i see the snow fall,
like the tears from my eyes.
i hear your voice,
like i hear the wolves at night.

i started talking to someone new.
oddly enough, he's just like you.
he's tall and he sings,
and his eyes are blue.
but he's nothing like you.

he checks up on me,
and makes sure i'm okay.
he calls me his light and i call him mine,
and with him i know i'll be just fine.

i used to stay up with you and listen to music.
those songs would vary from sad to happy,
from in love to out of love.
one of our favorite albums was by a band
called mayday parade.
the album was titled "monsters in the closet".

we would always joke about real monsters
and you said you would always protect me.
unfortunately, you became the monster.
not in the closet but in my mind.
you take over and make yourself at home.
it's like i'm helpless.

all i think about is you.

is that what you wanted?
you wanted to get inside my head
and destroy me from the inside?

all i think about is you.

your lips on my skin,
the marks you left.
the ones that fade
and the ones i wish had stayed.

all i think about is you.

how do you protect me from
yourself?
why did it always feel like
i was the one that had to save you
from myself?

you were the monster.

My house
Your house
Their house

I have no house
Sleeping under a sky
Clouds flying by

Have no walls
I see it all

Stormy nights
Endless days

My house is their house
I have no house

There's no floor
Trying to hold steady
Feeling so heavy

Breathing in the fog
I don't want to lose sight
What's mine
Is yours

No longer mine anymore

Feels like I never left
I know that at the end of the street lights
You get closer

She had galaxies
In her eyes
And her tears
Were falling stars.

today is your birthday.
a year ago today we were on the phone,
at this exact time.
5:00am.
we had been talking since 9pm,
but time flies when you're having fun,
or in my case,
when you're in love.
i remember exactly what we talked about.
how much my parents loved you,
and how much your mom loved me.
how badly we wanted to have our families meet.
and how bad we had always wanted to go to florida.
together.
or go to universal studios
and take pictures in front of hogwarts.

yesterday i watched your instagram story.
and guess where you were?
in front of the hogwarts castle.
i know i can't be mad
or shocked that i wasn't invited.
you're touring with your new best friends.
meeting more people.
more girls.
prettier than me.
better than me.

however, we exchanged our first words in months.
i snapchatted you to say
happy birthday. a civil thing.
i didn't think you would answer,
so it nearly gave me a heart attack when your name popped up.

"thank you so much, lex. miss you."
that's all you said,
followed by a yellow heart.

i know you don't miss me,
and that was all out of pity.
maybe you want to feel better about leaving me behind.
maybe you know how badly i'm hurting.
but,
maybe you might actually miss me too.
i doubt it though.

boys like you don't love
girls like me.

boys like you don't kiss
girls like me.
not anymore at least.