I lay down on my warm bed
In the wee early hours of night
Where my thoughts will fly
Towards the rebirth of natural light

I fidget as I wonder
And ponder, What, How, and Why
But truly it's no matter
For I never wanted Goodbye.

To the good times even the bad,
all memorable and cherish-able,
Such little time I selfishly carved from
The infinite levels of my past timetable

Such foolery was the past
A huge emphasis on was
Living in the now
Fighting for a cause

Nothing quite big
Not really impacting
But I missed it, this.
I missed this Befriending.

The Questions beg to differ,
Really it's my biggest regret
What I have done is nuclear
And recovery is a long way yet.

I ******* up and run after
Change. Understandably so,
if circumstances won't permit
I understand that life will go.

I wish to bandwagon
but seems like there's no space
Too late, I waited forever
Alas I am in haste.

Curious to where it goes,
plenty of forks down that road.
From oceans and seas, to forests and mountains,
I'll still go on, whether I carry a heavy load.

Surrounded by 3 walls,
he rose from his bed
and shuffled to the front
waiting to be fed

Against steel rod he clanged
routinely with his only ring,
a token from his previous life
one full of fame and bling.

But instead the floors opened
revealing a hole quite small
but enough to escape in
to his home in Montreal

His gut spoke and told him,
"Go! You finally have an opportune clearing"
But The Brain commanded,
"Stay with Know, fear Not Knowing."

I'm tired of hearing carcasses that spit out of mouths
I'm tired of baking outside, my feet fried to the cement
I'm tired of having to hide under a hood from humans
I'm tired of waiting for my birthday card every Christmas
I'm tired of having enough rest that my brain functions to tell me
*I'm *really tired

Tear down the crimson curtains and drape them over the sun
Snip the black sheet and let the moon filter its light.
Come, let us take our journey
On this broken path tiled with eighty rocks
Fifty pebbles, and dirt to cement in between
that is Weavingly Split.

Like a dream out of a fantasy novel,
how amazing is the Scenery?
Trees as small as our fingernail, grass as big as our forearms
or plants that waved as we walk past by.

Stopping to catch the lungs we left behind, CHANGE found us.
And in one tick, color became legend as Black and the White spread.
First. Everyone.
Finally. Everything.
Only to have realized that CHANGE, really, was your
Silence.


*Shhhh........

NO matter* what they say
the wheel will spin only one way.
Despite numerous patented attempts
I fail so I let it be
only for it to cut me.
At this point it's a choice
to wake up the next day.

I've dreamed of Irreplaceable
when the light is strong,
hoping when the blackout turns
I'd sleep on something else.

I need to escape my senses
and experience different sensations,
instead of water running through my fingertips
but acid in my veins;
Not soft dancing grass and flowers
or trees that cool me down,
but rocks and boulders who sharpen
and strip me of my flesh.

Seems like I'm on ADD
can't help but move around so much,
strap me down to the gurney
and tear open my painful chest.

I sat on the age worn bench
Steaming waffles on my hand
chocolate dripping down its side
in the middle of barren land.

Like a spotlight, my head
search out for living company
my neck swiveling
I found myself, myself only.

So my search went deep
to find something of want
in the middle of intense heat
where life isn't Daunt.

In my dark, blood vessels
I found satisfaction
from nowhere came
Busy Passion.

I'm an open book,
dusty, from waiting
for you to read me.

It's so hard to forget the pain
that is sourced inside my heart
when you also bring me
peace and joy.
Pain is addicting.

It's so hard to be honest
after all I've known is to pull up
the strings on both ends of my mouth
and smile so that whenever the doctor came he could say,
"Son, you're perfectly fine." (#AccordingToPlan)
I wanted to keep you smiling, no matter what.

It's so hard ******
to keep looking at you, knowing
life will or will not change
for better or worse.
No one can say for no one has the answer
to the future.
I cannot stay bitter or frustrated for more than a day.

It's so hard to release the pressure off my chest
like a gas tank relief valve
after all the emotions that have amassed
with no other option for alleviation until now.
Thank God for HP.

It's so hard, I feel left out
It's so hard to know what to do
It's so hard to let go,
*I think I'm in love with you.

They claim to strongly stand in what they believe
to set examples for strangers, like what I once was.
And I see them with their wide smiles and hearty laughs
So I approached them only to be hurt by their gaffs.

Oh my... I forgot 'twas their kind from before.
The kind that have hurt me, used me, lied to me,
insulted me, and act plastic to me when it is done.
I'm just an example of their aformentioned fun.

Opening my eyes
kills me on the inside
and it's my strength
to part my lips wide
that lurches me forward.

Opening my eyes
is like opening a dam
on the edge of a waterfall
but without any
water or life.

And for what?
*I. Don't. Know.

I've seen what lies behind Words,
how everyone has given life to them with the push of a button
and I've seen first hand what it's done to
Me.

I could feel the words drag my heart
deep into the fiery acids of my stomach.
Life screamed like a child,
running up and down my throat,
waiting for an inevitable accident.
My gut wrenching out the food I had for dinner
while strangers around me were screaming
frantically,
"Call a doctor! SOMEBODY!!!"

