He knew she wasn't a ****
she just needed to make up for the attention she never got from daddy.
He loved her because she needed him to
because she couldn't make up for a lack of daddy's love all on her own.
He'd endured the self loathing she felt now like a paper cut dipped in alcohol.
He'd endured it and it went away.
It went away because of a girl.
A girl that loathed him more than he loathed himself.
She loathed him because he needed her to.

she dances at parties because the people that dance at parties
look like they're having fun.
she never learned that fun isn't a synonym for happiness.

maybe daddy hates her because she reminds him of mommy.
*mommy danced at parties too.

Ever since I was a little girl, I saw things no one saw.
I always looked at the world with awe.
I saw the beauty in people who weren't loved,
In every ******, outcast, and victim.
I was isolated from the world,
For I was merely a girl.
While girls liked dolls and wanted to be Daphane from ****** doo,
I wanted to be Velma and do what all the boys wanted to do.
I robe my bike around my yard,
Even though I would fall on the rocks and hit the pavement really hard.
I had little friends,
I was weird to no end.
I tried to be normal,
I tried to catch up to the people.
However, they didn't see me,
I would just be left all lonely.
I hated elementary,
They only reminded me of being lonely.
I wanted to leave,
I wanted to be free.
I remember that wish as I hung out at the swings,
How I wished that I had wings.
I wanted escape the oppression of my school and home,
I wanted a real friends and I hoped.
Boys were always first.
At home, it was not different, they were the worst.
My older sister said that I had everything that I wanted,
That I was a spoiled brat and unwanted.
My older brother would push me and grab me by the arm,
Saying that I was in the way, causing even more harm.
My mom sided with them,
She only didn't want to get in trouble from HIM.
My dad,
The core of troubles, the only one I can't stand.
Always putting boys first,
Teaching us girls that our job was to cater to them and worst.
We had no say,
We had to do everything he wants in order to stay.
I found no beauty in the family,
It was rotten to the core, it was greedy.
I was hoping that they would see the things that I see,
Stop the nightmares from my closet from coming after me.
I wished they stopped arguing,
I wished they were a real family.
I had no escape,
I didn't even have my own dreams to escape.
I was haunted by nightmares and arguments,
I wanted them all to end.
I would watch a monster from my closet **** everyone near me,
Coming after me.
No one listened,
I was mistaken.
I grew older and eventually stopped pretending,
I shut myself in my walls and shielding.
In the 3rd grade, I stopped wearing pink,
I stopped listening.
I hid behind a frown,
I stopped chasing after the ones who weren't around.
I became an adult when I was young,
I didn't even have a childhood to be proud of.
I couldn't stop seeing beauty,
But I refused to be a victim to their cruelty.
I was an empty shell of a innocent girl,
A young soul who saw the beauty in the world.
I had kept this charade for a couple of years,
Then my wall started to get cracks and tears.
I remember people who saw me,
I remember the ones who became my friends and, later, family.
They finally came,
They finally saw me for who I am and didn't want me to change.
My walls took heavy fire,
It was weakening more than I had desired.
I was scared,
What if they didn't really care?
We went on to high school,
Still friends from middle school.
Then he came into my life,
Putting an end to my shell to hide.
My love came and pulled me out of my shell,
Promising freedom from this hell.
I couldn't believe it,
I didn't think that I was getting what I wished.
My angel with black and red wings,
He's finally come to save me.
They came to save me,
My friends and my real family.

Hello, allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Jocund, The Gardener.
Living lucid, a fellow mind traveler.

That’s kind of like a chill Childe wanderer
Of the flowing forest floor,
Feathered cotton or greening words
On the wind unravel-er;
Gone’a’wandering in untraveled soils,
A seed settler.

Tragedy left my face sneer metered,
Mouth stretched sideways,
Toothy as a dumb grinning jester.

Yearning to make one stupid gesture,
So you’ll see I’m not too interested in being above or lesser.
Just on a mission,
Learning how to be both student and teacher:

Drawing abyssal blueprints,
Joining the disillusioned,
Describing a dynamic curriculum
And coding oaths like Odin’s to bind Cosmic-Woden’s
--Mr. Omnipotent to us rodents—undying reticulum.


