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The Admirer Apr 2018
A feeling inside of me
I can’t understand
Of you and me
Holding each other’s hand

Now I look at them
And see what I mean
Of what then
We could have been
The Admirer Aug 2016
They say in a relationship the most important thing is trust
To tell each other everything
what one thinks or what one does
And I know  that you need your privacy
I know that that's fine
But one thing is space another thing is lying
You thought I wouldn't find out
well you're kind of wrong
Cos those kind of secrets don't last very long
Honeyboo you look a little pale
Anything you wanna say
Trust me I want to here it ,
I..I...I.. What ,You regret it haha o dear
Your apologies won't make the lies disappear
You could have just told me
But instead who told me was ur friends
Compare them to you,they can comprehend
That when u ***** up you face the consequences
But you covered up just like a little kid
Cos u don't have the ***** to admit what u did
Still got nothing to say
You know what thats okay
Cos i wasnt gonna hear your excuses anyway
The Admirer Jul 2017
I am so scared to write to you
Because I am scared about your answer
being out there is something I am not into
As I write to you my heart starts to beat faster
I want to unsend it but I can't anymore
I stare at the message for a while
Did I think this through, not so sure
My head, my thoughts and my feelings go wild
What do I expect him to say
I have always loved you
I have never felt the same
So many answers one can assume
I check my phone again
I shrug and let my phone drop
Suddenly I see a notification with his name
I stare at it and my heart stops...
The Admirer Jan 2017
We used to be perfect, us against the world
but then you became this different girl.

You tried so hard to be liked by everybody
until you forgot all about me

You used to love to laugh at my stupid jokes
and hold me tight and say "dont let go"

Now all your loveable laughter is gone
and you pefer to be with someone more fun

the worst thing is i will always love you
even though you'll never say,"me too"
The Admirer Mar 2018
They don't understand what happens to you, when depressed.
You see everything as meaningless, especially yourself.
The way you can be overwhelmed by joy or sadness
And when you try to do as if you are okay, you end up more hurt.

The loneliness eats you alive, as you crumble away into nothingness.
You give a desperate cry for someone to notice you, help you, love you.
But no one is able to help, only one who can is yourself,
So you learn slowly that the damaged are the strongest.

The ones who live with the pain but carry on with their life.
The one who keeps going when all else in their life fails
the ones who keep quiet when friends talk about feeling
the ones who at the end of each day cry themselves to sleep

And for those who fail to do so, live on with their lives, I'm sorry,
Not because you did it, but why it made you feel like there's no way out.
People like us should live, we deserve a second chance, more than them.
Because they understand the things we have in our head, the hell within
The Admirer Nov 2016
You are just a girl
that can be replaced with any other
in the whole **** world

You are so irritating
nobody cares about what you say
So stop ******* complaining

you mean nothing to me
you are just here for my entertainment
give me what i wanna see

you cant do this you´ll break your nails
This is more of a manly thing that we do  
cleaning and cooking you´ll never fail

stop with all these disrespectful words
you see society has given us this curse
of inequality to the women who give them birth
The Admirer Apr 2018
I sit here staring at the ocean
Trying to gather feeling that are hiding
I have no word for my emotions
Just a heart full of empty silence
The Admirer Feb 2017
When your lips touched mine
All my darkness began to shine
You taught me to love endlessly
And how to live life happily

Now you want to leave, you're good to go
Trust me , I will love someone again
I want you to be happy, even though
It will cause me my eternal pain
The Admirer Feb 2017
Its funny how my hand fitted perfectly into yours
Funny that you'd wait for me by the school doors
Funny that you'd attack me with your little kisses
Funny that you'd also want us to be mr and mrs

Whats more funny is your hands have disapeared
That you're not at the dooring waiting, thats weird
More funny that I've no lipstick stains on my cheek
Hilarious its that you're miss popular and I am a freak
The Admirer Sep 2017
Is it too hard to ask for people to be there?
You give and give, just wanting a tiny
bit of love once in a while,
Is that so selfish to say?
I wonder though.

