Xiao - SparKticas - Hello Poetry

Xiao - SparKticas Apr 2018

Once upon a time,
I would see myself off to sleep
Eager to see the sun rise in the morning
Ready to face the world with open arms
^
It didn't take much time,
For the world to hurt me when I was open
Eager to forgive and forget I moved on
Ready to face the world with open arms
^
After some time,
I saw myself fall apart at the hands of others
Eager to find a reason to exist anymore
Ready to face my death with no regret
^
It took time,
For my wounds to heal and my body to cope
Eager to find myself and rekindle my fire
Ready to open myself up to the world
^
Lost track of time,
I stand broken, mended and broken over again
Eager to share my story of adversity and strength
Ready to open my experiences to the world

#time #experiences #heartache #suicide #imsorry #helpme

Xiao - SparKticas Mar 2018

Dec. 27 - 2017

I am God's one, and only mistake.
If our lord is perfect, why would he curse the world with my existence?
When i exist solely to bring pain and suffering unto others, what kind of sick joke was he playing at?

I hope one day my parents realise, that although i was the only planned baby they had out of 3, i was the only mistake they made in having. Im sure my parents are real proud of the monster their son becomes around woman. Im sure they're proud of their verbally abusive, short tempered, selfish and cold son...

I hope that one day peoples open their eyes and see the truth for whats inside me and not what i show them on the outside, i want them all to look at my grave one day and be thankful that the world was rid of a demon that day, that satan had finally recoiled and taken back his child.

Life is nothing but a series of moments that exist to remind ourselves we still feel something.

Right now all i feel is pain, drowning, and anger, i hate this body, i curse this mind, maybe if i wish upon a star, i can go back in time, and stop things from going this far

I found this draft, saved. Thought I'd share the little relevance it has now

#mistake #suicide #death #imsorry #relationship #emotion

Xiao - SparKticas Feb 2018

Timeflies

I keep telling myself I'll be alright (I won't)
And I know it can't get worse than today
Sitting here and she's trying to rehearse what to say
See, she's on her own wishing this'd all stop
While she's getting used to the sound of a teardrop
~
It hits the tile
And I know it's been a while since you seen me
Smile and laugh like I used to
I've been in denial since it happened
Just take me to the past
'Cause I just couldn't imagine losing you
~
I can't explain this so I'll keep it all inside
Wear my pain, but it's masked by my pride
That's all I have left in this messed up facade
A butterfly with clipped wings
Tryna fly high as it's heart sings

If there had been honesty, if there had been openess I wouldnt be writing this piece now.
Solely because this is how things ended up, that it's the way they'll stay

Xiao - SparKticas Feb 2018

You

I still think of* you,
Late at night,
When I can't sleep right.
~
I still dream of you,
In my grasp,
When loneliness refuses to unclasp.
~
I still long for you,
By my side,
When my tears have dried
~
I still cry over you
Every waking second,
When my beating heart beconds.
~
I still can't forget you,
Every single day,
When I say I'm okay.
~
Why,
Is everything still,
**You?

We really have no idea what's going on in eachothers lives anymore. For the most part I think I'm doing better on my own, by that I mean us not talking... It's hard, I can't lie, this piece sums up alot of what I'm going through on the most basic level.
These pieces don't help me like they used to, back in the day, but I guess it's a good way to say things I wouldn't usually be able to.
I hope you're doing okay, I hope you're happier now and with people who improve your day, mood, happiness and life. I'm trying to do the same for me...
I look forward to counselling, and to being in a better place, atm I don't know what for, who for or why I am living, so finding a reason will do me good.

#imsorry #relationship #breakup #heartache #loneliness #pain #her

Xiao - SparKticas Jan 2018

Confliction

In silence I suffer, drowning.
Losing the fight, falling.
~
On the surface, calm.
To everyone else, happy.
~
Beneath it all, hurting.
They know I'm lying, breaking.
~
I want you to see I'm okay, even if I'm not.
That way things'll be better, even if they're not.
~
Convince myself over and over, even if I don't believe it.
Tell myself everything will work out fine, even if I don't believe it.
~
I'm fine, no I'm not
I'm happy, no I'm not
I'm grateful, no I'm not
~
I don't accept this, yes you do
I hate you for this, no you don't
I don't blame myself**, *yes you do

*I do not know anymore, only when I think about how I am okay, do I stop feeling okay. Perhaps I need to just not think about it at all*

#relationship #breakup #heartache #feelings #honesty #confused #imsorry

Xiao - SparKticas Nov 2017

Fairytales

Once upon a time, you had a knight.
He protected you, day and night.
Strong, kind and as charming as the moonlight.
Your best intentions, never left his sight.
~
Once upon this time, you have a mistake.
He did all he could, to ensure your heartbreak.
Cold, unnerving and as conceited as a snake.
Your best intentions, left far in his *wake.

Yep, people change.
Sorry I'm not the man I used to be...

#heartbreak #failure #mistake #imsorry #relationship #lonely

Xiao - SparKticas Oct 2017

April 27th 2017 - My Only Draft

Till death do us part
You'll forever hold my heart
Just listen to it slowly break
From devastation in our wake
○◘○◘○
As each day goes past
Our personalities differ in contrast
We were once so enraptured
Now my soul has been captured
○◘○◘○
There is no more you and me
I refrain from any duplicity
I just gotta have you back
**Get my life back on track

As the title suggests, of all my poems, this was the only one saved as a draft.
A poem I wrote in the dark but never submitted, so here it is.

#relationship #breakup #alone #lonely #sorry #iloveyou #her #us