Re-programmed to generate runic music
Nomenclature shaped in the underlying resonating
That is every particle operating in unison.

So I'm riding the chronicled-Euclidean space-time continuum
Of balance known to us as equilibrium,
And can you feel me breathing?

It’s the giving and taking and pushing and pulling of gravity propagating,
Bending light under and rending sight of what will be and what has been.

Oh well,
[Where], (when), {how} I am is what matters most to me.

“Jinkies!”
“What is it Velma?!”
“I think that’s Relativity.”

So, speaking relatively
I’d rather deduce from what’s relevant to me,
Lather rinse and reduce the divine to dust in the winds of time,
And maybe see the truth behind {who}, [what], (why) I’m-

[{assburgian]}: high functioning and genius,
Mumbling, s-st-stutterin', tic tic-ing and tremblin’.
it's ****-chilling and tedious.

But wait! There’s more.

{(Bipolar}): slightly manic, and comically dramatic.
Severely depressed and in a silent panic.
Practically sleepless, it’s fairly fantastic.
My memory I mean,
If all my senses witness a scene
The info is sealed within me perfectly,
Perceptually and verbally,
Non-mutational, stability.

In the short term, unfortunately,
My focus is overloaded with scenery
Of bullies, abusers, and over-users.
It’s misery listening to scratched records on repeat,
Immune to wrecking.
For that I thank my ([ADHD)]: predominately inattentive
Wtih dsylixea, definitive alcoholism, drug addiction, and the list goes on.
So yeah, I’m on the spectrum, I’m a functional positron.

“That guy’s *******, He can’t even act right.
He’s emotionless, a mindless robot.
There’s no empathy in that golem.
That ugly alien’ll never be like you or me,
He’s clueless, aloof and downright foolish.
So let’s just forget that freak, he kinda scares us.”

Oh yeah?
Well keep that **** in your ******,
Order the facts and double check’em.

“We're not so different you, me, and them.
We just built a bent border 'round the word disorder.
Sure, that’s the preference, to make no inference.
Ignorance is bliss, right?”

For my defense?
Well golly-gee thanks, that’s all lovely and great.
But now the neurologically typical person
Thinks they can fix me, without knowing my burdens
Like, “you’s gots a d’zeez cuz’a factseens”

This "cray" **** gets me irate.
Diagnoseez wrapped in fear-mongering, seen with hate,
And convinced to wait for a miracle.
Well too bad so sad,
The difference is anatomical.
So treating me means training me
To be “normal, deviations nominal.”

(Am I ******’a dog, what the ****?!
Wait, back it up and mix that bit up.)
“What the ****, am I a ******’ dog?!
Oh, if they knew the truth they’d think I’m a ******* demigod.”
(Ha right, more like a log full buried eternally in'a boggle.)

My parents tried and tried for my birth,
They almost considered me impossible.
I was nearly inconceivable.
Then the multi-verse cursed,
And that message was receivable,
I heard it was a freakin’ miracle.
Not that mom cared, she was irresponsible.
Wanted to be a free mirth queen.

Aww, she just needed security.
Even after my birth on Friday 3/13/92 into a noose,
Loosely scorned and hardly lyrical.
They had to remove me surgically from the womb and
Now I've grown oddly into a super human body.

I’m physically atypical with an extra lumbar vertebra.
Some think me mythical, my hearts cage is even, part of a
Hard skeleton wearin’ *** appeal and a
Strong fresh sheath of flesh that’s quick to heal.
Ask me to speak, out comes a voice so deep you’d think the sky fell.

I’m mentally inexplicable,
Thinking in infinite Voices simultaneously painting imagery indefinitely.  
It has me lagging in a neuronal-conundrum.
I’m containing a brain wound up and
So over-wired it's redundant.

Making my head so heavy the ground is over-tired,
Barely overcoming addiction to dilating mundane details.
And a bit slow to obtain'em,
Those growing verbal-perceptual rains of information.
It's why I'm highly aware of the visual-spatial patterned puzzle pieces of existence.