Should I change?
Just be ruthless and demand.
Not caring about the other' s needs,
Be such a cruel person so I can be loved.
would that make me a bad person or like you?
The Admirer Jan 2017
Her smile lightens up my day
Everyone knows her for her kindness
Lovingly she would be your friend
Perhaps she is all love but I'm not sure..

Maybe I'm crazy but thought I saw tears in her face
Examining her closer she rubs it away

Instead she smiles at me at and walks away

Am I positively sure, well she seems quieter than before
Most of the time she'd laugh but nowadays not so much.

But why does she keep smiling like normal
Really I want to  understand
Of all the ways she could react
Kindly she smiles at everyone
Even though she does need to
Never letting anyone see her break apart
The Admirer Apr 2017
The thing is, you were a good boyfriend
But my dead feelings had to come to an end
I couldn't pretend to feel for you like before
So I ended us and I run out that door

I ran away because I honestly was afraid
Afraid of what you might have said if I stayed
Once before you told me you loved me
And for that I knew I had to leave

I loved you too, but differently
I couldn´t be faking it to make you live happily
I had to do it, think of myself and I am sorry
To have made you believe we were a love story
The Admirer Apr 2017
You might find it  really stupid
How i get worked up over such  things
Whether you notice me
Or if you come to my party

I can only dream that  you do
That you want me as badly as i do you
But then i come back to this bitter world
Where I stare at you with your girl
The Admirer Mar 2018
People keep on talking like i care.
Its funny you think i would
You might think it's mean and rude
But it's not like i am unaware

I feel dead inside
There's nothing for me to hide
Call it trauma if you wish
I call it a being a cold hearted *****

Long time ago I was hurt
I was hurting  really bad
All that pain that I once had
All my emotion I had to desert

Now I feel nothing
Don't care about anyone feelings
Because the more you care about it
The more you have handle the ****
The Admirer Aug 2017
IIIIIIII     NE      HELP H             HELP
    II         ED      HELP  EL    LE  HELP
    II                     HELP       P        HELP
    II                     HELP                  HELP
    II                     HELP                  HELP
IIIIIIII                 HELP                  HELP


IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII  AM            A­M     SOSOSOSO    LO           ST
IIII               IIII  AM        MA         SO          SO     LO          ST
IIII               IIII  AM      AM           SO          SO     LO          ST
IIII               IIII  AMAMAM          SOSOSOSO     LOSTLOST
IIII               IIII  AM         MA        SO          SO            STL
IIII               IIII  AM             AM    SO          SO            STL
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII  AM      ­         MA  SO          SO            STL
The Admirer Mar 2017
I  feel like every time  that our eyes met
All my old feelings are playing on repeat
And I don't know if who only feels this is me
Because it might  be just an illusion I only  see

But if you feel something too, let's just go for it
Either way, it could be pure glory or pure ****
Because you can ask me if I still love you
i would reply honestly that I still do
The Admirer Jan 2017
i am confused
Its a complicated  thing
That's what we all say but it is
There are two girls one boy, a triangle
Two  very abstruse lovers one lover not  so much
Two very present and one left behind in the past
One girl heartbroken and another  very happy
One lost friendship over the same boy
The boy who make the  hard choice
Three very uncomfortable ties
One blooms and two die
one sad ending
The Admirer Jul 2017
It's over now, all of it
The nights spent on my bed lying
With all that heartbreak all that crying
I have finally ended all that ****

My heart is now free from our past
And at first trying to do so was so hard
But i had to dig myself out of that graveyard
Of pain and regrets that i thought would last

You never were the right guy for me
I tried so hard to believe that you were the one
After a while, i knew that nothing could be done
I realised i wanted something that you could never be

*I loved you very much so
but now it is time to let you go
goodbye..
The Admirer Sep 2016
I am trapped
Screaming your name
I just need you by my side
Even though you don't feel the same

