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3h · 33
Retograde
Lexie 3h
Am I truly this gentle
To let all things pass
I will not lean my will against yours
Will not turn my face from your sun
Yet the shadows pass across my skin
Perhaps I should have remained silent
Inquisition my great folly
Will this change us like seasons
Again and again I have returned
There is no change in the weather
No straight and narrow to wander
Philosophies spew from my finger tips
I touched you once
I fear it will not be the same
Have we changed so quickly
Here in this moment
Not yet bereft of the last
Lingering like your touch on my skin
I am not held to this
Not truly released
Not halfway vacant
Not completely full
Time will quench me
As we once did thirst together
In the dessert
Must 40 years pass
Before you dare lick milk and honey
From my fingers
Let the taste settle in the corners of your mouth
On the back of your tongue
I told you I was human
I told you I was a liar
But not a fool
All is well
There is no anger here
No pain
No paper fingers withdrawing into their sheaths
I will face you still
There is no shame here
Unless you bring it
Were you always this quiet
Bait my breathe
I will swallow your words hook, line, sinker
It is food for my soul
Draw me to you
I am the soft lines on black paper
Nothing but shadows
Am I tangible to you
Or do we pass through each others ghosts
What was
Is no more
We are slipping
Traction is temporary
We were falling
Nothing is certain
Only the end
1d · 34
Forget
Lexie 1d
You have no power here
I thought we were too gentle for anger
Too old for foolishness
Too tender to spear our words against each other
Who has been guarding you
For all this time
What did you fear would come for you
When you said you were waiting for me
Let the little things go
Let the sun go down
Be it on your anger
Be it coming through the windows
Gentle on the skin of love in the shadows
We are hollow bodies
Pouring out small victories
Waging small wars
There are no gates here
Blank paper skin
Traced with graphite fingertips
God told me you were human
I believed him
What does that make me
Are we not beyond this
The moment it is lived
Are we not so small in this world
Smaller to the expanse of the universe
Tiny in his hands as a grain of sand
Will you wash with me
Saltwater will unburden us
Currents will take us further
Pulling our love thin as a spiders web
We hung once
Participles in the air
Thick and humid and heavy
I will remember us as such
I will remember
2d · 8
Radiate
Lexie 2d
The weakness is spreading
Like water from the Nile in spring
The soil is dark like bark under moss covered trees
Are you lost here
Releasing your strength into the atmosphere
Fixate on me
The tension between us taught
Suspension of the earth in its own gravity
We are moving in our own orbit
Everything beyond us mythology
Everything behind us history
This moment piercing, rushing
It feels like salvation
Have you felt this way before
The fluid energy of humanity
Ripe fruit in the garden
Would not draw me in like you
Would not fortify
My chest rises, stamina falls
Hyperventilate
Yet, I am calm
If I stayed in this moment
Separate it from my other thoughts
Bitter vinegar taste pickling my tongue
Consumed
Will you wonder with me
As the world ages
We sit here young and younger
Heat stamps on the hill in the dark
7d · 29
Old Friend
Lexie 7d
I know you are not doing well.

I can feel it.

My heart swelling even over this distance.

Even after all this time.

I am not in a position for asking.

But, please, tell of the spring when it comes like you promised.

You need not remember me, if it brings you pain please scour it from your thoughts.

Allow me to keep you, as you were, the words of a bubbling brook and the eyes of a summer sky.

Your name has changed and mine has too.

Is the world kinder to you yet?

Beyond the capacity I held for it.

I remember before we were strangers but never before we were friends.

I have not lost love for you.

Though I am much further now.

