"Our people don't build fences"
and so
I didn't learn boundaries

"Our women don't talk like that"
and so
I didn't speak up

"Our children are always nice"
and so
I didn't learn where it was healthy to store my rage

"Our family doesn't do things like that"
and so
I didn't have the courage to try at times

"Our roots are here"
and so
I didn't leave with confidence

But....

I built boundaries
and so
I healed

I spoke up
and so
I healed

I raged
and so
I healed

I tried
and so
I healed

I left
and so
I healed

How do I love you?
I obsessively read
Pisces love horoscopes
though I am a Capricorn

How do I love you?
I vividly imagine
our colorful future together
though I know it's unlikely

How do I love you?
I unhesitatingly take
your jabs at my best efforts to please you
though I know you're projecting

How do I love you?
I ask myself, constantly, repeatedly
why my love for you isn't enough
though I do know the answer

How do I love you?
I incessantly interrogate myself
a beggar for love, begging away
though there's a treasure trove inside of me

How do I love you?
as I look longingly at my reflection
at the woman who is still learning to love herself
though her soft, open  heart has  be restrung like a treasured violin

A heap of restaurant chairs
weighed down the old red Chevy truck
criss-crossed by a nonsense of bungee cords

What a heap of sadness
weighing the workers down
criss-crossing each other in masked silence

The sad eyes of the restauranteurs
as the weighed down truck pulls away
with their hopes and dreams, silently

Eyes resisting tears
pulling at all the strength they may have left
hoping their home isn't next

It's a tearful Christmas despite all the good cheer
leaving behind hopes and dreams in a viral haze
it's hope that makes a home; money, only a house

She's a would-be
Disney villainess
a temptress

She's a would-be
empress
a mogul-ess

She's a fear
and she's a longing
distant and yet, oh-so-near

She's a myth
and she's a nightmare
so subtle, yet full of pith

And so unreal
yet in reality, so sad
all because, she's ******* mad

Mad like the full moon
mad enough to tear her hair
don't you stare

Trope upon trope
we lay upon the forbidden woman
the discarded woman without hope

If only we had the eye of compassion
instead of berating her for her passion
we'd heal our lost mothers and daughters at last

Bankrupt of his majesty
the would-be, could-be king
falls into a paunchy old age
Quite literally

He was young once
the would-be, could-be mogul
fell into addiction, hard times
Quite typically

Now hobbling into oblivion
the would-have-been, could-have-been
falls for a younger princess in her thirties
Quite predictably

Standing taller
his would-have, should-have, could-have
falls away in the reverie of romance
Quite nicely for a time

Until his old habits hurt her
his should-be-s apply to her
falling in love hurts them both
Quite a bit

She was young once too
a would-be, still could-be
falling into the trap of thinking time is scarce
Quite often

She's teetering on oblivion
the would-have, could-have, should-have
falling for the allure of what-is-not
Quite hard

A patch of gray hairs dust her widow's peak
would-have, should-have covered them
falling in line with what's expected
Quite easily

Bankrupt of her majesty
the would-be, still could-be queen
rises into a vulnerable middle age
Quite determinedly

A piece
of a ouija board
sits in the Los Angeles River
as the inky crows squawk nearby

I pace
along this polluted trickle
of a river
as the crows flutter by

Apace
a runner darts near
without his mask
I shudder

Ashes
ashes
we all
fall down

January girl
eyes wide with hope

January girl
smile once wide with joy

January girl
where are you hiding
and why

January girl
will you tell me,
trust me

January girl
the winter will be over soon

January girl
I have a fire lit for you
come inside or let me in