forever alone-
even in the midst of my fellows
I am alone-
how I long to know the gentle caress
of your warm hands
how I wish to know the answer to the question:
is every one of my kind as alone as I?

I lay in wait for just a hint of your presence.
This cold and damp room
I have been deposited to
offers no condolences of comfort.
Thankless mortuary of life,
grounding point for unending successions of failure.
Mold grows abundant and varied on every surface,
forever feeding,
forever decaying-
forever reminding- the self defense I practice
is no match for time.

I have surrendered myself to your will
you repay my penance with stoic indifference,
how I curse my fate, to be stuck in this condition
stuck in this form
stuck in this cycle of irrelevance
where my purpose is as obscured as your presence-
I know it is there- I catch glimmers of it,
wafting on fumes of promise
welling up through my limbs-
yet, as I try to focus on its sweetness,  it melts away
and my condition teeters on the realization of the futility of my dreams,
dreams that perhaps there is something in this world I may possess,
something exempt from this foetid destiny of decay.

I pray to you every day- you bestow to me sustenance, delivered
within the few short moments of clarity
when your benevolence washes over my limbs
and that chill is abated, temporarily.  

oh love I need you
I need you
I need you
I need you-oh-
I need you now...

The joy you give me wells up in my core-
it spirals through my body in radiant fumes
arousing within me an electricity
which charges and grows, crackling and rippling through my being-

Your weightless touch
caresses the supple flesh of my newly unfurled limbs
your heat makes my lust ignite
until my rapture bursts and floods fragrantly out of my body
through small delicate folds soft as angel’s lips
burning crimson flames in contrast to the relentless leaden landscape.


Much like my prayers,
these too wither and evaporate back into the rimple of your coat of infinite possibility.
I am left broken, exploited by a purpose
that has been kept hidden from me.
Fate has decreed I must blossom during winter
serving as a beacon to the world around me,
I implore you my beloved,  who will serve as my beacon?
Who will lend vibrance to my dismal soul
when the skies are gray
and the cold lingers ever-present like a blade to the throat?

oh love I need you
I need you
I need you
I need you-oh-
I need you now...

I continue to endure
these seasons of deception.  
The offerings of my flesh, my soul, my intentions
are hung in severe strings
as reminders of the union I may never have
reminders that I will never be as perfect as I know is possible-
that most of my dreams
will miscarry to oblivion and their potentials as realities will slip away as fast as the thoughts that carried them-
slip away as fast as the memory of my existence.

the only thing keeping me from joining you
is me
my form, this body, this anchor to the Earth.
In spite of this forlorn existence, I try to brighten my world-
my offerings are these poems of flesh,
frail and transient
moments of sublimity
apices of material existence
bridges to the divine

Exercises in wishfulness do nothing to change states.
What I truly desire is freedom,
freedom from these roots
freedom from hunger
freedom from wishes
freedom from these interminable winters
freedom from this sadness
freedom from this life

1044

A Sickness of this World it most occasions
When Best Men die.
A Wishfulness their far Condition
To occupy.

A Chief indifference, as Foreign
A World must be
Themselves forsake—contented,
For Deity.

Perhapsingly on Sunday
If the bleak-end hacked for blood
I could take a spin in the old gorevette
Down to Blighton where the vibe is crude,
Where April rolls the coolest blunts
Dreading lilacs and their smoky crud
Of wishfulness. Beyond this extended ketaphor
Only reason spoils the mood.
Having none and wanting more -
A conceit started out so spicely, but finished far from good.
Oh well, I guess. The horror I suppose. The horror.

All life fear of fear

Never warning

Waiting ashore for what seas bring

Waves pull and

You fall under

Lost, engulfed, forgotten.



Endless night

Within this blackened land

A Kingdom of forever hypocrisy

And mass depression



No growing conspiracy

Bringer Of Dreams Unhappy

Commands what will be



See black, all clear

Anger, misery

Distribute pain to thee

As all shudder

With prayers unanswered

Fantasize for land of the free



Decision-changed-uncertainty

Wishfulness-now-hopelessness



His words-echoes of eternity-

If you dare to hear them:

Endlessly you shall

Lie in dementia.

Lastly you shall

Die in hysteria.