God be with you, bless you, keep you, in the ways I could not.
For Tessa
Nov 21 · 74
Spark
Lexie Nov 21
I can be honest
About everything
Except my feelings towards you
I could spin you
Word woven tapestries
About the way
The moon stirs my heart
But may God lean against
What stirs for you in me
This gentle hunger
The weak spot in my throat
Time moves sideways
Breathe baits
Catching on the last lingering hope
That you would burn for me
Nov 14 · 86
Poker Face
Lexie Nov 14
Feeling out my way through this world
Not much better than blindness
How will I know
When you're bluffing
Still, I fold
Into the night
As you are Stranger.
Nov 14 · 46
For Granted
Lexie Nov 14
You, who I once found comforting
Now curate such opposite energy
What are you holding
Not in your empty hands
But inside
Where my stomach would be churning
If I spoke the way you spoke
Nov 10 · 51
Perceive
Lexie Nov 10
I do not know
If the waves love or hate the shore
I can only perceive
Have you dived
Into your own depths
What did you find
In the murky waters
Or did you back away
From the shadows
Of your own darkness
To look inward
Is to have open eyes
Nov 10 · 44
Coming On Strong
Lexie Nov 10
I want to know you
I learned your middle name yesterday
I want to hear about your day but get distracted because I am lost in the sound of your voice
I want to see myself through your eyes because they are kinder, gentler, more patient
I want to feel my skin under your hands because it is softer, smoother, more tangible
I cannot bear to show you my tears because God forbid you would look on me with kindness and I would know it for the first time
I am afraid as you listen when I talk you will only hear my words and not the heart I hold for you beneath
I want to press my body into yours until the tiny pores of your skin open up and let me in
I want to trace my nails along the contours of your spine and feel your long breath go out with the stress of the day
You have a scar above your eyebrow, I know how it got there
I want to watch the lines on your face as you ripen into old age
I want to know what quickens your heart
What slows your breath
What fills your thoughts
What empties your eyes of their joy
My ears hear no other voice as gently as they do yours
So whisper to me in the dark
That I can stay with you
Until the light returns
Nov 6 · 42
Solvent
Lexie Nov 6
When we are done here
I will save the parts of us
That make beautiful fiction
I do not always want to acknowledge
The unhealed parts of my self
That seep into my clear waters
I do not expect you
To kneel at my muddy banks
And drink
Know that I would see you quenched
Not thirst
How long will the threshing floor turn
While I wait hungry
For the grain to separate
From my sins
Oct 29 · 75
Down
Lexie Oct 29
I know sadness doesn't make you feel full
But it's one hell of a completeness
Oct 28 · 65
(as is)
Lexie Oct 28
is anyone more predictable than a poet
Oct 28 · 62
Safe Haven
Lexie Oct 28
The light bends a little
When we come to this place in the middle
Your safe place is a little to the left
I run to you just a little bit West
I seek you out in the in between
Breathing in sweet and musky, ethene
My soft hands against yours
Water splashing against iron rod
While I wait for my sins
To climb their way up to God
Oct 28 · 55
Unrefined
Lexie Oct 28
lean in to me
seal my mouth
with your wax kiss
I will not part
promising nothing
to these days
though they expect much
of my unrefined soul
Oct 28 · 53
Challenge
Lexie Oct 28
My greatest struggle of humanity is this;
That we must wage our minds against what they are unwilling to relinquish. Where we go, the mind leads and all the unredeemed will follow.
Oct 28 · 566
Rust
Lexie Oct 28
in the matters of what I have done
no other holds higher guilt

