solo verse.
Scribble down A poem or rhyme,
i’ll give it all of my time.
Sculpt and carve me your heart,
with all its many complex parts.
Paint me all that you dream,
the simple or thee extreme.
Draw me things of what you fear,
or what you hold close and dear.
Speak openly about your thoughts,
all that you seek and all you sought.
Suggest it in A metaphor,
so I can envision what you saw.
Act it out in A scripted story,
so I can marvel at what’s before me.
Write it like A biography,
so I may behold your odyssey.
Free hand me how it is you feel,
so I can see something that’s real.
Be yourself come as you were,
that’s the you that I prefer.

If I were A pessimist,
I’d look at life, and hiss and spit.
If I were A optimist,
I’d look at life, and think what bliss.
Yet I am A realist,
So life to me is hit and miss.

“Can I borrow some of your time?”

- “How can you borrow what isn’t mine?”

It’s A strange concept I have found,
As two hands rotate, right around.
They gave you A face -
Where numbers were placed.
They made you tick -
and made you tok.
They attempt to gauge,
what can not stop.
Seems like a shame,
For us to name,
Or try to measure,
Your continuous almighty forever.

Then all of a sudden
Out of the blue
It was no longer
All about you.

They say I am a gateway,
They compare me to class A.
I go by many names,
I’m used in many ways.
Watch me preform my tasks,
Medicinal practice here at last.

To the seizing child on the floor -
Let me steady you once more.
A aching bone feeling sore -
You won’t need pills anymore.
A confused mind needs more time -
I’ll wait with you, will see it through.
Or maybe im just for leisure -
I can enhance, what you pleasure.
Certain compounds within me -
Will help you function, human being.

My death count remains naught,
Unlike the alcohol that is bought.
Don’t abuse what I can do,
Respect me, and I shall you.
As with all things great,
It’s give and take.

I was placed here too grow free,
How can they criminalise me?

Passion or obsession,
Conviction or oppression,
Influence or hindrance,
White lies or spoken wise,
Truth teller or fortune seller,
Construction or disruption,
Digression or expansion,
Education or incarceration,
Conformity or abnormality.

Waste my time,
Warp my mind.
Selfish being,
You can’t redeem.
I hate you, so hate me too.
Do we agree?
It’s you, not me.
You should go,
And go alone.
Without you,
I’ll be brand new.

So long you say -
Until another day.
But you’ll be back,
That’s my fact.
Then the punch line,
For a thousandth time,
You still don’t see?
Bless your naivety.

You can’t go this alone,
For I am your very own.
It’s just you and me -
until the end.
Welcome back,
My only friend.

I course through the veins of leaves,
I hide amongst the rushes and reeds.
I can carry home A mass convoy,
I can aid others too deploy.
I run through the vast rain forest,
I feed army’s in a flourish.
I can reflect all of what surrounds,
I can let you glimpse at my deepest grounds.
I glide my way down the mountains,
I pass my way through the home towns.
I have rolled under the bare footed young,
I have washed away blood of those that hung.
I am the one the ocean calls too deliver,
I am thee almighty river.

I give you A nod, A how do you do.
You nod right back, in the politest way too.
I give you wave, on this particular day,
You copied my wave, in a similar way.
I moved to one side, to let you get by,
Yet you waited for me, without saying why.
I smiled at you, as you moved on behind,
I think maybe we’ve passed, some other time.
I change my path, from this way to that,
Then suddenly I see you, coming right back.
Is this simply A minor coincidence,
One of those that makes no sense.
Then I stop, I see you there,
Fixated on me, with your dark stare.
I dart to my left, you move to your right,
Your following me, I know your type.
I start to move, I pick up my pace,
Thats when we begin to race.
I criss and I cross, to shake you off.
I duck and I dive, to bide more time.
I have to stop for it’s no use,
For me to try too lose you.
You check mate me right throughout,
Without A SHADOW of A doubt.

Baby boy unborn,
Awaits the day he dawns.
Been brought to life,
By A mother’s strife.
She gives to him all she is,
For a life only he can live.
A binding love for her first born son,
Ties A knot that can’t be undone.
A timely blessing A gift awaiting,
You’ll soon be here in the making.
Baby boy unborn your mother awaits you,
Along with A loving family and lots of friends too.

Maybe we’re spose to trip when we walk,
Spit when we talk,
Sometimes fall short.