It's been ages since it last happened to me.
The pain never taught me well,
my heart never learned (it never does)
for once it is full
it never
ever
lets go-
      Having the peace of thought of having to look forward to
      hearing her mellow voice jazz up the morning
      seeing her beautiful smile radiate the darkest corners
      feeling her laughter massage the stress off my back
      smelling her fragrance chilling the goosebumps on my skin or
      tasting the freedom surrounded by her warm embrace

(Recalling these memories)
My heart rate further dropped
STILL
all my eyes could see was her face,
all my eyes could do was grasp whatever fragments remained as the vision of her drifted away
all my eyes could ever accomplish was blind my brain.

No one came back
No one came back
To help tend the Living Garden
That all you started in Day One

Soft, green, dancing grass
Tall, wide, shady trees
Cool, fresh, living air
Flowing, rich, clear water

All
This
Left
Behind…

But I thought we all were
Strung together no matter if
‘twas a tug or a yank
Lest it was a snip

‘Twas…

The past flashed before me:
Orange, Yellow, Green, White
THEN
Gray, Brown, Crimson, Black.

for What?

A garden hidden behind a hedge
with vines drooping down from trees
coupled with shoots, erected
like iron bars in a prison

Now only the X-ray can see
Through the denseness

Although
Does not the number of revolutions the hour hand's had have a
Say?

I 'm dreaming, wondering
if
you'll be crying
past my deathbed.

Get off my mind
I can't sleep at night
I've been staring into Space that reach as far as the constellations
only seeing you.

My imagination is playing tricks on me
running scene after scene of what could be.
Conscious or subconscious, your beauty
paralyzes whatever rationale part of my being is left.
We still have a long way to go...
*Please, don't leave

Let me lie on the bed-rock
And cradle all my toys
I don't wanna cross any boundaries
Of stout little boys.

Let me hold on to the darkness
push away the growing light
So don't tell me where, when you
Go left I will go right.

The past few days have been like
a storm inside my blood.
Bringing me up, taking me down
lemme write my heart out.

{chorus}
Weeks without a sight
I wanna know if you're all right
My mind cannot stop wandering
The empty halls of asking
The squirming's very stone wrecked
Oh the past, Deer, what the heck
Dunno why I am this; such a mystery
Is it so difficult to smilingly accept me?

It's a sunny bright afternoon
In a luscious forest of fear
Where rabbits why away
the Moment I draw near

{chorus}

I've run phones with no dialtone
and answered voices of No One
to have heard my neighbors cahtting
to the point their phone bills getting cut.

Oh days where have you gone
when you would have something doing
To keep my eyes off the sun, my ears to the moon
While my body rests in the state called Gloom
where paper is apparently predominant
and the letters I speak are air.
The effort that is cement
is a brittle bendy straw.

So come on, come all
Don't fear Speaking of the Truth
I have readily listened
since the Day began.
I fear this dark bottomless pit
that is split inter-twiningly.
How many a day has it been
since any Sound were heard?

I've fallen on my knees
and blood has spilled
and confusion has run 'round
uncertainty and whatnot but
feeling has never killed.

Days have gone
When the night's still young
My name is called
and it's time to be old

Sleep the rest off
Sync my heart to my mind
Let the boiling blood chill
Escape my life's thrill

Starve my stomach
of the food I crave
Drink water and satisfy
Addiction that's turned into lie

*The tingles are right every time
as I dive into my pool of Thought

Standing strong on the edge of a cliff,
She braves the blowing waves
Shoulders the crashing wind
Staves off the scorching moon
Basks in the pale sunlight

Her tendril feet will stand firm,
Her skeletal arms will dance,
Her hard, rough body will absorb every blast
As her crunchy, colorful hair ,
will eat up every last bit of light.

This tree is here
*to stay.

Multiply "Really" a million times
over and over,
I still cannot describe my
Hatred
for a field full of flowers
of different colors and species
and bees flying around, sharing pollen with everyone else
Giving life to Life and Growth.

Because in the midst of it all was me:
A STONE

                                                         *Alone
                                                         Left Out
                                                         Isolated.

Take me,
Take me back to that day
When those feet would spin
Like a flying dandelion
And those hands would dance
Like a branch dancing in the wind

But I fear,
I fear that would cause a pit
in my gut that would
Scream, Claw, Bite
wanting to come out to
release the anger and frustration
hidden behind these lined walls.

But I control,
I control the Sleeper hoping
that I would not experience such a thing.
So I cut the strings that held
these blinds that keep the light out
so there would be darkness
Forever.

Crimson trailed  Air,
who is warm and familiar.
Dripping on the clear blue skyline
Like tear drops, but gushing out
of a hole from Its side.
As he continues his journey,
the former will follow the
other way, 6 feet under.

When I look at you two
I don't like what I see
For enter my eyes
An eyesore of debris

I see nights where money is
spent on drinks, lights, and music
When you can be happy by
helping the needy and sick.

To make matters worse,
together you'll sleep.
As you failed your promise
One you swore to keep.

I owe nothing
for I've given more than I should
Days, Weeks, Months, Years.

So what need is there for you
to reimburse something that
Never. Was.

There will always be avenues
Glinting and freshly honed
Standing out in the dark for the
Vulnerability that you cant see.
Yet I go the same way
*everytime.