Do you know how much it hurts
Loving somebody who doesn't love you
And you don't even see it tearing me apart
But I don't even think you knew

To you I am a joke
Someone who was just there
You can use me without compassion
And you don't even care

But the worst thing that you do
That even if you a ****
I still love you so ******* much
So much it makes me sick
The Admirer Mar 2018
...I LOVE YOU

the way you make me smile is the greatest
You are my sunny days amongst the greyest
You make me laugh like no other
I am the happiest when we're together

...I LOVE YOU NOT

You are a ****, ******* and a selfish guy
you say I don't change, at least I try
There are days I don't ever stop crying
My sanity slowly dying

...I LOVE YOU

My dear to other couples they cant  compare  
We live our lives without a care
They can only wish and dream to be like us
Power couple like Bonnie and Clyde  once was

...I LOVE YOU NOT

I am sick and tired of this ******* and fighting
you say you tell me the truth, I know you're lying
You love me one day an then you don't
leaves me wondering should I leave you alone

...I LOVE YOU

...I LOVE YOU NOT

...I LOVE YOU

...I LOVE YOU NOT

......
The Admirer Jan 2017
I wanted this and i chose it
I didn't take him when he was mine
I laughed at his face  and turned away
I broke him and i was fine

He is feeling  much better now
He's the laughter  in a big crowd
He learnt from his  past mistake
He likes girls that do appreciate

After all this time i simply couldn't forget
The boy who i would always regret
Sometimes i watch him from afar
Seeing how quickly he mended his scar

Now we both have someone in our lives
And even though I have to try
I simply can get him off my mind
Cause now  I am the one, broken inside
The Admirer Jan 2017
she does not have a clue
on how much I love you
and even though you dont love me
in your relationship there are three
you can say no and lie
but you love this secret that we hide
The Admirer Jan 2017
People don truly know
What its like to let you go

i am so relieved yet so sad
About everything we've ever had

It was best thing i could've done
But now life is nor risky nor fun

But you're to blind to see
The mess you made of me
The Admirer Mar 2018
It all seems like a routine. The build up  to the argument, the fight, her crying and her asking for forgiveness without it being her fault. a story many have heard of, of a daughter and father. Daddy issues, funny a lot of girls have them, I wonder why is that... why we all have those problems? Is it all planned out or is it a coincidence. A painful journey we all must have as an adolescent girl or an unlucky few.

There are the lucky ones, whose dad is the one who comforts them, when their moms are not letting them go out to a party or be with a boy they like. Those problems are sweeter i guess, unlike hers, the bitter sweet kind. They both love each other fondly. He can never get over the girl's mom. He release his pain to her and she does nothing... Wait she does nothing? WHY!

Daddy is sad, and daddy gets mad because he is hurt, but when he is not hurt he loves her very much, he calms down, he seem like a dad. Daddy promises her he will try to get better, give him one more chance and don't tell MOMMY. She blindly believes him every time wishing he speaks the truth, but he doesn't.

The saddest part of this is he doesn't want to lose her. He cant lose anyone else, he would be all alone. Whenever he tries to get better he buys her things, builds up strength but looses it whenever MOMMY calls.  Sad thing is she will learn to hurt like daddy does.
A bitter sweet tale of a dad and daughter.
The Admirer Sep 2019
Silence sits in the corner
Speaking with only her eyes
Words that have only torn her
Stories told as she cries

Her world isn’t all dark and gloom
Life gives her gifts of joy and splendor
But while in the corner of the room
Darkness holds her tender
The Admirer Jul 2017
She sits here in front of me
without being able to see
how she ruined me slowly
by doing it unknowingly

she did not listen at all
and from this pit i have to crawl
Because you took him away
and i had to be like, okay
The Admirer Jan 2017
I keep trying to write about you
in this stupid love song
but it goes all wrong

I have so much I want to say
feelings that scream and shout
but none of them comes out

