***** you emotionally
Because you ******* me physically

Bang you with a hammer
Because you did the same to me

******* and your life
Because you ****** up mine

Sleep all alone
Like you never let me sleep

Take your deceit a different way

Long gone
A lone stone
Waves so wild and wet
But you have seen nothing yet
My hands shake in desperation
For a world without any preparation
I hold my head up to the crying skies to see
My feet stand still but my heart wishes to flee
I wait in silence and dread the doom
Trying to see through the gloom
A quaking heart with veins
Terrible shaken names
We speak riddles
And stop
Wait

Look at the clock

I am like an alzeimer's patient
you can tell me everyday you love me
but by tomorrow I will forget
I am like an asthma patient
you can kiss me a million times
but I still find it hard to breathe
I am like a epileptic patient
you can hold me for forever
and I will still shake and tremble
I am like a diabetic patient
you can be so sweet to me
by tomorrow I will be in shock
I am like an amputee
you can break my heart
but I will still survive
I am like a cancer patient
you take my insides out
and I will still last a little longer
I am mentally retarted
because no matter how much I love you today
I still believe you say you love me more
two plus two is four
but you plus me is more

I have a heart
Like a child’s skinned knees
You may ground me
But the pavement
Makes me bleed
There is no memory
Behind my glass eyes
They are hollow
Empty, and void

I remember a rainy day
You told me you were hungry
I broke my heart in half
Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Cut of the crusts
We sat on the couch in silence
Nibbling away at all the love I had to give

If I could only feel safe one place I would ask for it to be my mind.

September 22, 2020

July 28, 2021
For so long I have felt like I am falling asleep.

October 5, 2021, 10:54
Have I been such a stranger to peace my whole life that when she comes to settle, I do not know her face?

You said you would chose me
Above all else
You swore to protect me
With every breath

But I am beneath
And you do not breath

So we are left
With a house
Divided against itself
And a city
Torn apart from the inside

The gates are broken down
And trust has left all of our hearts

But the Lord he is faithful
To renew all spirits
And so I place my confidence
In him alone

For he has never failed
Anyone before
He has never left
Any of his children
Alone.
On the battlefield

So I call
Upon his name
And he answers;
My daughter,
I have walked this road
My child,
I am beside you still
I am your strength
In this dark hour
I give you rest
Drink if my living water

To confide in the King
And stand in his presence
Humbled by his grace
And blessed by his hand
And he speaks to me;
Oh child, I did not spill
The blood of my son in vain
It was for you
It has payed the way

So now I claim
All victory in Christ
Because what sweat of the brow
Or toil and trouble
Or earthy treasures
Of foolish hope
Or love of flesh

Can ever contend with
Or ever fulfill

The promises of God.

Pinned to the cross
Nailed to Gates of hell
For death is fleeting
And sin all done in vain
For a mortal man
Who's home is heaven

Oh saint, take your place
At the foot of the throne
For peace is found
In heaven your home

How does one
Unburden the body of sins

I do not know
If the waves love or hate the shore
I can only perceive
Have you dived
Into your own depths
What did you find
In the murky waters
Or did you back away
From the shadows
Of your own darkness
To look inward
Is to have open eyes

Our perceptions are flawed in this
That we will look with our eyes
Listen with our ears, for even the quietest whisper
Yet we do not do the same with our hearts
To find colors in words spoken with a trembling breath
With the sobs hidden in the laughter we so quickly discard
Oh dreamer, let your pride pass
That you would see all things come to pass

I melt down your body like wax
It is a painful descent
And a slippery *****
I made the mistake
Of crawling inside your head
I can never look you in the eyes again
For when I was behind your sockets
Sweat marathoning down my temples
I saw things no man should see
It was beyond me
And now this evil
It is a part of me

What have I become

please

Please help me.

To see is to know
Though believing is another thing
And that changes naught
And I have seen
Oh I have seen
More than my eyes were meant for
Is this why I am cast away?
Is this why I'm a castaway?

I have lost all composure
And my solutions worth as much as the pennies in my pockets

Still I melt
And my wick grows shorter
As does my stamina
I am a wretch
And still it would be a mercy
To pull my eyes out through my skull
And let them rot in the sunlight
Even this is better than the dragons
Reigning fire in my mind

The earth
She would swallow me whole
Oh that she would eat me up in a moment
Rid me of this meandering
Take me from this hell
Still I wander
Though I lack perception
Still I tread on
Blind, foolish one that I am

Deep calls to deep
Do you truly not hear me
I have been silent for so long
Drifting apart
We ran parallel once
Thin white lines on the horizon
We burned out like space junk
Not shooting stars
Or candle flames or time
It seems we hold nothing forever
Whatever passes through
Our empty hands try to grasp
Seems so permanent
Are we this disillusioned
Perhaps it was just water
Perhaps we never held love for each other
Perhaps it was currents pulling us along
Perhaps we knew it would end
Because there was no true substance
Perhaps we called out to the depths
They answered us with the sound of our own name
And we were much too afraid to hear it
Let me go, we are above this, it has gone out with the height of the tide

When you are on the shore
The water seems to go on forever

I water the dead flowers of our love
Maybe dying was given to us
So we could learn how to love

