It's been weeks since I last recognized.
I haven't had a buddy sit across me
Enthusiastically chomping while moving his mouth.
Neither during times when I traverse stretches of land
Have I had a Second to push me along,
at the same time un-bore me.

Yet my problem's solution is simple:
GO out, OPEN the door, LET everyone in and everything out
But that
is not who I am.

It was a sunny bright day yet
I wore a trunk coat filled with holes,
boots that were about to rip off my feet,
and clothes underneath that were caked
with dirt from where we lived

My brazen face of dirt
with a bit of hope and love,
I walked in the grocery store
In all its 5 story glory manned by
Revolving glass doors and smiling attentive people

Only to be greeted with smiles that were wider (than normal)
as their widened eyes revealed
a scared and surprised Soul
fearful of
The Storm of my Past

As if on cue,
the burliest of shadows smacked me to the ground
with a thump like a delivery of a fresh sack of rice
Propping myself up, I was met with cold steel dark rings
that bound my skinny, bony wrists.

NO! NO! NO!
For the 10th of my daughter
A cold sweet treat
The last of its kind
in exchange for every possession in my being

What else is there I could ask for?


"Education has failed me, I've been locked up for a decade, my daughter hasn't spoken to me, I have asked for nothing but have received everything. Simplicity was all I wanted." -Diary of the Mistaken Man"

The clock strikes deep in the keep
As the ringing of bells invite me
To begin the walk up steps
with a 7 inch concrete seperation
and my fingers grip the rail just
as I reach the top, the door a foot away

Don't hold on, just let go
For a lighter tomorrow.
Fight the fight the fight
Whether you're wrong or right.
The battle or the war or the aftermath
You won't win, so lose to carve your path.
Streak the stars and part the seas,
Let your swag ripple the grass and trees.

The cold air bellows through the keyhole
and the light filters under its feet
the screams of anger tearing my clothes apart
What did I do to deserve this?

Pens clash with keypads
and papers duel with screens,
Time fights for its life
and the past re-surges to haunt me
While I cower behind fear
hiding from
the *future.

I'm tired of hearing carcasses that spit out of mouths
I'm tired of baking outside, my feet fried to the cement
I'm tired of having to hide under a hood from humans
I'm tired of waiting for my birthday card every Christmas
I'm tired of having enough rest that my brain functions to tell me
*I'm *really tired

Opening my eyes
kills me on the inside
and it's my strength
to part my lips wide
that lurches me forward.

Opening my eyes
is like opening a dam
on the edge of a waterfall
but without any
water or life.

And for what?
*I. Don't. Know.

Round and around
to the beat of the sound.
Smaller and smaller
circles bend together.

Words will go to war
The effect on me is bore.
Meaningless fighting
I end up laughing.

From correction publication
to abdominal muscle saturation,
I can't I can't, please I laugh,
my throat, my throat, it's like a giraffe.

Twenty five thousand, maybe a couple hundred,
the Wind puff on the roots, they're as good as dead,
bending towards the weight behind you,
giving within seconds too.

Rain, hail, sleet, and snow
Obviously no evidence of so called "Growth."
Not to mention impossible under
circumstances of watered fertilizer.

Now it's endless net jabbing
and a matter of quickly forgetting.
Living assignments, requirements, deadlines, and submission,
done for days, nothing left to say, I recluse to intermission.

As I lay in the Crimson Pool
Curled up from the Shock
Or from Wind so cool,

I heard all around me, Nothing
But just the regularity of life
Until I saw I figure bringing

A med pack, for I saw its red cross
The paramedic though stopped short
To help a little girl’s cut caused by… lip gloss?

He then proceeded to help the
Person with a cold who stood
Just a couple feet from me

Then turned away, presumably going
Back home to his family and friends
As everyone keeps normally living.

So what happened to I?
Am still here floating in yonder,
Though those who closely stood by,

Can’t say for sure nor make a hypothesis
For they all stood to leave like
A wind tailing the breeze.

Tear down the crimson curtains and drape them over the sun
Snip the black sheet and let the moon filter its light.
Come, let us take our journey
On this broken path tiled with eighty rocks
Fifty pebbles, and dirt to cement in between
that is Weavingly Split.

Like a dream out of a fantasy novel,
how amazing is the Scenery?
Trees as small as our fingernail, grass as big as our forearms
or plants that waved as we walk past by.

Stopping to catch the lungs we left behind, CHANGE found us.
And in one tick, color became legend as Black and the White spread.
First. Everyone.
Finally. Everything.
Only to have realized that CHANGE, really, was your
Silence.


*Shhhh........

I lay down on my warm bed
In the wee early hours of night
Where my thoughts will fly
Towards the rebirth of natural light

I fidget as I wonder
And ponder, What, How, and Why
But truly it's no matter
For I never wanted Goodbye.

To the good times even the bad,
all memorable and cherish-able,
Such little time I selfishly carved from
The infinite levels of my past timetable

Such foolery was the past
A huge emphasis on was
Living in the now
Fighting for a cause

Nothing quite big
Not really impacting
But I missed it, this.
I missed this Befriending.

The Questions beg to differ,
Really it's my biggest regret
What I have done is nuclear
And recovery is a long way yet.

I ******* up and run after
Change. Understandably so,
if circumstances won't permit
I understand that life will go.

I wish to bandwagon
but seems like there's no space
Too late, I waited forever
Alas I am in haste.

