I couldn't breathe
   I tried to scream
Silent tears
   A horrible dream

You covered my face
   And held me down
I couldn't move
   No help around

I was too small
   Your hands too strong
What did I do
   That was so wrong???

So I just cried
   Wishing you'd leave
Alone in the dark
   I couldn't breathe...

I don’t understand why it hurts so much.

Why does the thought of you with him,
Feel like a dagger in my chest?

Why does the thought of you being happy, without me,
Feel like I’m being suffocated to death?

Why does the thought of you forgetting me,
Feel like I’m empty and broken into pieces?

I don’t understand why it hurts so much
When you were never mine to lose.

i think how we need to be loved as adults stems from our childhood (or lack thereof).

if you were abandoned, you need to be smothered, to know every second that you're adored. but as a child you were always alone, so the very love you crave makes you feel suffocated and crawling white knuckled to get out.

and so this war rages inside of us, until we have exhausted ourselves & perhaps those who were brave enough to extend their hands.

©raine cooper

Loving someone is carrying the burden of their sadness on your back so they can have a chance to breath even if it is suffocating you

It's funny how you said that I was always depressed, how I was always mad and I was always in distress.  You said I was angry.  I told you I'm not usually like this, but instead of believing me you held it in your fist. I told you we could be happy, I told you we could be the best but you'd hold to your heart that I'm really just like the rest. But without you I'm okay, my eyes are open and I do not cry. I cry for the fact that everything was a lie. I'm not depressed, mad, in distress or angry. My heart is free, free of you, free of giving you everything. I gave you a whole, not a half but you gave me lies and you always attacked. I defended myself and it made you furious. Gave you lies back but that only made you curious. Curious of how much you can push me, curious of how much I can take. I held your whole world on my plate. I crashed and burned and you didn't even care. You just watched the flames, the flames burning in the air. Crisp fresh air polluted with you. You suffocated me and this is really true. I can breathe now, I can see now, I can even read now, between the lines. And you're between my heart, between my head, between my spine. I think of you all the time.... But why?

Lonesome in the moonlight
thinking only of your kisses
missing the levity, missing the pivotal moment
where I open eyes to two who stare in mine
and return to Earth as ash as we both burn up
as we turn to stars mimicking, a little bit,
the husks of human flesh we were
And I'm surrounded, and I drown in
the affectations of a denomination out of touch or too in tune
Pull me ever down
Under the riptide
To be so suffocated
Between the dead--
not deities.

We live another complication everyday,
Adding another thread to bind us.

It's been so long...
Can't move my wings, my limbs--
How did I get stuck?
Did I do this to myself?
The *puppeteer is pulling too hard!
I want to move,
But I can't
I'm twisted up,
The thread is too tight;
I can feel the dread of suffocation on the horizon.
I'm trying, I'm fighting,
I want to be free!
But I can't move anymore...

The thread won't let me,
The strings are being pulled too tight--
My prison, it cuts into my skin,
I can barely breathe enough to live on...
I want this suffering to end!

Aah! Yes...
I remember now,
I took the thread of my own free will!

It started that day...
When I heard them speak,
I did as they asked,
And the thread wound around me.
I didn't ask for answers and didn't speak of my questions;
I kept on going where their path lead,
And I ended up here:
Suffocated, stranded, in naïve ignorance.

Even though the puppeteer wants me to move,
Even though I can feel his anxiety to help;
He can't do a thing.
The thread has been wound too tight,
*If the thread won't snap soon,
I will.