I sit in longing as I... I beckon thy forth...
~I call to you.~
~Still I call~
Your hidden profound beauty among vast arrays of glistening stars.

~I searched for you~,..
~Go-God how I...~
~I se-search for you.~

In every hidden meaning, interlaced within each of your maticaliss and well methodized scars

These?... mem?ories?...
Your...memories?...
Our?... memories?...
They stream like old nostalgic home movies set to play within  the primal depths of my head
like porcelain tears wept by God all loving gaze,  fragile so delicately fragile  to even the slightest misplaced inapt touch, they cry to me and my insecurities even thought you're already longed been dead I still heard your voice in my head

What was that feeling so estranged
What is this... this feeling my emotions engage ?  

there's this nervous bleeding in my brain meandering threw overwhelmingly disdained remnants
As I strain to explain the remoteness of uncharted  depths in witch thoughts of you I try and abstain
upon deaf indifferent ears my cries are wasted. For none would be found to entertain  A chance to pick and ponder, to get lost in and wounder as I  balefully complain.

"~This sound...?~
Why..?. why so loud this admissible Tri-tone "
There's this uneasy, nerve convulsive,  sound raging threw like a Twister birthed a Typhoon of distemper and dismemberment.
as i find myself forever all alone
striking the very foundation of what little stability from remaining fragments of  a once adored and stable reality.
Sadly now found held together by old worn down duck-tape with reaming remnants of what one can only assume to be glue??
barricades foolishly  fortified by the mind of child still innocent to the ways of humanity barely able to withstand the heart chilling  resonating gasp as your final moments spent fighting to the very last second of you being.

"~Hey... he-hey? wake up sil-silly its not cool to play dead in the hospital you know thats like gotta be bad luck haha. hey did you hear me... oh god... oh god no HELP PLEASE I NEED A DOCTOR  don't stop breathing yet please, no..don't go.  You cant leave me yet Im not ready I cant handle life without you No take me with you you promised me forever and I promised you always your a lire your such a lire how could you why could you  are you just going to giving up on me like everyone else in my life was my love not enough for you to stay?~ "

your final inhale...  no I wont believe this I can accept this reality were is the restart button if life's a game we all play to win at death then there must be a way to restart it right....??? "see this is where you would normally lough.. why aren't you laughing please I need to hear you laugh just one more time just once more
I know this is all just a dream ... I . . I . mean it has to be it has to be a dream just a horrible nightmare "


stale air with a hint of old people/hospital  struggle to fill your crackling perfect lungs.
unraveling before my very eyes strung before me your radiant warmth ( your soul)  I feel  started lifting away until cold chills replace any trace of your warmth left behind Frantically I try to find some way to stay anchored  to consciousnesses as hatred replaces my need to preserve my existence

~"Its slipping... I'm slipping ... no oh god see I told I still need you why didn't you listen"
I cant hold on to the strands of sanity you left behind when you left me behind with humanity and is compelling my mind into darkness as I stupor into my craziness~
my hold on reality is slipping  like your soul from your body I cant take much more rampantly I storm fractiously trying to find some way to release the rage embodying me

your lifeless  porcelain soft blue kissed skin becomes the haunting image that has exuded its dominance within my subconscious In a obnoxious promise to forever remain continuous when I sleep and when I wake

as to forever riddle me sleepless nights and ******* up any reason or purops I once felt before like a sucker fish o like  humanity taking everything they can get their hands on and destroying it

I setting here still I wait for this dream to end and I wake up by your side once again
like a puppy waiting on its master to return home I eagerly stand idle
the years pass by and so sets in the numbing theirs just no time for grieving, grooming my mind to remain in denial until the day you fulfill that promise and walk me across the rose petal isles of our wedding day.

What is this pain I have been feeling? I recall feeling it somewhere? sometime? a while back before we got together and I haven't felt it since our first kiss could this be that pain has come back into my existence

Why is it so hard to find someone who undoubtedly unconditionally  cares
I have gone to please one would not imagain possible in search of someone whos hart is not afraid to dare to dare sadly living with a heart that holds more love for everyone and everything then anyone can even think of imagining is quit so lonely
its been so long and Im fading with my memories


LIKE A BANDIT IN THE NIGHT MY SANITY IS ***** AND STRIPPED FROM ME
...YOU THIEF.... why?
like a bandit in the night you steal with such ease my voice, as you plumage threw misconstrued reculations reculated threw my own self destruction.
this left without a purpose, There's no reason to rejoice
There is no reason to rejoice
I am bound so much higher then the timeline resonating days from before
staring up empty  as the discarded remains of my body from the dingy stiff carpeted floor
  ~breath me in child and breath me out~ transcend the transcendence to harol before thy own spark of life
try to grasp the meaning behind you selfish doubt and misrepresent context strewed all about
These shadows dancing seductively down the halls
their toying, scratching gnawing at my walls
so If I must bend to please your mind then so shall I  break as well
you can find my dissociated shadow as my final breaths staggeringly expel I cant take back the sight of another day
carving up and branding my body with each and every word you convey  hoisted here, I can only hang dangling around
each hooked barb used to keep me feet from the warming confort of the ground
crimson pebbles of blood trickling dripping tracing down my  exposed spine fading is the reality set before me I have crossed the center line  S
     I
                x                                 F
                                             E
                                                     E
                                                               ­   T Down
~"Down..?? wait where was up oh god I-I dont kno-know whats what in a world where up is down and down is up"~

Hell?o... (Hello..hello...hello...hello)
I hear my echo leaping, profoundly dancing along the ecos of your fragmented timeline all  around
this chasms great untouched by the corrupted corruption of man cold damp walls has found to be more the perpetually perfect for resonating sound
  ~wait... where did you sound go... Please..please no... wait... come back~   Bury me deep beneath the waves of solemn solitude as so softly I shall drown
softly I will drown as profound silence shall fall the night is nigh cascading my eternal rampages of over rambunctious demons at feud, ~ I shall go?~,
~I shall go... and never again shall my warm touch be felt my soothing voice resonate within your heart??~

~but how...? how Is this truly what love is ? ~
As my skeletons float freely upward  from the long forgotten deapths of the deepest pits scattered across earths vast mighty ground
In search of new territory to spread their unsound sympathies of discord an unnatural enigma of falsely generated stigmas
No closet on this prepubescent earth shall ever lay vast enough within their voids of blacked silence to begin to lay way a suitable lair able to hide from deep within them all
The continuous continuing cycle of ever-being hordes of lies and deceit so great in their numbers they constructed for themselves a framed body to mate its creator  The never ending countless swarms of past skeletons


SO break
just break UGHHH why wont you break?
me down force a tremble coursing threw my bones like a railway as its final distention approaches my knees giving way to my involuntary crawl.
I shall crawl up to your ****** and suckle on the newborn memories
of the forgotten ways of man from old, so simplistically
as your screams soothes and calms me
I am the product of your noted treacheries
SO EXCUSE IF I SEEM TO BE A BIT UNHINGED
MY ANGUISH BOILS AS MY SKIN FALLS TO THE GROUND DECAYED AND SINGED
YOU TRY TO SELL ME YOUR HALF BAKED FALSE BELIEFS
LIKE A BANDIT IN THE NIGHT MY SANITY IS ***** AND STRIPPED FROM ME YOU THIEF
like a bandit in the night you steal my voice
left without purpose There's no reason to rejoice
There is no reason to rejoice

I needed to get out all the racing thoughts from within my mind all these feelings and meanings as they distort and intertwine this was just a random act of random creations   © 4 months ago, Kira LeMay    story • life • sad • depression • death