Sometimes I sit and wonder why it doesn't work
Sometimes I sit and day dream of another life
And sometimes I sit and try to remember what we were like
the first time
The first line
The rush
from my brain to my throat
to my tongue
to my lips
The exact placement of my hands on your hips
the words I said to get me this far
I snap out of it and realize
this moment never happened
So how can I possibly remember our first kiss?

Relive the moment
Re-read The history
Repent from the past
Reiterate the words
Rethink the logic
Remember the hardships
Restrain The inscurites
Rewrite The map
Retype the joy
Reassure the foundation
Recite the goals
Re-do the next day

This game of life I'll explain it like chess
only the way she plays is with her own rule set
No King to start and she doesn't need one either
No Checkmate she still rules her board with authority no Rooks, no bishops she moves how she pleases
me I'm still sticking around like a pawn scheming
almost undetectable  , unnoticed  at times but I'm still trying to make it across proving to her
I CAN BE YOUR KING
if she allows it
still moving one step at a time in any direction I please
but I always keep in mind this is her playing field and that's the key
I'll keep taking out those in my way until I reach my final place
it's a well thought out game not to be played with emotion or distress
always calculated at my own pace every move I make I'll make sure it's to impress

Headed in the wrong direction
seeking out a prince to make her a queen
Little does she know she rules without a King
The crown she wears made of the purest of gold
harvested deep with in her soul
chipped out of that giant heart she firmly holds
no one can come near it
last **** who did tried to exploit and extract
she never seems to step back
strong willed as ever
she's met some nobles but she deserves much better
No Need to share the throne you've done it all and more while being alone.
stop and think everything you've ever accomplished has been on your own without needing a hand to hold
much greater than I only word to describe you is bold
Out shine the rest out grind the rest
Chin up crown nice and polished
hold that head up high let every one see the pain you've abolished
Queen of Love and all kinds of malice
let some pawn try to woo you all they can do is run back and say their effort was valiant

Attracted to the broken
Like myself
I yearn to be fixed
To make amends
To feel once again
To wake up to my favorite person at my side
It’s not in the cards for me
And it wasn’t for you
So broken
No matter the repairs
I’ll never feel like new
Find me in a thrift store
Along with the other gems
Marked down due to being used

She used to feel pretty she used to feel the luck but just like with everything else Time DOESN'T GIVE A ****..
the prom queen,the popular one,
the type a girl who wouldnt give a time of day unless you  matched her cool
but now all she wants is someone to pick up her kids from school
Maybe a night out
but we all know she's the type you just use now.
vulnerable more than ever the looks fade and so does the crowd.
Throwing up the batsign hoping someone will call
sorry to disappoint but this Cinderella isn't going to the ball.
Wipe the tears honey and just enjoy that you had a moment on top
thought it was big enough to run a muck
And never thought about the fall.

Often I find myself questioning everything
is it worth it?
why do I care?
why do I contemplate?
Seems like everytime I'm around someone I can't seem to get it right
I keep to myself but then it becomes an issue
people think I'm out of touch or just lost
far from that more like ready to burst
too honest at times I would say
and I guess some can't handle it and just rather not come my way
Truth hurts it's part of the reason I rather wear my heart on my sleeve no need to deceive
I'll let you keep thinking you know what's going on and it's exactly what you see.

Like magic in a hat
Reach into nothing
Pull out a distraction
A game of smoke and mirrors
Couple tricks up my sleeve
A bouquet of flowers
Don’t expect them to be fresh
Maybe if you have a second stop and catch their scent

I'm not one to dwell and I'm not one to build while I'm still trying to repair
I'm not here to try anything funny
Just simple
If that's hard to understand well sorry
Small talks are no longer an interest
I rather get to know you then weasel my way around
have an actual conversation an exchange of noise isn't much to go off of
tell me something
let me see the real you
because I'd like more than just a lovely view.
Call me odd if you will
one thing is for certain
My words can paint a lovely picture
a self portrait
one which people might say my looks could
****..

