I look in the crowd
looking for someone to blame
in the distance I hear my name.

I look in my puddle of tears
drowning out the picture of who I should be
but in that mirror,
something shocking I see:
A  sad girl whose made bad choices in life
pointing the finger right at ME.

I wanted you
and hoped you wanted me too.

late nights imagining things I could do
to make you say hmmm, or maybe ooh

there was an inferno between my thighs
my volcano erupted into lava cries

when it was all over

I slept in that puddle of
rejection and ash

hoping this lonely hell
would not forever last.

monster in her eyes
melody in her cries
magic in her fears
madness in her ears
mute in her lips
music in her hips
man in her bed
mistakes is what she dreads

fathers day came
and I needed someone to blame
for my failed relationships
and my addiction to pain
all the men who were too blind to see!
my helpless, hopeless,
tragic beauty
beginning with the rejection from you dad-dy.

the only things I'm good at is
poetry
and making people smile!

But oh how my soul hurts at night

because I have yet to find
anyone to stay with me
a longer while....

I suffer in silence
I silence my tears
my tears choke my breath
the pain hurts like death
because I'm dying
and there is no one to help

How does one carry on,
when her strenght is gone?
I want to return home
but heaven has no phone
so I live another day---and die
praying to my deaf father
with my mute cries.