in the matters of love and trust
forgive me until I am barren of innocence
Oct 15 · 86
Sun Flares
Lexie Oct 15
Do you change shape to
Slipping through these days
Liquid dreamer
Faulty against lines in the sand
You have eight faces on a round head
Only irony would permit
Octagon facets of your expression
To reflect one another
If the earth could talk
Oh the stories she would spew
Perhaps she is the only true triumphant
Yet we press against her
Resisting the way she would show us
All the love she has given
Yet, race to the moon
Love to the blue stars in the black skies
Will we tarnish them too
When we reach where their light touches
Paying no respects, giving no courtesy
To light beyond our own
We are never satisfied, never happy
With where we are
We hate the journey, fear the end
Desire to burn so bright
Pushing the super in supernova past our thermosphere
When no one in this solar system cares
And as if any creature, animal, or vegetable
In the next solar system can see your flares
When nothing matters
What do you do
How will you burn
When the exosphere will one day pull to earth
Every atom we are composed of splits
Phosphate and nitrogen sin against each other
As if it was their first day in the garden
Knowing, time is our only true forbidden fruit
Oct 6 · 51
Tender One
Lexie Oct 6
you are green now
changing color, healing
I am not the same
won't say I've changed
we named each other once
I think I am finding my light again
I pray you are not heavy hearted
Oct 6 · 27
Synapses
Lexie Oct 6
My constant
    Is filling the space
              Over the edge

Right before it clicks that I should be afraid I am falling
Oct 6 · 53
Weary
Lexie Oct 6
Where do the gentle go
When they are weary
I have been here far too long
Oct 6 · 153
Eve
Lexie Oct 6
Eve
Because nature was divided in two
Each piece seeks the other half

All along the completeness was within me
My pieces are wolves, and
so the restlessness is my equilibrium
Oct 6 · 56
Cold
Lexie Oct 6
Who am I to say that I'm alive
I felt close to death before
Pulled nearer and nearer
I have slipped away since then
Fear for the end, and
Reality of life
May charge their forces
With no avail against me
What will sway me
When I have seen the end
And made a new beginning
Oct 6 · 47
I wonder.
Lexie Oct 6
Who do memories belong to?

Besides, they are never the same.
From day to day or eye to eye.
Oct 6 · 32
Turmoil
Lexie Oct 6
The spoon-colored light of the stars bright
Against the lacking of moon
Your cotton ball words soaking
Every lazy river thought in my head

This is the love they spoke of
In the books of the bible
On the walls in the bathroom
In hushed ancient whispers
Carried on the sands of time

Why do you choose to know me now
Turn my leather-bound pages

I have always felt love
Was a delicate thing
How can I abandon my strength
For man or weakness
Oct 6 · 37
Blueberry
Lexie Oct 6
Will you write my memories
In a bold font
Curate my remembrance of you
Sweet as the honey it is
Lexie Oct 6
When I opened my eyes
I saw fire in you
You were made of glass

Have I been sleeping this eternity away
Looking for good in glass people
To know it burns within me

We were nothing before this
Your soul lost in something other than space
Did you know you would have to make purpose here
Find meaning

I do not know of your age
I have been practicing immortality
As long as I have been alive

It's all questions and lies
Pain and goodbye
Bittersweet flavor always stays
In the pockets of my mouth

Do you ever take a break from aging
Letting the child within fill the space
This is their home too
Before you
And whatever you call advanced consciousness

Can you in honesty call it advanced
If joy has not lingered
With the accumulation of wisdom
Perhaps we have learned nothing at all

I feed neither of my wolves
Let them hunt if they hunger
Oct 6 · 130
Peace
Lexie Oct 6
July 28, 2021
For so long I have felt like I am falling asleep.

October 5, 2021, 10:54
Have I been such a stranger to peace my whole life that when she comes to settle, I do not know her face?
I had to change my vocabulary, from "I'm bored" to "I am at peace."
Oct 6 · 34
Crude Hunger
Lexie Oct 6
Feast on my emptiness
Then neither of us will be satiated
Jul 20 · 413
Angst
Lexie Jul 20
Endings are as neutral as change in the weather

Winter always comes around eventually
Jul 20 · 67
Blue Lavender
Lexie Jul 20
You can see bruises
Ripening on my apple skin

I don't want you to recognize them
If you placed your palms against them
Would they fit like key-in-lock