Lots of time spent arguing and quiet
A life full of regrets isn't something I look foward to
so if I happen to swallow my pride and move on don't hate me
Understand I've given it alot of time and I'll never get that back so it's all worth it
The right choice to sit back rejoice with my moments
My mind is at peace and my goals set steadily ahead of me
Cutting out those who hang on me heavily
I march to my own tune my own melody
Sing it next time you decide to remember me.

Not that I'm constantly looking but if you want laugh at my love life here it goes
I get rejected even in my dreams
so broken that even where I have all control
I still give myself no hope
only place I might have a chance
yet I still find ways to let it all pass
It's a struggle to figure out where my charm lies
I might've had my shot at some point  but still I watched it slowly die
So mislead by low self esteem I probably already saved my queen
yet I just handed her over due to the fact
well...i don't think I'm capable of ever really feeling loved back
I don't know how to play the game I was never really taught it also might be I can't ever seem to hide my thoughts
I wear my heart on my sleeve as cliché as it sounds
No one liners here I'll hit you with the truth 
it's okay back away scared of the profound
I already have my daily reminder
Everybody loves to laugh at a Sad clown.

The reason no one knows if  trees make a sound when they fall is because they don’t care enough to be around them
You’re a tree and you provide oxygen which is life
Not everyone deserves to live

Too many Thoughts all at once
yet I seem to find comfort in the chaos
I may look lost but no one ever really knew where they were going
My patience tested on a daily
and my actions questioned at every movement
But what are my motives?
Am I slowly losing my mind
or am I living too fast
Everyday seems like I'm on auto pilot
Can't remember the last time I cared
I'd find my nitch but I don't know where I put it in the last life
I forget what I did but I relive it somehow
Follow the stars but they don't  often shine around the city lights and I'm not following names on a sign because those roads have already been explored
Boots laced up nice and tight let's see if I can catch some wind and finally fly.

A night to remember
For some to forget
Final place of solace
A life time of regret
Seeking inner peace
Putting an end to the pain
Carry me to comfort
A final solution is what you seek my friend
Hold me and never let go
It’s a small price to pay for a healthy soul
Tell me I’m loved
I rather keep the truth to play it safe
It’s more than enough
It’s all I can take

Feeling foolish if you ask me
didn't take a chance instead listened to my heart beat...... skip
because I rather not take a chance
Call me a mute when it comes to speaking romance
Across the room let me take a step and ask for your number
better yet a date
time, set, and a place?
Not much to offer but kind words and a heart to grow
If it's riches that you seek it's a good thing I hold my tongue while the ship sinks
but if not then we are getting off to a good start
Long walks and long talks 
because apparently no body wants to get to know you anymore
Rather put it all out there in 1 sentence if you ask me it's not always about patience
because life's to ******* boring somtimes not to take a chance .

Never my second option
always wanted to be first
Swallowed my pride
over the years  kept my distance but still at arms reach if you needed me
if you wanted me
probably not
But still somehow you imprinted on my thoughts
Crushed always
every little conversation  is meaningful
though I might never get the chance
I can stay hopeful and if not now or then well
in another lifetime I guess

I still sit back and wonder how I ever got a chance.
still remembering your look at the Halloween dance
Not a mad monster party but you had me like a mummy in a trance
Wanted to impress you but no self confidence at the time
little did I know somehow I'd have you at my side
as funny as it may be and so long ago yet those are some of my best memories that I can't let go
Don't ask me why I've managed to stay around so long
if I had a response it's like listening to that one feel good song
switch it up though
she's a beauty and I'm the adicto..

She wanted to be loved
but not in a total fairytale type of way, just wanted someone to understand that she was damaged
and still needed love
like everyone .
She would give her all for the one she
loves
Passionate and crass was her way .
A queen in ever aspect of her personality.

sometimes I day dream you'll give me a moment
But as I sit and think about it
every opportunity  we have just never seems to work.
whether you got things to do or people to see
It's clear you've got time for others  just not for me
Hurt wouldnt be the word to describe what I want to express
more like confident that I'm better than the rest
I'll let you figure that out when he sends that late night text
you'll realize that his lust isn't love it's  all about the *** and as you sit there full of regrets  if I come to mind it's because you know those chumps aren't even on my level not even close to 2nd best.

