you don't see life as a game of skill
playing hopscotch on the
white and black checkers
reaching out to infinity with their
comforting symmetry
and severe geometry

you say you're unobservant
but how can you look down
at your calloused mud-caked feet
and not see the
chessboard that is pressing
just as stiffly against your feet
as you reach down
and root yourself into it
burying your head in
the world of fantasy games
without winner or loser

i envy your blissful ignorance
your hope
however misplaced

do you simply refuse to see
how every pensive move
rook to E7
knight to C5
seems to me not an attack
on the mockingly vulnerable king
but an action of
vicious hostility towards
the most powerful piece on the board

so the queen enacts
her equal and opposite
reaction
to slash the entire cosmos to ribbons
an infinite fury of blind terror
that seeks blood
and scavenges the last flesh
clinging to bone.

I've lived in fear
Of the monster for
So long that I
Didn't even notice
The monster scares
My knight as well

No longer do I ever even
Notice the stars
Nor the scars on my wrist
Life:unobservant
Hell bent
A hedonistic pyramid
Monster:giving in
But with a strong will now
I will not
Let myself down
Again

When you go away you go so far that not even my love can save you.
You go off to this land where your love for me is unreachable.
I cannot touch your love for me...
I can't accept it, nor can I deny it.
It's like an island,
You and your dreams of me have floated away to a land where reality doesn't have any hold over you.
You are just there,
With all that you hold of our world,
And one can never really see you
For the fog that covers your eyes hides your soul from the world.
You are hidden,
Your dutiful heart is protecting you from all that could be.
You disappear from your body into a land that none of us could fathom. And I hate it.
You steal a piece of me.
You take it and you run,
You run from all that could be,
And all that should be.
Your body can't hold all that you feel for me.
It was only built to hold your soul,
Which before you stole mine was already too much for it.
Since you stole your love for me and hid it on your special island
I havnt been able to find you,
I think you might be lost forever.
I'd love to share in your love for me occasionally
But you're slipping away
So that all is left in you
Is the me that you stole.
You have consumed me
and in doing so you have let me eat away your soul
Until it was gone.
I'm sorry for killing you.
I didn't know,
I suppose I must have been pretty **** unobservant to not notice you slipping away onto your island,
Especially when you took with you all the parts of me that were worth a ****.
I never meant for you to fall so far,
Like an angel who was so human in that you couldn't keep away.
You dissapeared from me
And took our love with you.
How am I suppose to reach you now?
I needed you,
But I feel that I don't deserve to say that
Because you needed me so much more.
You needed me so differently,
And I couldn't always be there for you.
I couldn't ever be there for myself
And now that I'm all that's left of you,
I couldn't be there for you either.
It was your fault that I couldn't reach you,
But it was my fault that it was your fault.
You blurred us together and now I can't tell the difference.
I feel like I can't ever know you now,
Because all that I can see in you is me,
And I never could look in the mirror and then go about my day.
If I looked I'd get stuck,
I'd stare at my soul and wonder about life.
I'd wonder about all the things I wondered about.
But never once did I contemplate you while I was stuck staring.
All that time I spent absorbed in myself
And I never dreamt you up,
Do you stare at me like that too?
Was I so self involved that I even consumed myself in your body aswell?
Could I not stop staring and see that the person in the mirror wasn't me at all,
And that the only reason I thought it was
Is because that's what I expected to see?
You look in a mirror and you look for yourself.
And eventually you find it.
Or you dont,
And that is when you look harder,
You look so hard that you swear that you have climbed in the mirror and will stay there
So that everytime your body comes back to take a look you can say,
Here you are.
This is what you believe in.
But then eventually your body changes,
It develops new experiences
And it comes back and it looks different.
There are weather lines on your forehead and you think,
This is not me anymore.
And that's when you climb out of the god forsaken mirror and you look around and you realise that the world has changed,
And your body has made a stranger fall in love with you,
The you that it saw in the mirror,
But this stranger could never really find you because you were trapped. You were trapped within your ideals,
You were trapped within the eyes who dared not to look at you too long in case they saw something.
Something of value.
And then you think,
I'm so sorry my poor lady,
And then you fall for her.
But she has taken you so far away to a little island in her mirror,
Where your love and her's is trapped behind a misty brown fog covered soul dying to have you notice pouring through her empty gaze.
And you realise that she's the only one who will ever have met you in your mirror.