We all have our own unique fingerprints
Mine are frost bitten
Jul 20 · 47
Fragment
Lexie Jul 20
Do not betray the love of a broken heart
Where will it go when you break it
Jul 20 · 39
TW: SH
Lexie Jul 20
I want to stab a ball point pen into the soft part of my wrist
Pull it upwards through my arm until it hits the shoulder
I feel the urge
The need to let something out
I want to feel open
Jun 15 · 60
Perspective
Lexie Jun 15
When you are on the shore
The water seems to go on forever
Jun 15 · 223
Silenced
Lexie Jun 15
Knowledge is the great plunderer of youth
Intuition was a better friend
She knew before she was told
Have you never felt fire of life in your belly
Glass stars in your fingertips

Immaturity lacks discretion
Here we are silent, void of words
This truly is enough
If you let it be
As you are stranger
Jun 15 · 46
Alley
Lexie Jun 15
These men are ghosts
Repossessing my body
Jun 15 · 42
Absence
Lexie Jun 15
You fit religion into my mouth like a metal fillings
Before my tongue even learned the curvature of my own name
My thoughts hold no inkling apart from that which you bound to me
Such as I am empty
Fill me up, with no doubt for my cracks and chips
I am a humble vessel
Jun 15 · 43
Temple (pt. 6)
Lexie Jun 15
If my body is a temple
As those who worship
The god of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob profess
Then there is blood on the walls
If it is a temple
Who is it devoted to
Who will be the sacrificial lamb

I cannot be both temple and offering
Jun 15 · 42
Outgrown
Lexie Jun 15
You grow inside out
Out growing your skin
Like a snake sheds its corn husk past life

I outgrew myself
My passions, honesty and hope
Like a bomb in a building counts down to ten fastest
And is in an instant expired

When we are older
We will age like weeds in flower boxes on the third story
We will taste the rain before the surface of the earth
And we will dry out from the touch of the sun
Remembering how gently we craved for shade
Jun 15 · 39
The Narrative
Lexie Jun 15
The weight of time gets heavier if you let it
Said I love you, don't know if I meant it
I wait in the soil, like fresh turned grass
Holding my breath, hoping this will pass
Each passing moment is worse
But nothing truly hurts
I've heard your body does not remember pain
That it forgets it as quickly as it passed
If it is not pain then how do I know you
How do I remember
More than that, how do I let go
Jun 15 · 55
Tiring
Lexie Jun 15
You say sleep when we're dead
I'm tired now
Lexie Jun 15
i. you to explain your anger

ii. you to slip slivers of ice
between the stacking of my spine
so that when I shiver it feels like an icicle shattering

iii. my tongue to remember your name so well, but unable to speak it for fear that it would be a potent spell and conjure out of the air

iv. you to tell me I'm pretty as if I didn't not already know

v. you to hold the gold of my heart as the highest currency, a debt paid against myself with every act of true self or kindness

vi. you to linger here like the taste of licorice and tobacco
Jun 15 · 34
Autumn
Lexie Jun 15
What secrets does the carcass of summer divulge
None greater than the barren skeleton of trees can disguise
Jun 15 · 118
Vacant
Lexie Jun 15
The magic in the trees is aging
Though differently than I
Jun 15 · 28
Closing Doors
Lexie Jun 15
I find no comfort
In the muteness of my thoughts
Silence goes before me
Bringing nothing back
Are my words
No longer my own
Soft at a fresh day
With not a single light shone
Jun 15 · 19
Flaking
Lexie Jun 15
here we are again
face to sky
with a full wolf moon

i don't know this road
the journey all to familiar
as the grains of sand under your nails
after a day clawing at the ocean

do you hear the depths roar
or does she whisper to you
i faintly remember her voice

when i am high in the mountains
call out to me
like i wish you would

i have only now
learned of my brokenness
i have only now learned
of things beyond my knowledge

how many times
must i admit my fault
how many times
must i pull my foot
out of my mouth
i do not relish the taste of soil
you know i am a foolish fool
i cannot speak for you bitterness

my truth is different now
though unlived, uncovered, unbound
all but unrelinquished

i am swept under the rug of your past life
the splinters of the floor flaking away from the boards
we too will turn to dust
Jun 15 · 28
Lapse
Lexie Jun 15
I thought
When my body went out to the forest
It would become one with the soil
Rotting and rotting
Decomposing every ache and blunder it has ever held
Intricately blended into Earth's webbing
Finally, I am soft
Jun 15 · 56
Make it Long
Lexie Jun 15
You told me once
Of when you prayed for bread
Acid rain came down that day
I then learned of reality