Not everyone is out to harm you
Not everyone is going to love or even like you
It’s not about them
It’s about you

Hello again
Seems I've forgotten my ways
The little things
constant change of directions
my train of thought on its way towards a head on collision
And the obstacles on the track don't worry me much
it's more of the thoughts powering the train
Giving into simplicity everyday
A smile might be all it takes
A nod to a stranger walking down the street sending off a reason to believe
Tired of holding all the weight letting go back now and back to the little things

I’d ask for you to speak to me
But the actions are enough
louder than anything your words would express
It’s fine
Just hope it was worth your time
Never one to disappoint
I’ll continue to be another broken toy

Ever wonder what it's like?
Have you ever had a cramp?
Kind of like that
only it's not as easy to just stretch
unless it's the brain
stretch the mind that I might be happy someday
I've kept things in because that's what I was taught
Bottle it up
it's only your thoughts
it's all in your head
out of sight out of mind right?
if only it was that simple
I'd vent but I think to some it's gotten old
maybe once I'm gone people might say everything seemed okay
take it to my grave
all the **** I've been holding
I guess that's why they silence is golden

She used to mean the world to me now all I can do is give her a smile and ask her politely to leave.
I've grown cold and her warmth does nothing for me  ,
Eyes filled with love but I can't reciprocate with even a hug .
I'm sorry can't describe what's going on just that I can no longer give it my all .
Wish I could wipe myself out of your memories
I'm not the guy you fell in love with I'm a shell that you have to put up with.
Don't tough it out it's not worth it.
What I'm doing is slowly moving on
I suggest you do the same
and I hope next time you think about me its just because you liked name..

I often contemplate
I weigh out the pros and cons
is it worth it?
The anguish,the pain
restless nights , Heavy thoughts
then again if it works
The tenderness,the joy
The peaceful nights ,the bliss
all up to me really
But I can't seem to understand what I have to do
Serenity seems like an impossible task and stability just seems like a myth
But I know I'm the captain it's my ship I'll go down with a smile and realize it was all worthwhile

sick to my stomach
everything I ever wanted
she's perfect
Knees buckled when she went for the door
all my mistakes finally spewed out on the floor
alone again with not a dime left
all because I refused to accept
It isn't even her fault I can't complain
brought my own world down
inflicted my own pain
Not a ******* i hate to feel this way
But if it means I'll make it through the night
well my thoughts might come out and play
No sense of direction
splash my face look up and there it is
The disappointing reflection.

Soft to the touch
Breath Taking
heart racing
smile to make me melt
eyes that hypnotize
I can't even keep eye contact with out a grin across my face
oh what it is to be crushed

It’s crumbling
Everything I work for
Gone
Ready for an oath of silence
Nothing left
Taking in every moment
Rather not waste my breath
Nothing to fear while I’m alone
There’s a beat still there if you can get past the stone

I would laugh but the pain isn't too bad
I would cry but the joke isn't funny anymore
I would think about it but the effort isn't worth it
And I would advise you but my words don't seem to ever stick
I Would like to share a memory but I feel that's all I am now.

Thinking  about it when it comes to women .
**** I love them all
Not in a way where just *** involved
More like everytime I see them I fall
A smile, a laugh or a touch
Just being in their presence makes a fella fall in love
**** heavenly creatures is what they really are
But the past truely makes them question my motives from a far
Trust me im not looking for a quick one in the back of my car
More like someone to just talk to and maybe heal up the scars
People can go ahead and tell you what I seek is a lie
But all those people walked a different path than mine
Cut from a different cloth
Ofcourse I am a man and I have my flaws
But believe me when I tell you
I don't go a day without thinking of you all
what it would be like to have dinner maybe even a call
or what it was like when we first talked
Memories are all I'll ever have and that's fine
I like to think I live like Johnny
But for all of you I'll walk the line

If you ever needed something to doubt
it's connections
Feeling uncertain
or mislead by the things being said
Is it a false sense of protection ?
we often romanticize our interactions with others
we forget the heart has it's needs
and it can deceive and project a false perception
The hunger to feed the brain outweighs any other need
But we keep it simple and let our insecurities take the lead
Moving foward with whatever feels safe
telling yourself you feel like you're  In a better state
some kind of comfort zone
did you ever stop and think it was never created on your own
everyone's been given a piece to hold
Unknowingly giving up the keys to your throne
Turn things around before it gets old
Be bold , go against all the lies you've been told
it's okay to be alone it's okay to be part of the unknown
Next time remind yourself of that when you feel the unwanted attention overflow
it might be that extra baggage you refuse to let go all because of that fear of someone saying I TOLD YOU SO

