There's so much love inside me. A huge well of affection all bundled up inside ready to give to someone.

But there's nobody to give it to.

There's never been anybody to give it to.

It just flows out of my eyes.

It's crippling me
Hidden tears line my pillowcase
They trickle into my beard
Like rain watering thirsty flowers

Artists are often
broken people
using the fragments of themselves
to create something new
and although
being healed
feels so complete
sometimes i want to be broken again
sometimes i want open wounds
so i can use the blood
to paint sunsets
so i can use the torn off pieces of skin as a canvas
so i can carve
masterpieces with the jagged bones left behind
but I can't bring myself to break my own heart in the name of Art

Rather I observed myself like a dark pool,
from a distance,
and whenever I'd get close,
I'd dip a toe in
and hurry away
Because I'm scared to jump in
and witness those dusky demons
devilish and delirious

Inner monsters of self hate and trauma
manifest themselves in the recesses of the psyche
the ocean of the subconscious
currents strong and directing

I can't keep burying them with intoxication forever,
I can't keep distracting them with material things
I have to face them eventually

And when I do

I'll ******* destroy them for what they've done to me

Emotions seep from the waterfall of my mind
elusive and uncatchable
my fingers cannot translate
the feelings my mind conjures
like a magician pulling the rabbit from the hat
like a lover pulling my heart from my chest

that little girl
with innocent eyes
and a sweet smile
tortured and *****
even the devil
must be surprised
at the evil
and tyranny of men
i am saddened to be a part of humanity
or more accurately
the lack of it.