Maybe its ok that we overreact,
From our lack, of personal tact.
Maybe it’s ok to feel disatached,
When we cannot latch,
Or know how to act.
Maybe it’s okey to grow from bad,
Reflect on the sad,
Miss what we had.

Maybe they’ll be A day,
That we can look back,
On days we didnt quite hack,
Or the times we cracked,
And learn to abstract,
With give and take slack.

Walls that surround are suffocating.
They’re inducing hyperventilating.
Flip my insides upside down,
Blood pressure spikes then regrounds.
Switch my breathing to automatic,
Mind goes blank, theres only static.
Feels like hands around my neck,  
So much so I have to check.
Vital signs don’t look so good,
Nothings working as it should.
How did I create this manic,
My head is governed by the panic.
Cant I learn A new response,
Something that serves me for once.
Stuck in this mode fight or flight,
Self infliction my worst plight.

They star star stared what I wrote,
PC and validation is A joke.
Sensor this, adjust that,
Can I speak,
from heart not fact ?
Bring us freedom of speech,
So we can learn,
and we can teach.
Allow me to say how I feel,
And feel what I say,
Then we can rejoice,
In A better day.

I can not write a poem for you,
There is no words so sweet or true,
To do you justice I will fail,
Maybe when I’m old and frail,
I’ll find the words to articulate,
How you showed me love,
That changed my fate.
There was know you without me,
That once was so but now I see,
Your a gift of clarity.
So to you my daughter,
My forever one and only,
I give my life to you solely.

I see the moon,
Suspended in the sky,
When I stare into her eyes,
I see future/present/past,
All within her tiny grasp.
I feel her light, so pure and true,
Her laughter makes me feel brand new.
I hear her thoughts -
Those hopes and fears,
Her innocence brings me tears.
With just a look and one sweet smile,
Ships would sail a thousand mile.
She is my one true love,
Who I’ll always serve,
I gave her life,
Its the least she deserves.

One should make space and time,
To bring forth an enlightened mind.
Take A thought then think deeper,
Hold an emotion until it’s weaker.
Accept what you have,
Only then want more,
Act solely from heart,
If first your head is sure.
We hold abilities of limitless comprehension,
When we seek our own realisation.
Uncharted understanding of what surrounds,
Is achievable for minds free of bounds.
Balance on the line of your life,
Bring forth love, accept strife.  
Once you can create peace from within,
Your true life’s path may begin.

Today seems brighter than yesterday,
Tomorrow no longer stands in my way.
Was it A gentle change from the wind,
That turned A grimace to A grin.
Maybe the new colour I saw in the rainbow,
That reminded me, of how little I know.
Or was it the bird who changed its melody,
So I could sing along, when it sang to me.
Possibly the flower that bowed, as I walked by,
That brought the beauty back to my eye.
Yes, I Thank them all ~
It’s far too kind,
To bless me with your precious time.
At last though, it was the words I saw,
Amongst the moon and stars read,
You Can Always Return, Once You’ve Gone Too Far.

“If you think that you hold the answers,
Then why haven’t you found the solution yet?”
He hushed to me while i faintly wept.
“Just take the pill, and help yourself.
Think about your state of health.”
The questions continue,
how is this? and how was that?
Thinking I could reply in simple fact.
I plead with him,
“Do not pray to whats on my mind,
As we merely do not have the time.”
"Yet he persists,
Relationships? Growing up? Maternal family? "
I mutter the words,
“All traumatic for me.”
“Well then here you go Miss, take these and  come back again soon...I suspect you'll be feeling better by then, i presume.”

I am women,
Thats why I dont walk alone
Listening through my headphones.

I am women,
So I button and check my shirt twice
To ensure i don't attract or entice.

I am women,
Sorry men we can not be friends
For the boundries may blur and extend.

I am a women,
Enjoying the art beautifying a face
I must be looking for the chase.

I am a women,
If I appear bare as a natural,
They'll ask what's wrong or if I'm ill.

I am a women,
When I don't encourage and engage,
I must be odd or maybe strange.

I am a women,
And *** I say is what I like,
They tell me no that's also not right.

I am a women,
I bare child and bring new life,
Presumed I'm simply a stay at home wife.

I am a women,
Working hard climbing the ladder,
I hear my biological clock really matters.

I am a women,
Who enjoys the same as thoes gone before,
They say I have no mind of my own anymore.

