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in the early morning when i am awake
and no one else is up, i'm the most
hilarious, charming
person ever - or maybe i'm not and i'm just like this
blurred out, half-toned, tripcase.
like a series of spirals
of this delirious sarcastic string of mildew.
but i make myself laugh a lot
by embarrassing myself
i guess that's all i'm saying.
do you feel me dog?
Billie Holiday samples -
rich hors d'oeuvre's -
your brother ******* his
girlfriend, thing
your brothers ******* their girlfriend
things
and so magnets make me weak -
but not always -
the sleeper is a comfortable skin -
a flock of seagulls
Max
Sat down next to this seven year old kid named Max.
He could play a couple songs on the piano, it astounded me
He then sung to me one of his songs that he'd written.

He would ask questions like, "How can I fix this?" -
as he pointed to the bottom of a handrail that shifted with weight.

I sat with him a while, and he made me want a child.
He made me want to bring a being into being.
don't like hellos
don't like goodbyes
don't like seeing you unintentionally
don't like being used
like being used
like seeing you unintentionally
like goodbyes
like hellos
Like a summer peach
you tasted so sweet
I bit into you harder
so you wouldn't feel the ache
but deep beneath the pain
and all of the regret
was a deep and rotten pit
and you wouldn't grow again

Hard and strong
like an oak
with withered branches
and dying leaves
you climb at first with ease
but closer to the top
your limbs start to fall away
and as you reach the top
a sad heart lies still.
This was the last song I listened to with you and we were driving in my car with the top down, watching the leaves fly up behind us on 32. I sang at the top of my lungs and you started to cry because the wounds of losing Dylan were so fresh and I cried too. You grabbed my hand I told you never to let go. And god the world keeps spinning, everyone keeps going on and I just want to scream that I'm not sure i'll ever be ready, can we just take a minute? Because if I move too fast I'm afraid i'll forget what you smell like, or your beautiful voice, or the way you help me so close. Now I'm standing here with a hand that doesn't know if it's holding only air and a heart that's waiting to skip a beat that matches yours perfectly. Crashing, falling down, I'm broken so just let me be.
"Call It Karma-Silverstein"
Call it karma because I was supposed to save you. I was supposed to be your angel that saved you from all of this. And I blame myself because you died in my arms that morning and it was all my fault.
There was no more lights in your eyes
Who was the thief to steal it away?
And you told me it was our yesterday and tomorrow
Were you ready to leave it all behind?
You were gripping the sheets
said real love only graced you once
and you had lost that just once
What was worth living for?
The sunshine still danced
on our bedroom window
But your side of the bed was
now cold
And the world kept spinning
But you couldn't forget yesterday
I was supposed to save you
Take the demons far away,
demons far away
and let the pain be free

Be your angel,
your heroine
and instead I let you fall,
but God I prayed

You were counting on me
and instead of showing you the way
My wings disappeared
and I've been falling since the day
I look back and I see a father who was never home
Who the **** cares?
I see a father who liked to drink a lot
Who the **** cares?
I see a father who didn't take care of us
I see a father who didn't spend time with us
I see a father who saw our mother die
and never opened that door again
I see a father who hit me when
I told him I needed a help
I see a father who became half of a parent
when my mother died
I don't see a father at all

I see a loving mother
Why so great?
I see a mother who tried to be there
Why so great?
I see a mother whose kisses and love
I took for granted
I see a mother who was sick
even without the cancer
I see a mother who never really gave up
Now, I don't see a mother at all

I see a girl who lost the song in her heart
and all her hope was lost
No one saw a daughter at all.
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