How exactly does one find themselves in said situation
you didn't say anything about the situation yet
in description,
indisputably
incredible
incredible?
Not in any sense of tradition
Not in any sense that could bring sparkle and innocence to the surface of a child's eyes
Not in any sense immediately apparent to the unobservant man
cut to it *******
Clouds run think in the room
and with ink head to toe
and horns
and swazzies
and clantag black across the chest
and yellowed smokers teeth
golden oils burst hot in desperate lungs.
Relief.
Relief is what they name her
as her remnants drift from grateful mouths
as pale white and soulful as snow in reverse.
What's going on then?
They play a game.
They call it twenty five for missed medicine.
They say if the bell breathes smoke
on calls break the weak,
They hackle happily in a giggling choke.
But I could never participate in these things.
Is it a lack of courage, an overabundance of cowardice?
Its a lack of many things:
lacking history
or will
or wisdom
or faith
or a gut cold and steely enough to handle regurgitation
of my own lungs.
Not many do handle.
As is seen,
when a queen splatters palaces
with spigukums
liquid lowered expectations
only now could they take her seriously.
Do you?
I knew that fate from the start
and that's why I depart
to a cold blue board box
Roll, lick, pack, and light
delight
then again;
Who's to say I didn't enjoy it just as much as they did?

I looked,
I looked long and hard
and shouted-
"you're ugly,
you're atrocious
you're revolting
boring
and plain
aloof
unobservant
and so, so pathetic.
You're nothing but a useless,
worthless piece of trash
My God, could you be any more sad?
Stop those tears,
Nobody cares.
It's true what they say,
you'll never be loved,
you can't even make a decision by yourself!
So many symptoms, so many ails,
stop blaming them all on your daddy issues.
So you say you wanna die?
Then do it,
what's stopping you?
praying that someone will miss you?
Well grow up, because they won't,
grow up, grow up!
older with each day
but still just a child inside,
cocooned in your ailments on a tear-stained pillow.
Stop crying,
you ***** little mutt,
why do you keep waiting for others to sew you up and fix you?
Is it because your bones are so weak
you can hardly rise in the morning?
Is all of this true?
You know it is,
My God, you are such a sad little creature."

I've said all I've needed to say,

So I step back from the mirror.

you will learn to shift your weight around
You will learn to lean against things
To always clutch handrails

You will learn to rate things from one to ten ten being the worst you’ve ever felt

You will learn loss
You will lose functionality
You will lose what you used to love doing
You will learn not to partake in barbecue games, bowling nights
You will learn to politely decline invitations
You will lose friends
Hobbies
Muscle memory

You will learn to accept it
You will learn that it is unacceptable

You will lose sympathy for others
You will lose track of things
You will learn that there is always something more to lose
You will learn to hold just a few things sacred
to cling only to that which you cannot lose
You will learn that those things too can be lost

You will learn to hate god

You will learn how unobservant most people are
You will learn not to disclose
You will learn what not to say to avoid their suggestions and advice

You will learn to be alone

You will learn the difference between NSAIDs and acetaminophen
between hydro and oxy
the difference between SSI and SSDI
between deductibles and out of pocket maximums
You will learn to cry in hospital parking garages
You will learn the limits of modern medicine for the working and middle classes
You will learn to lower your expectations
You will learn the definition of the word palliative

You will learn to live with it
You will learn to smile for pictures
You will learn to claim a seat early
You will learn to summarize
You will learn good days and bad days
You will learn sorry I know this is last minute but I have to cancel

You will learn to love deeply
You will learn to apologize profusely

You will learn how successful other people will become

You will learn what it means to be a body

You will learn so much
You will learn so so much

Can’t sleep at night,
what’s worse I’m not that alert during the day,
not sure which cam first attentiveness or the sedatives,
not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg,

which came first,
the Chicken or the Egg,
which came first,
the bliss or this pain,

whatever never mind,
who cares anyways,
because the real question is,
who cares anyways,

who cares anyways?