Curious to where it goes,
plenty of forks down that road.
From oceans and seas, to forests and mountains,
I'll still go on, whether I carry a heavy load.

I sat on the age worn bench
Steaming waffles on my hand
chocolate dripping down its side
in the middle of barren land.

Like a spotlight, my head
search out for living company
my neck swiveling
I found myself, myself only.

So my search went deep
to find something of want
in the middle of intense heat
where life isn't Daunt.

In my dark, blood vessels
I found satisfaction
from nowhere came
Busy Passion.

Surrounded by 3 walls,
he rose from his bed
and shuffled to the front
waiting to be fed

Against steel rod he clanged
routinely with his only ring,
a token from his previous life
one full of fame and bling.

But instead the floors opened
revealing a hole quite small
but enough to escape in
to his home in Montreal

His gut spoke and told him,
"Go! You finally have an opportune clearing"
But The Brain commanded,
"Stay with Know, fear Not Knowing."

I 'm dreaming, wondering
if
you'll be crying
past my deathbed.

Let me lie on the bed-rock
And cradle all my toys
I don't wanna cross any boundaries
Of stout little boys.

Let me hold on to the darkness
push away the growing light
So don't tell me where, when you
Go left I will go right.

The past few days have been like
a storm inside my blood.
Bringing me up, taking me down
lemme write my heart out.

{chorus}
Weeks without a sight
I wanna know if you're all right
My mind cannot stop wandering
The empty halls of asking
The squirming's very stone wrecked
Oh the past, Deer, what the heck
Dunno why I am this; such a mystery
Is it so difficult to smilingly accept me?

It's a sunny bright afternoon
In a luscious forest of fear
Where rabbits why away
the Moment I draw near

{chorus}

I've run phones with no dialtone
and answered voices of No One
to have heard my neighbors cahtting
to the point their phone bills getting cut.

Oh days where have you gone
when you would have something doing
To keep my eyes off the sun, my ears to the moon
While my body rests in the state called Gloom
where paper is apparently predominant
and the letters I speak are air.
The effort that is cement
is a brittle bendy straw.

So come on, come all
Don't fear Speaking of the Truth
I have readily listened
since the Day began.
I fear this dark bottomless pit
that is split inter-twiningly.
How many a day has it been
since any Sound were heard?

I've fallen on my knees
and blood has spilled
and confusion has run 'round
uncertainty and whatnot but
feeling has never killed.

Days have gone
When the night's still young
My name is called
and it's time to be old

Sleep the rest off
Sync my heart to my mind
Let the boiling blood chill
Escape my life's thrill

Starve my stomach
of the food I crave
Drink water and satisfy
Addiction that's turned into lie

*The tingles are right every time
as I dive into my pool of Thought

I'm an open book,
dusty, from waiting
for you to read me.

They claim to strongly stand in what they believe
to set examples for strangers, like what I once was.
And I see them with their wide smiles and hearty laughs
So I approached them only to be hurt by their gaffs.

Oh my... I forgot 'twas their kind from before.
The kind that have hurt me, used me, lied to me,
insulted me, and act plastic to me when it is done.
I'm just an example of their aformentioned fun.

No one came back
No one came back
To help tend the Living Garden
That all you started in Day One

Soft, green, dancing grass
Tall, wide, shady trees
Cool, fresh, living air
Flowing, rich, clear water

All
This
Left
Behind…

But I thought we all were
Strung together no matter if
‘twas a tug or a yank
Lest it was a snip

‘Twas…

The past flashed before me:
Orange, Yellow, Green, White
THEN
Gray, Brown, Crimson, Black.

for What?

A garden hidden behind a hedge
with vines drooping down from trees
coupled with shoots, erected
like iron bars in a prison

Now only the X-ray can see
Through the denseness

Although
Does not the number of revolutions the hour hand's had have a
Say?

When I look at you two
I don't like what I see
For enter my eyes
An eyesore of debris

I see nights where money is
spent on drinks, lights, and music
When you can be happy by
helping the needy and sick.

To make matters worse,
together you'll sleep.
As you failed your promise
One you swore to keep.

Take me,
Take me back to that day
When those feet would spin
Like a flying dandelion
And those hands would dance
Like a branch dancing in the wind

But I fear,
I fear that would cause a pit
in my gut that would
Scream, Claw, Bite
wanting to come out to
release the anger and frustration
hidden behind these lined walls.

But I control,
I control the Sleeper hoping
that I would not experience such a thing.
So I cut the strings that held
these blinds that keep the light out
so there would be darkness
Forever.

Standing strong on the edge of a cliff,
She braves the blowing waves
Shoulders the crashing wind
Staves off the scorching moon
Basks in the pale sunlight

Her tendril feet will stand firm,
Her skeletal arms will dance,
Her hard, rough body will absorb every blast
As her crunchy, colorful hair ,
will eat up every last bit of light.

This tree is here
*to stay.

There will always be avenues
Glinting and freshly honed
Standing out in the dark for the
Vulnerability that you cant see.
Yet I go the same way
*everytime.

Crimson trailed  Air,
who is warm and familiar.
Dripping on the clear blue skyline
Like tear drops, but gushing out
of a hole from Its side.
As he continues his journey,
the former will follow the
other way, 6 feet under.

I owe nothing
for I've given more than I should
Days, Weeks, Months, Years.

So what need is there for you
to reimburse something that
Never. Was.