So my mind is orbiting off in the distance,
Oblivious to non-verbal relation,
Just spaced-out communication.
I'm nearly incompatible
With most people in this global nation.
Everyone's got recipes for lemonade,
And I've got durian, that's **** ironical.
I told you, the difference is anatomical.
Can't be changed, so forget being normal tragically!

“That’s great and all,
But you still can’t communicate,
Associate,
Or surmount your human viewpoint
And recreate.
So what’s the point, you’ll never amount
And you shouldn't be allowed to procreate,
Just **** yourself.”

Shut the **** up, mate!
No one is beyond help,
And I'm in good health.
So who says I need your help.

I’m a catch-it-all trainer,
Long distance sprinter,
Heavy weight lifter,
Martial arts practitioner,
And Muay Thai fighter
Of the metaphysical plane or
Flyin’ my x-wing, taking out tie fighters.
Muckin’ up misinformed storm troopers,
Shovin’ **** back down their word poopers.

Yeah, I’ve tried playin’ The Game
That society designed.
But that sick joke
Was painfully lame.
And the punchline,
All but broke me.


I died philosophically.
Spent three days regenerating.
Re-writing my subconscious poetry
Like The Doct-uh,
The Boo-duh,
Or Mist-uh
Believe-in-me.

Pulverizing words into compost,
Composing metaphor to re-code seeds
Set to regrow self-trees from the ground up.
Splitting myself up into three categories,
(Mind), [body], and {me} all clowned up.

It is a truly significant allegory,
Greening my being with jocundity.
Creating profundity for gardening,
Generalizing and broadening the concept
And applying it metaphorically.

In the attempt
To join fantasy
With reality
And become truly
One with “we”;
Livin' and loven'in
Disparity and hilarity
Of you,
Me,
And every fellow
There is to see.

So, “hello
i am the gardener and
i am jocund and
…|[{(i am)}]|…
quite pleased
to meet
we.”

Last night I reached my hand out to the monster under my bed whose eyes usually glow scarlet and whose teeth typically gnash and snap but this time had the same deep brown eyes and average teeth that I do

Last night I pulled my skeleton out of the closet and we danced to the blue jazz that floated through my window from the sax player below and then we played never-have-I-ever and watched SciFi TV on Netflix

Last night I asked the mermaid down the bathtub drain if she'd like to come up for a swim and we laughed and splashed and sat on my roof in the star light talking about love and sushi recipes and where to get a really good haircut

Last night I called out to the werewolf who roams these parts as he called out to the silver globe of a moon and I gave him some salad because he's a vegetarian and he showed me pictures of his pet bunnies Morningglory and Killer

Last night I covered the mirrors and opened the shades for my vampiric friend Velma, a quiet girl who volunteers at the animal shelter and soup kitchen

Last night I said good night to my nocturnal friends and went back inside to turn off the lights and make sure my dog was inside who I call Albertius Rex but was previously known just as Cerberus

How do you answer a five year old
When he's asking why we are alive
I don't have any statement solid enough that he'd be sold
Or why we aren't helping the elderly, hungry and cold.
Explain to a child humanity has taken a dive,
That today, people don't care if you survive
But I'm still strapped for an answer when asked
What happens when those planets align?
Looking into unsure little eyes,
Like "yeah buddy, of course it will all be fine"

It's hard to censor anymore because people want it raw
But then get insulted for what their kid saw
Even the kids shows are spouting crude jokes
Shaggy and Velma are dating
While I sit waiting for a classic mystery to begin
Teach them everything so young and so fast,
Their minds can't take it, gone in a blast.
The clock not missing a tick, the world spins

What do we win if we stop helping,
Selfishly, keeping more than they need
At the root of your thoughts,
I have to know what does your mind bleed
All these things and stuff, I'd give it all up
In a heartbeat, you can watch me do it
Lead by example and keep the rooms lit
But my son keeps asking questions,
So I keep retracing puzzle pieces on my finger
Until the answers for him perfectly fit

As I stare into the starlit sky
I wonder if i'll catch this guy?
Does Jupiter hide behind it's moons?
Do specters and goblins dance it's tunes?