I see you and I want to...
I wish I could explain
why you cause me such pain
The Admirer Jul 2017
Here she comes
they royal one
with the king by her side

does He know the of all  those lies
Of the queen, his own wife
Of the lovers that she hides

Ones know for sure
Some have seen by a hole in the door
The queen and friends hid from sight
The Admirer Jan 2017
Don't speak, don't ruin the moment
Forever, let this live  on and on
For now lets stare into each others eyes
Before the moment is all gone
The Admirer Jan 2017
Things tend to happen
Things that leave scars
Things that will always ache in your heart

There are those who can forgive
And those who cant forget
And those who live in the past

But life goes on ,you cant run away
The past cant be changed
It builds up the person who you are today
The Admirer Sep 2016
She was a fun, crazy but insecure girl who lives a complicated life
He was a shy, depressed antisocial guy, a wallflower boy
They both secretly liked each other,but they never said how they felt
so they remained friends, because at least they'd be together  

She wanted him to show it wasnt a one way feeling
But at the same time, she knew it wouldn't work
Because you see,they are from different crowds
He was the lonely boy ,and she in the ******* up child

He doesnt know how to care, and those feelings confuses him
and he isn't quite sure, if she likes him or not
he is to scared of rejection, so instead he just bottles himself up
she is fun when they're together , but different around her friends

His friends know he likes her,they can see it in the way he looks at her
her friends know about her too, but they don't like the idea of it
his friends tease him, but encourage him to try get the girl
her friends try to find a better guy, well better in their eyes.
It's yet sad but beautiful their strange relationship
Because you don't see such a cute couple
As the quite and the wild
The Admirer Jan 2017
The unkown is ghastly  for some
for those who do not clearly see
that it's a beauty to be discovered

Loving them can be complicated for some
because everything they do is unpredictable
but you'll have never felt such things before

they see the world around them in such ways
we can only imagine to do so ourselves
and they never lie when they say  i love you

alas they are separated from others
as they are seen in as a peculiar thing
because the idea of them is terrifying
The Admirer Sep 2017
The days grow longer
The sun soon sets to sleep
As the night grow faster
Sooner we start counting sheep

It's a new life which arises
A new feeling in the atmosphere
Not the same people, different actions and sizes
Change has come sooner that we fear

Prepare, for the times are changing
The ones you know have started to shed
The beautiful are aging
And all stories have been read
The Admirer Aug 2016
Its late and everyone is lost in imagination
I know I should be fast asleep
But this is when i can show my emotion
Because no can see me being me

I cry because of emptiness inside
I hate this ache in my heart
It makes my throat dry
It makes me feel like something is missing

I say to myself that i dont need no one in my life
But I know i am just talking crap
I just dont want to be fooled by love
But I know that I am just afraid

Truth be told I have never fallen in love
My desire to find that hurts me so much
Because i have false hopes for me
Hopes that will never come true

I fall for people that will never be intrested
I create stories in my head and end up liking the story more than the person
It helps take the pain away for a while
But then i snap back to reality and I am alone again

I wonder how it will be like, to be inlove
Just the thought of it makes me tremble
All the those deep feeling for this one person
The way they can make you glow up when he's with you

But what happens when the fustration and pain kick in
The way they'll make you so angry at times
Or when they wont tell you everything
What about all of those problems

I see my friends in love and do stupid desicion
I find them just so idiotic
I am just dont understand  how this one person can make everything better by saying i love you
Or how the can make you cry all night

So for my future first love
I hope for the best for you and me
And that you love me back
Because thats what i fear most in you
The Admirer Feb 2017
Lost by  our own illusions
Only we know true ambitions
Never part of the large crowd
Everyone teases us and laugh
Really we are just unnoticeable
YOU
The Admirer Jun 2017
YOU
I fell in love with you
You could say I am *******
My heart broken By the guy
Who's between all my friends thighs

Yet I still I think about you at 3 am
the boy who once felt the same
I love the old you who has died
Somewhere in you, screaming inside

— The End —