you did nothing for me
and yet i'm still here immortalizing you
why can't i give it up?
i held on to loving you for so long
but now i'm just holding on to hating you

let me let go

all the poems i wrote you were exaggerations
to make up for the love you never gave me
i can admit that now

sure, the 'i love you's were on your lips
but your kisses tasted like, '*******'s

you never listened to me
you never listened to the songs i asked you to
you never set up your ******* voicemail

you broke up with me over text. while i was with my family. in utah. having panic attacks every day. telling you about them. see above: you never listened to me.

i'm sick. sick of you. sick of this.
you're over it. my mind is over it. why isn't my heart?

i'm done coming up with metaphors for you
for how much you took and never gave
i'm done making excuses for you, and taking the blame
and i'm not going to do the 'just friends' thing with you
if you're going to tell our friends to cut me off
and smile at me like nothing happened
smile like two years took nothing from you

and i guess they didn't

The back of my head slammed into the wall.
My body slides down the wall in a daze.
I snapped back when I felt hands around my neck.
Grasp getting tighter.
His eyes growing black.
Body is frozen.
Mind is racing.
Martial arts techniques cycle through my mind.
Ways I can over power you.
My only reality is I have to **** you, consume you, and then become you.
I let you decide my fate.
I stared into your evil grinning face.
You loosen your grip, when you decided I had enough.
You stood over me like you won.
I didn't even cry.
I was ready to die.
Coward.

You were the first and only to say “I love you.” And I remember telling u not to rush the 3 big words bc I didn’t believe it was true. And I didn’t believe that I loved you either.

Up late at night, you slept through the day
Text her first but you don’t know what to say
You ask her dumb things to make conversation
She’s not like the rest of the population
Stuck because she actually showed you love
She gave you the faith in a place up above
All of that’s gone now and it’s just you and I
We’re 0-6 when it comes to attempts to die
But all we need is that lucky number one
Then maybe all of our suffering will be done
I hate the demon that lives inside my brain
The one who feeds me negativity due to pain
Look in a mirror and stare at myself in disgust
I don’t even see a person that I could trust
I don’t even know who I am anymore
Im drinking my life away behind a closed door
I cry at least four times a day and I’m sick
I mentally keep trying but it feels like a trick
So my only escape is through games and ****
Overthinking my life, wishing I wasn’t born
I’ve hurt so many people and I keep on going
Half the time I don’t even know what I’m doing
I have long hair to hide my insecurities
I can’t continue to spread this positivity
Truthfully I’ve given up multiple times
Why do I continue to write these rhymes
They used to help but now I’m just stuck
But I really think I’m running out of luck
I hate you, I hate him, and I hate myself
We’re all the same person, so we hate ourself

I stare at you

                      and there's something


but                      nothing

I’m such a ******* idiot for trusting you all over again.

Thinking **** would be different but you still have the same people on your phone thinking it’d be different.