I am a women,
Outlandish and keen to explore,
They tell me stop this and settle for sure.

We are women
different and same alike,

We are women
with our own minds,

We are women
who deserve to thrive,
We are women who don't alway survive.

Write me A dream,
My mind you have been,
I couldn’t quite look,
Through eyes unshut.
I heard your smile,
Speak - stay awhile.
A shake of my head,
Is all that was said.
Then I start to conjure,
Through my wonder.
Should I go back - too interact.
Start us again,
Call you my friend?
Unplant the seeds that we sowed,
Share again our heavy load.
Rebuild the bridge that we broke,
Turn the fire into smoke.
Retract the words that we spoke,
Exchange “Im sorry” in best hope.

I don’t know where you came from,
Yet I see you in my favourite song.
I’m not sure where it is you’ll go,
Or if that’s even for me to know.
I wonder what it is you think,
Of meeting me at the brink?
I feared the chaos we could bring,
As you deserve peace within.
I let you glimpse at my heart,
Unaware youd leave with A part.
I feel our time may of been and gone,
Yet the feelings still linger on.
At times I wonder if we missed,
A vital part, loves first kiss.

His words inspire when times turn sad.
His tone so gentle when motions mad.
You’ll take him for granted,
He’s unceasingly there,
I write down my thoughts,
Too convey how I care.
His advice will travel,
Down my descent line,
Those expressions bring comfort,
In despairing times.
He’s not consistently fair, nor eternally right,
His actions justified with insight.
I could go on, as there's more to say,
But short and sweet, is his way.

I am his daughter,
He is my Dad -
And thanks to him,
life’s not so bad.

She was never to think,
Yet she’d thought so much,
A part of her mind never touched.

She did not want,
But only wonder,
Of all the answers she could not conjure.

She slowly splintered,
Never to cry,
Until she saw with her own eye.

She never asked,
Yet she received,
A path where many may be deceived.

She freed her mind,
To roam again once more,
A reset grows replacing all before.

She now has hopes,
She never wished for,
Her time to grow is once more.

I'm still here,
Do you know,
I stayed when you said go.

I'm still here,
Don't you see,
Youll always be the one for me.

I'm still here,
Could you imagine,
I still have not come to fathom.

I'm still here,
What do you do,
I wonder if you miss me too.

I'm still here, but where are you.
I hear your happy,
I hope it's true.

Fill me up,
and I will leak,
My pores cant hold,
what they seep.
A unfilled hole,
Down you go!
Don’t waste your time,
With the climb.
Sit in my void,
But don’t deploy.
Stay with me,
You are not free.
A hand, you say?
I’d rather stay.
It’s always night,
When you miss the light

I hear your right back at the start,
I'm not sorry to be off the chart.
Goodbte to A typical fake misdemeanour,
A classicaly insercure demeanour.
Your truth fell down thick and fast,
Looking back Im glad it's the past.
All the parts of myself that I trusted you with,
Now gifts of lasting memories for you I give.
Reminding me what I knew to be true,
Most only stay when their gaining from you.
I happened to meet the one white witch,
She told me her name was Stevie Nicks.
When I asked her she sadly agreed,
That she sang her song Dreams for me.
So I would know exactly what to do,
Say no more for mi-casa su-casa to you.

So along I move to a happier beat,
Light as air on these tiny dancers feet.
With A left hand man by my right side,
Singing to our new song Riptide.
He says im his tiger but just a kitten inside,
Together we made friends,
With life's Jekyll and Hyde,
We are a future groom and bride.

These are pleas in literature,
Words retained to capture.
Interplays from memories,
Phrases for our enemies,
Thoughts poured onto paper,
Hopes held by A stapler.
Pain drawn out by words,
Feelings told in verse,
Aches etched through styling,
Love bound by rhyming,
It's all laid out as we're surmising,
If you think we create art,
Your not reading our writing.

Hours feel like days,
Months feel like years,
All this time crying tears.
To sleep is too escape,
I dream when im awake,
Resting is not peaceful,
Life is all but dull.
Wishing is time wasting,
Searching becomes tracing,
Hopes turn hopeless,
Souls to soulless.
Time never ends,
Until the day I do,
Only then will I,
Forget about you.

He help me unhinge,
So the rope fell down,
I was saved by the hangman,
Until his noose slipped around.
"Here let me help you" Im certain he said..
But I was fooled by the hangman,
And now I am dead.