Beyond what I’m able to believe
I’d put down all bets that you might leave
Pushed past wanting to stay
Nothing left to claim
Only thing you can keep is what’s already engraved
Remember if you’d like
Moving on it’s a short time
With long roads and new lives

really don't know if she's got a thing for me
is it a slight crush or maybe it's growing
Eye contact always reveals what she feels
seems like she's intrested
Seems like I know what I think this is
or am I wrong to think like this?
Am I in the wrong if I maybe try for a kiss...
rather not kick myself after if it's a miss
or i might just a take a chance what's the worst that can happen alttile bit of fun and romance?

If life wasn’t meant to have meaning
You would be free of all emotion
Always searching for a hint
Maybe a hidden clue
A map towards your grand treasure
If you served no purpose
You would believe the doubts
The everyday struggle becomes serenity
Now that you’ve spent seconds pondering these words
Ask yourself..was it worth it? If so
You value your life
If not
Well it’s not a total loss because life has no meaning
Other than your own

No pain
No happiness
No calm
No emotion
You’re a human
Things only seem real
With time eventually you’ll die or heal

Like the first time
Always memorable
Nervous
Yet I can’t seem to stop
Your laughter ,your smile
Skipping a beat every time  I hear you talk
A grip on my strings
Pull away if you’d like
Or play a tune that sounds nice
Either way
I’ve got your attention
A chance
A second
No ego or pride
Just a crush
Maybe more over time
Cards on the table
Nothing to hide

I don’t believe in luck
Everything you do comes full circle
With that said
I owe you the world
Take my hand instead.

There’s moments we remember
There’s moments we never forget
There’s moments of silence ...
We wish we had
Death by stereo
Turn it down or give me death

They always tell you how you're supposed be
but they don't tell you what it takes to be like who you want to  be
The effort ,the sweat, the tears
heartbreak
to High Peaks
goals set but never reached
simple thoughts that never made it
Broken to being vindicated
The eyes can't see what's behind them foward is the only setting
tired of being trapped
needing to let go
of my breath holding it in just to see if I can still think cognitively
all these thoughts firing off all because well I simply just want to do me.

Tell me a story
Doesn’t have to be true
It could be a memory
Or maybe something about you
Give me a smile
I’d love to hear you laugh
Nothing in this world could compare
I treat every moment with you like it’s my only chance

Sit back
Set in
Contribute to the balance
Steady on a path
No leads to be exact
Just writing my own map
Many places to cross
There and back
Ever after sort of thing
Stroll on by it’s not yours
The world can only spin so much before you feel the ride.

Hard to ****
Hard to love
Hard for anyone
Hard to answer
All of the above

She reads all the signs with a glimmer of hope
And she walks down a path that feels safe yet unknown
The writing on the wall just becomes an aesthetic  
Thoughts heavy enough to make her put down her crown and adjust
Subversive when it comes to trying to make things change
but why all the constant efforts if things stay the same.
Reminder that the world once crumbled at your feet and like everything else it's forgotten just like lock on your wall that once required a key.

Dark skies
no signs
full moon next to it
my star
Bright as ever
The first to catch my eye
actually the first of the night
And the only one I care for
The rest don't have the same shine
so far from my reach
I can never really call it mine
I'll just sit back and enjoy the little time I get with it on rare nights

A Fear we never think about
Illogical till it happens
Sharks in the pool were always a thought
little did I know I would be able to relate
Deep dive  Six feet
drowning isn't an option or is it
no life guard on duty
shouldve paid attention to the signs
But maybe after my friends might actually visit
I float enough so I don't have to tread but the way **** is going
I Might just go off the deep end

Under my breath
Behind the grin
Distracted by a laugh
A tear on my cheek
The irony of asking your final words
No one ever knows the right thing to say.
Hopefully you remember that while marking a grave.