If I go into the woods tonight
Will I smell another mans smoke
Or am I so greatly delusioned
To truly believe I am alone

These monsters come and go
My chest a revolving door
A heart hotel
A coffin of nightmares

Angels speak, I do not listen
Prayers quiver in the morning air
I am not there
Not patient enough to wait

Scars on my back spread
Along my limbs
Vines growing on a brick wall
Neither of us will ever find heaven

I never shut up about the moon
She's always there
How I do love her company
When I'm making myself out to be lonely

Is it wrong to assume
Stars are another worlds
Parking lot lights
I don't have all the answers

I find no humor
In the irony of doing what's right
As we go along
I find I was betraying my future

When will I learn
Trying to love this way
Is like trying to dance
With a broken leg

Even after I pass
I will not of told
All the stories in me
They are in bones

I call you foolish mortals
Take it as praise
I will not even name my self
There is great folly in wisdom

If only happiness
Was as aggressive
As the pain
I hold space for

Bury me shallow
In the autumn floor
I hold myself no greater
That the earth

I cry out under the heavens
The veil is thinning
How do you deny
The pulse of the spirit world

Know me now
But not my name
She is the secret whisper
In the thickest of your veins

Maybe once we would have lived
Thriving on the chaos
Hand fed to us by the universe
We were foolish then

Someday wisdom will come to us
We will not know her face
Fair chance she is already among us
Thinly veiled

Do you remember
The first time you smoked
The way it stopped in your throat
How it brought your stomach up

Know when I think of you
It is the same for me
You are a bitter tar taste
I light you up again

Only to spit you out
You coat my tongue
The inside of my cheeks
With your black smoke veil

I asked for depth
You delivered
I cannot back out now
There is no where but up

Those in the dark
Beg for light
Those in the shadow
Wish to stay hidden

I am the ***** sinner
In the bathroom
Trying to scrub myself clean
Of smoke and saints

I was warned
The path of the traveler
For those with thick soles and thicker skin
Thick souls and thinner whims

I set out like a dead man on a quest
Like a fool
With my best foot forward
Not knowing which was is South

You prayed me greener pastures
I just prayed for you
Here we are
Hollow promises, hearty prayers

We ache for what we had
Knowing fruit in the sun
To quickly turns bad
Sour sugar in the soil
May 18 · 62
Perhaps
Lexie May 18
Deep calls to deep
Do you truly not hear me
I have been silent for so long
Drifting apart
We ran parallel once
Thin white lines on the horizon
We burned out like space junk
Not shooting stars
Or candle flames or time
It seems we hold nothing forever
Whatever passes through
Our empty hands try to grasp
Seems so permanent
Are we this dissilisioned
Perhaps it was just water
Perhaps we never held love for each other
Perhaps it was currents pulling us along
Perhaps we knew it would end
Because there was no true substance
Perhaps we called out to the depths
They answered us with the sound of our own name
And we were much too afraid to hear it
Let me go, we are above this, it has gone out with the height of the tide
Apr 16 · 57
Split
Lexie Apr 16
You were not meant to carry my burdens
Though if you knew of them you so scarcely gave it second thought before stacking them on your shoulders
You were not meant for this weight
Were you not told
Even Angel's long to look into these things
They have wings
Bird's have hollow bones
You and I are heavy and full and soft
Or we were before
Now we are separate
And not the same
Apr 16 · 94
Lightyears
Lexie Apr 16
You called it grief
I will not name it differently
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