These days most are too inattentive to pay attention,
too unobservant to deserve my service so they’re only purpose is to be subservient,
too distracted by everything expect the instance that they’re in,
don’t even have the strength to concentrate for the length of an entire sentence,

can’t focus on this moment,
when in fact that’s all we ever have,
so really if we don’t hold the moment we hold nothing,
guess is why I only wrote this poem to remind us of that,

as I lay here in this bed,
with so many thought crowding my head,
that I have no room inside my head for Z’s,
can’t sleep I’m wide awake again,

can’t sleep at night,
what’s worse I’m not that alert during the day,
not sure which cam first attentiveness or the sedatives,
not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg…

∆ LaLux ∆

You're hurting; That much I can tell.
What do you think I am?
Stupid? Unobservant?
A forgetful (af) Calixte that can't remember French Scripts?

So why do you still smile like it's nothing?
Like it's not your problem, it doesn't affect you at all?
You're an idiot, you, for putting up with all this.
Stop.  If it's bothering you, say something about it.  
Explode, for all I care.
Emotions shouldn't be locked away.

Look, I know I've stepped out of line.
I know it's not my place to do this.  
But you don't need to be strong all the time.
You have multiple shoulders to lean on, you know?
Yeah?  So make use of them, *******.

EVEN NOW, NOW, VERY NOW...

Here, your laughter
fastened to the air

with a little twist
of memory.

Time, spell stopped
as it were.

Your laughter
pinned to this

particular place
this

little scrap of sky
and field

that to an unobservant  eye
would mean nothing

...nothing at all.

But see, your laughter
unfurls its flag of self

snapping in the stiff wind
of what's lost is lost.

This simple second
alive for ever.

I pick it as
I would a flower

untouched by either

time or
death.

I can’t think of a thing not to say

the harsh sounds

rip out my throat. ( hoarse gallop)

hazel irises with rusty Saturn rings

surround the pupils

to the unobservant

an eye. ( chameleon guise)

Hearing is silence

in listening

watching the body move. ( sub~language)

Eating words

that fly like missiles

into heart meat. (die, die, my darling)

Softly step

in and among

the lives of all of us. ( fingers and thumbs)

Do not speak  afterwards

of the technicalities  

in sky high memories. (the horror)

The water flows

crisp, clean, clear

from the tap. ( plumb the depths)

Candles are lit

on restaurant tables

for romantic ambiance. ( emergency)

Looking straight ahead

out the windshield

maintaining equilibrium. (sickly sweet)

The weather vane

spins about

when the wind blows. (history)

Through those elected
deceptive meets collective
tearing down monuments erected
to deny dominance projected
but the counterculture
hounds and vultures
shroud the souls hurt
with shouts of sulfur.

The goblin fray
waddling parade
ballista barricade
sends us on the path of the dodo
dipping cheese in the snow cone
as we freeze for our photo
of an apocalypse in slow-mo.

We break by blade
so we brake by day
they break like they're paid
to brake in the way
which adds thirty minutes to my drive
because two cars collide
on the median's other side.

Battling babble
rattling rattles
adding addles
to paddling paddles
fighting against the current
of the unobservant
dumb obscurants.

They only want to confabulate
to *******
the master state
and master race
obfuscating the rhetoric
using anger to redden it
once you get ahead of it
they ask you to take a sedative.

I'd like to live in a grassy township
instead of this trash heap brown ****
but I'm massively bounded
to the ones who found it
from the other side of the bath
they brought their wrath
to set our path.

The blasted puppeteers
laughed for ******* years
now collapse in sudden tears
projecting their own worst fears
on their imperiled peers
who are scared to steer
near the flying spears.