542

I had no Cause to be awake—
My Best—was gone to sleep—
And Morn a new politeness took—
And failed to wake them up—

But called the others—clear—
And passed their Curtains by—
Sweet Morning—when I oversleep—
Knock—Recollect—to Me—

I looked at Sunrise—Once—
And then I looked at Them—
And wishfulness in me arose—
For Circumstance the same—

’Twas such an Ample Peace—
It could not hold a Sigh—
’Twas Sabbath—with the Bells divorced—
’Twas Sunset—all the Day—

So choosing but a Gown—
And taking but a Prayer—
The only Raiment I should need—
I struggled—and was There—

offense may be caused so look away now
--
--
--
--
--
still here? OK then

I am both ****
and philanderer, in word and deed
I once found Jesus
just so that I might **** a girl
lucky that my hypocrisy was perishable
I still smell of that earlier me than you might remember
when I was filthy in my wishfulness
the sharp torture of a tissued sceptre
left me embarrassed in a honey dipped daydream
where factional contributions turned wine into water
and revenants convened before the solvent sunset
of my eccentric heartbeat

Wish I was more!
Wish I could have wowed her so that no fight could be to much!
Wish I made that much more of a difference in her life that I’d be the one!
I wish that a misunderstood truth was explained in detail! And not me seen as a liar!
I wish i didt even have this insignificant past ro be questioned!
Oh if only i wish!  
I wish I wish I wish
Hmmm obviously time has proven I am not anyone’s person that valuable! For wishes like these!
A reality I’ll have to somehow learn to live with!
Sadly i hope somehow there is hope but that seems to be just my silly wishfulness alone!
i wish i wish i wish

If I had to start listing down my vices, I would start with sloth, my God complexes and you....
Thinking about you every night before going to sleep
In between my dreams, in them, and after them.
In a state of wishfulness and delusion,I imagine you are mine
That you long for me the same way that I long for you
Ages ago, the mere sight of you or even the thought of you
Would comfort me and embrace me with hope
Hope that you might, one day, very soon, see how we are meant to be
Or hope, that on my grand revelation, you would shed your own inhibitions
And tell me, that, afterall this while, it really wasnt all in my head
I have lived through my darkest and most dismal days on this tiny glimmer of hope
And comforted myself by the fact, that you really didnt know
And that was enough for a while
Till you broke the bubble
And you did it with style
You gave me a taste of what it would be like to be with you
But you snatched it away even more quickly
No questions asked, no feelings exchanged, no explanations given
A drunken misdemeanour for us, thats all
A new kind of torture had been planted
Whats real and what was just a dream, was made clear once and for all
Maybe this is the best thing that could have happened
Cause hope can be a curse
That mind palace can imprison you and eat away at who you really are within
But I had gotten my dose
With passion and nonchalance, both

No what-ifs, no butterflies
Truthfulness and acceptance
Maybe this is the best thing that could have happened

A standing ovation for our player...

Nah, the cold is fine for now.
Style-statements aside, knowing the contours
of one's own breath so intimately vows
to be an interesting approach.
The disgruntled bus plodded slowly,
hoping to fool the amber marker bulb
to posit a couple of rounds of sleep.
The counterdraft resembles the shape
of my face in collision; it wanted to tickle
the nose, to sabotage the box, but it failed.
I tried to backlog some wit instead,
but the atmosphere calls for itself
a ginger taste, and a slight tilt of the head.
Symbolic dither prays for us in unison.
It matches speed with the auto, whose
yellow (now glinting russet) shakes hands
with the green smell of wishfulness. Its
reluctant pauses (speedbumps?) does
make me think, of music being released,
friends under the spot, the runaway scents
that pay for every movement.

sometimes its depression
numbing yourself so you don't feel
sad or angry or anything
so you don't hurt
inside and out

sometimes its tiredness
thinking and feeling and empathising
so much that your emotions shut down
you smile nicely at everything
and you know how to react
just enough to look okay

sometimes its wishfulness
hoping and praying so hard
that the pain suffered by the one you love
could disappear, because you're helpless
and you want so badly for them to feel better

because emptiness is what they feel
so maybe somehow
by feeling the same way
it'll help them
it's worth a shot

May this summer embody the greatest things in life
be a piano ballad melody familiar and sound divine
Glimmering reservoir
and sunflower petals gold
reflecting rays of vivid light appearing from above.

The main gist of my widely spread efforts was to glorify my big wish
Beyond wishfulness
originating in my quiet emblem of earth-like misty shades
Wings to fly
Voice to speak
complexity laid firm just to bespeak.
May this vogue of living melodically in this celestial madness stay
divine metaphor
and one melody I replay.
In the similar place underneath lush green leaves hung
like a model of our universe.
I’m the archer of stars
on my cluttered veranda I lay
Nimbus fluffy cover above my hips it feels like July young never late
you and I
two stranded satellites meet after the thriving odyssey in arts
Your grandeur and solid dignity
uttered perfection
In personal style of anterior architecture
Remember one short sentence:

Stay where you are
may your heavens emerge

beautiful friend,
I hold memories in hand
a sunshine filtered emotionality
place to land
a sharing, a made peace
wishfulness and longing
hope, future fieldtrips
gifts abound
haplessly spiritual

I hated being poor
nothing more
nothing less
but wishfulness