We bloom every spring
But the winter is still hard

I don't know what love is anymore
But I do know it hurts

Dead polaroids
For a photographic memory
Looking for the bigger picture
Beauty is in the the beholder of the lense

I have dug graves
In my own backyard
Burying bodies
Where flowers refuse to grow
I came to these shores
Long ago
Soil dreams in earthen pots
Petals looking for a new sun
Crave the light
Do not fear the darkness

Winter has come to me
I pray spring for you
Pastel cherry blossoms

Do you mistake me for your mother
A body
A house you can crawl back into
Begging on all fours

I am raw
Heart in hand
Planting my seeds in rocky soil
Barren of love

I'm begging you
Wait as long as you can
To fall in love with me
Tread slowly

I am not a drop
I am deep water
Gentle depths
Pouring into you

Being your light was hard
I fed my disappointments to pyromaniacs
Itching to strike matches against your spine
Breathing, into your hair
Begging, light me up
When my light finally does fade
Remember me
As the dirt under your nails
Sprinkle it on my grave
Along with your tears
This is goodbye

Hey!

You.

I don't know what you are thinking about.

But if it's self destructive, please don't.

Why?

Because I've been there, and I know that is the darkest pit of all, and it seems as though you can never get out.

But I'm still here, and I think you should stay.

I am here for you, even if no one else is.

Bless you my friend.

Xoxo

I want to feel good again, young
Summer skin
Clean linens
Hot dripping honey
I want to feel
Like I did with you
When we were children
In the garden
Green on the vine
Glass eyes to a blue sky
Not a cloud in sight

I thought I would write you a poem
But my emotions found their own words
From my lips to yours

If I cannot write
I think I am broken
How terrible the plight
Of a flightless bird
This is my solemn resolution
Against the quiet of my mind
Where will my anger go now
How will I find peace
My lips unable to soldier on
Without words to mark their feats

I wish my words could sing to your soul
And these lines to pierce your heart
Of atleast they would hold your attention
And love your memory
Because from one heart to another
A kiss upon the cheek
I don't know what to write
That's why I cry at your feet

go ahead and read, and then go ahead and write
put down your words, before you forget them tonight
don't keep them in your head, let them bleed into paper
write them down, and breathe them life from their maker
let the poets curse do it's work, and let it take rage
and the words let loose, boom across each fragile page
keep your words in fear ,of the hungry flames
don't let them know your lovers endless names
plural singularities and gentle rebukes
you dare not share them lest they learn refute
bind them, a slave, to a dreamer's soul
find them split and make them whole
learn their true names and wield the power
to read the poems, until the last dark hour

Maybe one of us writes greater than the other
Yet we feel no deeper
We are all just at the bottom
Scrambling for the words to fill the cracks in ourselves
Telling the others
That's how the light gets in

To romanticize it
I was your poison, kryptonite

Feeling out my way through this world
Not much better than blindness
How will I know
When you're bluffing
Still, I fold
Into the night

How many secrets can you fit between the walls in your house?
How many lies can you drown down the drain?
How many tears can you capture inside a broken glass bottle?

Will you let it be told, could you ever let it go?
Is this a beginning? an end? or will you fold?

I do the day wrong
And the night right

Just to see the stars
For we die without light

Don't want to rush any moment
Or try to stop the time

But I love the rush of life
We don't color in the lines

We drive between
Yet we cannot be confined

Always looking out
But we avoid the signs

We will figure it out
Do you want to make it work

I look at you
But you just smirk

I love the lines
That trace your face

I hope you never ever find
Someone worth taking my place

To sometimes be apart
But never be separate

What it takes I have to give
But you are temperate

Earthly and wreathed in shadow
In the world ever depth of darkness

Let the fire breathe into you
Make you more, never less

From the sky you fell
To this humble
And earthly hell

To the water
You began to swim
Like a naiads daughter

From my lips
The worlds fall
Unbidden like a kiss

Like gentle rain
You turn into a storm
And bring much pain

I watch you roll
Across the sky
Taking toll

On earth and heaven
But as you thunder
You miss the chevon

You hunger and thirst
But you lack love
Which is worst

An angry hand
Raised to the high places
You no longer command

You fell to my home
And you cry
But you are not alone

Though you know
You will never return
You must go

Fairwell demon friend
When you find home
A postcard send

It wouldn't **** me
If you left
I wouldn't die
If you moved on
The thought of it
Is torture
But I refuse to be
A prisoner of war

All your dreams gather like shadows
For they love the dark, and all she holds
Her wings are fire, so bright she burns
Like hot coals she kisses, and she yearns
Closer still, to the tempting burn
Some are smart, some never learn
She calls to you a nightly ordeal
By emotions, oh fool that you feel
Safer still, so far from her reach
But Night, she falls within reach
Only to take, never to teach
Sleep oh dreamer, while you may
I lay awake, I watch, and I pray

I am sure by now
Heaven finds my voice all too familiar

I will die tonight
As I have done before
Still I must remember
To say my prayers
For tomorrow is a new day
Bathed in new light
I could not bear
To tarnish her
With the memory of my sins