They want to annex the city
of the loving and living
for their own selfish bidding
using obstruction for corruption
like injunctions against inductions
for interruption dysfunction
at our most pivotal junction.

Assaulting offense
halting progress
absolving nonsense
as purely God sent
is fought with reason and logic
so we bring them their audit
but they use thick ink to blot it.

We found the virus
but we can't cure it
until we've silenced
the obscurants.

FASTENED TO THE AIR

Here, your laughter
fastened to the air

with a little twist
of memory.

Time, spell stopped
as it were.

Your laughter
pinned to this

particular place
this

little scrap of sky
and field

that to an unobservant  eye
would mean nothing

...nothing at all.

But see, your laughter
unfurls its flag of self

snapping in the stiff wind
of what's lost is lost.

This simple second
alive for ever.

I pick it as
I would a flower

untouched by either

time or
death.

As I looked out
The once empty road
Was full of silence
Beautiful, beautiful silence

In a world full of chaos,
in a mind lacking peace
It's taken too long to realise
Silence can be all you need

What was once just so boring
To an unobservant mind
Now seems to perfect
Now seems so kind

FASTENED TO THE AIR

Here, your laughter
fastened to the air

with a little twist
of memory.

Time, spell stopped
as it were.

Your laughter
pinned to this

particular place
this

little scrap of sky
and field

that to an unobservant  eye
would mean nothing

...nothing at all.

But see, your laughter
unfurls its flag of self

snapping in the stiff wind
of what's lost is lost.

This simple second
alive for ever.

I pick it as
I would a flower

untouched by either

time or
death.

Mom thinks I am lazy and unobservant though if she ever listened to the parents around her, she would know that I have a strong work ethic and is very observant. Mom used to call me a worthless kid when she thought I was asleep. I stayed up those nights thinking of ways to make my mom proud turns out nothing creative I did made her proud. Only when I got awards from cross country about me being the heart and soul of the team or a certificate for having a good GPA in high school my senior year and perfect attendance. Otherwise I never felt loved and validated by my mother. I lived in the shadows of my older siblings. Perfect at sports, perfect at school, and always hanging around a crowd somewhere. No matter how many times people would tell me how great of a friend I am or how smart I am it's hard for me to believe them. I had my small group of best friends that trusted with my life and I still do. I don't care about what people say of me. You can't criticize my life when you have never lived it.
What Everyone Says about me depends on who you were. I got used to living in the shadows of my older siblings and forged my own path. Watch me become someone great, I dare you.

FASTENED TO THE AIR

Here, your laughter
fastened to the air

with a little twist
of memory.

Time, spell stopped
as it were.

Your laughter
pinned to this

particular place
this

little scrap of sky
and field

that to an unobservant  eye
would mean nothing

...nothing at all.

But see, your laughter
unfurls its flag of self

snapping in the stiff wind
of what's lost is lost.

This simple second
alive for ever.

I pick it as
I would a flower

untouched by either

time or
death.

EVEN NOW, NOW, VERY NOW...

here your laughter
fastened to the air
with a little twistof memory

Time
spell stopped
as it were

your laughter
pinned to this
particular place

this
little scrap of sky
and field

that to an unobservant  eye
would mean nothing
...nothing at all

but see,your laughter
unfurls its flag of self
snapping in the stiff wind

of what's
lost is
lost

this
simple second
alive for ever

I pick it as
I would a flower
untouched

by either
time or
death

*

The title is from Othello...


“Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.”

Guy de Maupassant

I’m summoned,
Beckoned by the understated curl of a single finger,
The nail long, blood red, filed to a point.
The command is unmistakable.
But the rhythm of the room – not empty, not packed – continues to beat:
The gentle hum of bored chatter,
The ice in drained glasses clattering in accompaniment;
Suits and flowery dresses
Unobservant, immutably ignorant of us and of our purposes.
But as I wander through their casual clusterings,
I shiver - a delicious ecstasy of terror -
In glorious dread of what I must soon endure.