Will Velma ever sing my song?
My heart for her will ever long!

Daphne, don't laugh at me!
Can't you see that what's happening,
is beautiful and sacred,
I wish you were naked
in my Mystery Van, half bake-ed

****-take mushroom & ZZ muffintop
Midnight Mini Stirrings
Stank *****
Farta fartus stuffed
Stank ***** toot morass ed. Kamikaze! Breaking divine wind
Darkmatter meseeks
Dubh black dove
******* city
Dead beat deity
The shipyard - hindquarters
Erotici, inquisition, questionable greek behaviours, 20 questions of sexytime
"Έλληνες”— Hellenes not all Greek to them
Lokas of Control
Ayo shorty, el shaddai
Blodiau flowers
Veer to where we look - the human body vessel
Empath/Narcissist Identification Battle
Boning a FROG
Self-save spiritual checkpoint
Phi-low-so-phi's lodestone powerbottom beastmode
It is se on. Super se on
Lumatic highway
Hippos, whales and guinea pigs, whoop science.
Cymraeg comerades
Is it actually pleasing a person, the people or is it just complex placation?
Arose from the dead the re-in-carnation
Can't find your sol-song singing somebody else's words, relatability doesn't mean originality, cover songs still deviate, bring newness, otherwise it's just a rendition.
"Past life" knowledge doesn't excuse ignorance of this existence, stories change, or maybe were never comprehended to begin why it passed instead of kept...
Why? R U ikigai?
Late Game Strategy
'Ohelo papa = hawaiian strawberry
Kyrios or kurios (Ancient Greek: κύριος, romanized: kū́rios) is a Greek word that is usually translated as "lord" or "master". Curios-city
Military Swinging
Thic phuc tap, like complicated
Cheating for leaderboard status just confuses
Animal crossing guilt lording trainer
Playing highlander with scarecrow... still losing, dummy thicc
Moose will pu. Svenga kuin hirvi.
Iphimedeia - thirsty crotch, seawater4poisideon
Great big mari sea horse
Sartanistic evolution leaves crabby animals
Mustakala kalmari
Every year it rains fish lluvia de peces en loro
Lackey, lost their chi, the key, the qi
Nyawww nho little
Elementary school, deities in the basics, dirt bodies, aetheric breath, water flow, fire chest/divine spark
Dubh snake moana
Aleph tau indicative of spirit soul, not faux alpha ommegid, cyclical abuser and gaping *******
That's Cap!
Robert's Stafford, friar tuck'd, made a mary out of men
Femme bots and gay frogs are like **** mosquitos
ascended self-mastery not ***-ended self master bait story
Cuckoos & Cowbirds
Invasive self-replicating mutant lobster-like creatures
Marmorkrebs have arrived into ontario
Harwell Dekatron
Dome is slick circulation system - vector curve argument heats up
Ich ky, selfish
Polish this Hungarian milk is klingon scientist - tej, thats french, jeter dumped it/threw it down my trivial extensible job-submission
Toki, usagi, konijn, tho, shasha/shosho, coney
War Tortle & A Half Shiell'd Maiden legend of zelva
Minogame, Chelona, Teknosbeka
Jigglypuff's song - tone, support, attempts
Orchestration, blue whales & summer of salmon hats
lend me your external auditory meatus
Llama glama
Persian carpet flatworm esque ****** fencing alpha omeggids for dominance
Lies and thievery need other people, stay in own lane means more success.
repeated bout effect - can learn almost anything with normalization, but why?
Queen Tyra. KeyRa.
Silvas & Kin - forests & gold
Zena warrior princess
Here kai di kai di
Air bhioran = Scottish gaelic excited
Address and listen to the man
Paying damages vs. Demonstrating repentance with bonus joy
Dzieki polish apppreciation, dzjinke czech out this djinn, jinkies, scoobie!
Velma willhelmet wilhelm william
Shalom implies wholeness
A shiva, a she ra, aethera
Win-win-wind condition

Fibula Dragula bone placement