I took out a piece of parchment to scribble down the things i wanted to ask you, hoping the angels would bring it to you.
I thought perhaps, should i ask why? Why you couldn't hold on to life a little longer because i still can't get over the fact that you are gone. Or maybe to ask if it is really you who appears in my dreams...or am i just overly hallucinating to the point of memory alteration.
I should ask what keeps you busy because you mentioned the first time we talked in my dreams that you couldn't visit sooner because you had been busy. I should ask why you can't appear in my dreams everynight. Like the night before my graduation when you came and we took pictures full of glorious technicolour and we were content.
I should also ask whether you noticed that i am blue, broken...i lost myself. That I am so afraid of loss that i feel the need to push the ones i love away. To ask whether you noticed that i keep to myself so that i do not burden those around me when i break down with the mere mention of "mum".
Or let me just ask for advice. I grew up accepting the concept of broken hearts because somehow humans decided that figuratively the heart is made of glass. But mine isn't. It's made if sand. I lost a grain or two over the years but now...i should ask for advice on how to mend my disseminated heart. For it is scattered into millions of grains.
And for some reason time seems to have gone to a stance. The saying that time heals all wounds seems vague to me now. For no matter how much time passes by, this wound isn't healing. Its hard to think about you, but its even harder not to.
So after contemplating all these questions, i took out my quil and wrote the one question i was desperate to ask you:

*mother, are you well?

I woke up with thoughts of longing
it must have been a vivid dream
the one place where my heart wasn't empty
like a porcelain doll to a little girl
my heart ached for you  

The dust in my heart needs cleaning
for if I do not, the picture of you will fade
then I will not see your face, that face
which is so full of glorious technicolor
my heart longs for you

clear out oh the dust in my heart
so that I may once more dance to the music
so that I may once more be filled with joyous celebrations

Along the journey
Along the laughs and the tears
Along the sleepless nights and restless days
Along the fights and the makeups
Along the fake smiles and hurtful words
Along the reconciliations and comprises
Along the backstabbing and heartbreaking
Along the hidden phone calls and texts
Along the long breaks and short conversations
Along the doubted trust and vile behavior
Along the alcohol shots and cigar smokes...

...*I forgot love was supposed to be beautiful

Sweet child you are a dime
you were created out of him
for he alone couldn't handle this earth
you make it whole

Woman, you fill the earth with life
without you this earth would be dead
your smile is like the dawn of spring
your heart the melodies of heavenly tunes

You were brought up to be submissive
that's how loyalty is brought up
you were given the gift of forgiveness
that's how great queens rule  

That bite of the apple, let it not haunt you
the snake will remind you everyday
just remember who you are and your worth
you are the light of the world
.
.
.
.
.
you are queen
you are the last piece of the puzzle
you complete the world

In the dead of night, darkness befell
oozing noises of lost souls
the monster crept behind the frightened
feeding off their fear till it beckoned them

Its eyes were red and its body black
a body that a naked eye could not portrait
its speed was fast and impossible to see
for its goal was to bring chaos

the children hid in an abandoned house
waiting, panting, loss of hope
for this creature, one of them it took
and slowly, they were being thinned

then out of nowhere a big wind arrived
like fog that blacked all view
the monster was nowhere to be seen
for this wind, a new fear it stroke

slowly a big hand in the mid air appeared
ascending from heaven, seconds slowly
it hit the ground and imprinted itself
the wind vanished and a new day arose

the children came out of the house
rays of light hit their cold bodies and they took new breath of life
the darkness and wind both, were gone

Somewhere between ego and distance, love lost - we became strangers.,

You cannot go without noticing her
in a room full of strangers
she always stands out
poised and dignified
she wears beauty of the nine lights
her body soft like fine silk
her heart is that of a child
loving and warm
she speaks for the voiceless
and acts for the weak and vulnerable
when you meet her you will notice
she wears a scarf of three colors
black, red, green
the colors of her nation
nothing more captivating this duchess
the Malawian duchess
when you meet her say your hellos
I'll answer you back
for I am her
a young Malawian duchess
the first and last of my kind

I loved you before you

She gave him her heart
he gave her his mind
she yearned for love
he chased after lust

but when they met in the middle
one gave more than the other
temporary pleasure
versus never ending affection

she wanted to keep going
he was waiting for the U-turn
she built a lifetime of laughter
he only lived for the moment

but when its all said and done
and destiny overflows
her purity will reward her joy
his thoughts will torment him

for the loss of his one true love
will leave him hallow
while she overcomes them all
every last piece of the broken nothings

Find it again
your childhood dream
when you were so full of life
which was shut down by life itself

Find it again
the reason you used to laugh
when all you had was a wandering fantasy
which was lost by life itself

Find it again
that drive you used to have
finding yourself in trouble at all times
that childish game you played

Find him
your knight in a shining armor
fighting for the right side of the battle
Gods side

Child,
let your tears flow
drown in them.
The tulips bloom after the rain anyway.

I have been kissed by a rose
strange but not weird

I was lost in the clouds
warm but not cozy

A rose's keen sting
Loves morning text

A deer by a mountain top
drops of dew in the morning grass

It was like rain on a sunny day
coal in a chocolate cake

mixed frequencies in a slow jam
a smile from an angry parent

I have been kissed by a rose
a wonderful, beautiful, thorny rose

Forgiveness is the art of letting go of pain.
Pain which left you scarred.
like skin burnt with fire.

It is the art of forgetting.
Forgetting the one who betrayed you.
Left you to be fed to the dogs.

It is the art of loving.
The one who did you wrong.
Without looking back.

It is the art of hoping.
Hoping amidst the darkest of nights.
For the suns first rays of light.

But one thing is for certain.
The scar will always show.
The scar of burnt skin.

Subconsciously, my heart wanted you
it chose you
unplanned, it followed you.
Subconsciously, my mind drifted away in oblivion
it thought of you
unknowingly, it was curious about you.
Subconsciously, my soul matched with yours
it found you
unworriedly, it trusted you.
Subconsciously, my eyes gazed at you
amazed by you
untimely, I looked away from you.
Subconsciously, I hid from you
faded away from you
unceremoniously, I disappeared from you.

It tastes as sweet as a good dream,
Love.
It feels as soft as a baby's skin,
Love.
Gramps once told me a story,
about Love.
Two young men fighting,
for Love.
They skipped the part about pain,
for love is self contained.
There's happiness, laughter
but there's also sadness, pain.
when I am grey I will tell the grandkids
about Love.
The good, and the bad.

Two brothers, wealthy and fine
the younger one,
insatiable, greedy, voracious...

father, my share i shall have
for he had other plans in mind
the father, nobly gives

Lost one, in a distant land he goes
Squandering all he had on pleasure
drinking, living wildly, spending...


A horrid famine befalls the land
the lad, without penny
into servant-hood he goes
feeding pigs to earn a living

To father i shall return he thought
for his wealth is mighty and fine
forgiveness i shall ask
he was hungry, cold, pitiful...

Upon the sight of lost one,
the father welcomed with a kiss
happiness, overjoyed  his heart

Let us feast he shouted
the servants obeyed
**for the son was dead, lost, but no more...

They gathered round the oak tree,
silently waiting, hearts pounding.
The east side wind was screaming,
for time was near.
The sacrifice of love was never to be understood,
like two birds twirling in circles.
I will be back...
...I love you
His last words echoed,
as his soul was sent into an infinite void.